The Life of Jimmer

Happy Birthday To You!

2012-02-08T22:55:00.000-05:00

“Um, Daddy I need you to sit in the backseat in the middle. Please.”

I knew K was up to something, but I wasn’t sure what. She had asked to talk to her Mommy on Friday and told me to turn off the speaker phone. I asked her if it was some girly thing or other and she said yes. When I asked Netter about it later, because we usually tell each other everything, she told me K wanted to surprise me with something and to just let it go. So I did.

Now it was Sunday, we were walking out of Kohl’s and K was asking me to sit in the middle of the backseat. I had no idea why, but because it was also her birthday, and we were only getting to spend a brief window of time, part of which was shopping for her gift, none of which was any time at home with her busy 19-year old self; you know, the college life, I complied.

“Okay, close your eyes.”

“What? Why?”

“Please?!”

So I did.

“Okay, open ‘em.”

I couldn’t believe what I was looking at and the tears just started to flow. Try as I might, I couldn’t turn them off. Even now as I type this my eyes are welling up. It was just that cool.

During her clandestine conversation with her Mommy on Friday, K had asked Netter to bring along our copy of The Birthday Book by Dr. Seuss. (not an affiliate link, I just like Amazon and think you should buy a copy for you & your family.)

We have been reading this book every year on the girls’ birthdays since the day they were born. It was a book I had from my childhood that I really liked, but my copy was old and beat up and had a couple of nicks and marks that kept me from wanting to save it so Netter bought our family a new copy and inscribed it with a Dr. Seuss inspired poem for the first Christmas after the twins were born. When D was born, Netter added a new verse to the poem for her as well. Netter also added the handprints of each of the girls to the inside cover.

This is a very special book in our family, but I am disappointed to admit in the business that was Sunday and with all the hectic happenings at our house lately as we work on replacing a damaged vehicle (another post for another day), the book had somehow slipped my mind.

As my children have grown I’ve tried to build traditions that are uniquely our own. Oh, I’ve included what little I remember from my childhood, but without going into a lot of detail, well, there’s just not much there tradition-wise. One or two things, but nothing unique, nothing remarkable really. I’m not complaining. As they say, it just is what it is.

Still, I wanted more for my girls.

So there I was reading The Birthday Book to my girls in the backseat of a hot cramped car on a Sunday afternoon in February. I worked through the tears. I read with the clearest voice I could muster. I tried to do all of the accents and the rhythms and everything the book has evolved into for us over the course of 19 years...

I felt like the luckiest Daddy ever, and I enjoyed every single minute of it.

I wish we could do what they do in Katroo.

Whether your name is Nate, Delaney or Ned or Pete, Kailey or Paul...

LOOK!

As I’ve told her many times - That was very cool K. Thank you!

Feeling very fortunate to have such a gift on “your” birthday.

But then I always feel fortunate and privileged to have 2 such wonderful girls and to be their Daddy.

I love you both very much!

I am I!
And I may not know why
But I know that I like it.

Three cheers! I AM I!

Stuff...

2011-12-12T16:01:00.000-05:00

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, okay for at least the last few weeks, about accumulation.

Maybe it’s because it is the season for accumulating. Maybe it’s the boxes and boxes... and boxes and boxes... and boxes and boxes...

And did I mention boxes? … of Christmas stuff Netter puts up to decorate each year.
(I like to tease her, but the truth is I really love the holiday decor. Shhh... don’t tell her. ;-)

It might be the lists that propagate this time of year. Grocery lists, guest lists, gift lists, lists for Santa and the like

Perhaps, it is because it’s that time of year when we all get together with our families, when we are reminded of our roots, of things that we learned as kids, traditions, stories, the evolution of ourselves, likes, dislikes, new likes, new dislikes... and you know … the like.
(last time, I promise)

For some one supposes a little more inventory is taken when we are inside all winter. Perhaps we notice more the number of material possessions we, (Hey, I’m saying we. Go with it.) tend to gather to our nests. Boxes upon boxes, closet full upon closet full, drawer upon drawer, pile on the desk upon pile on the desk.

For me it could be based on observing our oldest K, home from her first quarter at school, bringing with her a large accumulation of laundry among other things. How did she fit all that in that dorm room?

But I digress...

As I think about all of this stuff I wonder how it all comes together, seemingly without our knowing it is even happening. A lifetime of experience, and junk all rolled into one... Or do we know? Do we choose to ignore the stuff? Do we embrace the stuff?

I’m talking about some important stuff here.

It’s not always a bad thing - At our MJB Foundation board meeting last week I remarked that we had never really had a “business plan, “ that we had sort of hodged and podged and cut and pasted and put it altogether without ever really planning on what was happening next. Outside of our events we’re not always sure what’s happening, what’s going on... from one moment to the next and while some of that is circumstance the fact remains that we are still helping kids, helping children experience the JOY of childhood. Don’t get me wrong, we are trying to find better ways, to plan better, to streamline and regulate, but while not knowing is sometimes frustrating it doesn’t take away from the fact that we have done some good along the way, and we should celebrate that success even as we try and improve for the future.

But there area also times when the junk piles up, when the stuff is overwhelming, when we don’t want to go, or don’t want to relate, or don’t want to deal with that... at least not right now.

Still you have to get there somehow....

But again, how does this stuff get here? How did it manage to accumulate without us even noticing? Does life go so fast, do the years fly by so quickly that we can manage to miss so much even when we think we are taking note of everything? Or did we notice after all?

Is it poor planning, good planning, a mistake, a success?

I’m not assigning a value here. I’m really just wondering... How does it all come together, how do we ease the flow, stem the change (charge?), let loose the tide...

Oh wait, that’s another blog post - or is it? (Did I mix up my metaphors?) Are we perhaps more in control than we realize? I mean, I know I make my own decisions.

Right Honey? ;-)

Seriously, I suspect we all have stuff, at least to a varying degree...

I wonder what might happen, how it would look, if we took it all away?

Perspective

2011-11-03T11:33:00.000-04:00

photo credit to Netter.

I took this one.

Sometimes, in fact a lot of times, it's just depends how you look at things...

Took this one with Mulligan pulling me the other way.

A Birthday Mystery

2011-10-26T17:53:00.000-04:00

As I reflect today on 43 years on God’s green earth three stories keep rolling through my mind. I’m not sure exactly how they are connected, but I have a feeling they are, and I’m fairly certain I’m supposed to figure it out. Maybe you can help me?

(Note* The first two stories are things I don’t talk about very often, and many do not know. If you’re not looking for that much knowledge about me well, you’ve been warned.)

The first story - When I was 3 my Mom got divorced, and while I know there are different sides to every story and details I probably wasn’t aware of, the fact of the matter is that my biological father was largely absent from my life from that point forward. There were some visits. There was some contact, but what I remember most is that he would cancel visits often, show up very late, and sometimes not at all - and his new wife is one of 3 things I’ve had nightmares about in 43 years. She was just not a nice person. His stepsons were no walks in the park either.

So it’s understandable I think that after awhile I became detached, and eventually I just got pissed off and said I didn’t really give a damn, and I didn’t.

The last time I remember seeing Wayne, his name is Wayne - was the Christmas of what must have been 1978. I remember the year because it is part of the story. You see Wayne asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and with my “I don’t give a damn attitude,” I decided to go pie in the sky and ask for all the things I really wanted - top 3 on my list.

I wanted a rocket, a whole box of hockey cards, and a television set, and when I showed up for Christmas at my Grandmother’s (Wayne’s mother), I got exactly those 3 things and that was the last Christmas I spent any time with Wayne.

The rocket went back to his farm where we were “going to” set it off together. The hockey cards were combined with the rest of my card collections, played with and eventually sold when I was 19 or so because I was short on cash.

I still have the television. It still has the sticker that says 1978. It hasn’t been turned on in years. Even with a cable adapter it’s probably not even usable with all the new digital cable and such, but I cannot seem to let it go. I once put in on the truck at the thrift store, but immediately panicked and pulled it back. It was in our last garage sale, but I was relieved when no one bought it. Today, it sits with a collection of other garage sale items that have yet to be disbursed. I don’t know that it will be among those to go.

I don’t know why...

The second story - When I was 6 my Mom met and married a great guy who had no qualms whatsoever about her having kids. Instant family just add Rick, as a friend of mine would say. My Dad (Rick), wasn’t an instant father sensation, but he did pretty well for himself in the parent department and we grew very close. When I’m talking about my Dad, I’m talking about Rick. By the time I was 7 or 8 I was using Rick’s last name and when I was 14 he adopted me and I was officially his son.

My Dad is in Quality Control, which for folks who don’t know means - we moved a lot. QC folks can take one of 3 paths when they come into a new job. 1. They go into the company and tell the employees what they need to change, the employees balk - eventually the QC guy pisses off the wrong head honcho and they part ways. 2. The QC guy goes in, the employees adopt his methods, everybody loves everybody - The QC guy gets bored because there is nothing to fix. He stays with the company and retires pretty miserable. 3. The QC guys finds a new challenge at a new company, moves and the cycle continues.

My Dad chose the 3rd option so we moved a lot. Sometimes that was not as much fun as it sounds like.

Inevitably, at some point shortly after a move my Dad would notice that I wasn’t happy or I was sulking or I was bored or some other indicator he never shared with me, and we would head off on a Saturday morning car ride, and then to breakfast or brunch. Something like that. As an adult, I realize that my Dad was trying to get me to talk to him, to let him know how I was feeling, what was going on in my head, probably trying to determine if there was something he could fix.
As a kid, because my Dad would just say: “let’s go for a ride,” I always thought he had something up his sleeve. Were we going somewhere really cool? Were we picking up one of my friends from our old neighborhood at the bus station? Things like that.

I would get all amped up, end up giving him one word answers to every question he asked, be pissed off that we didn’t do anything “good,” and eat a disappointing meal I couldn’t wait to get home from.

Why didn’t I ever just ask my Dad what he was doing?

The third story - Last Saturday we went out with some friends to celebrate 2 birthdays, mine and my friend Renee’s.

While we were out I was talking to another friend and she stopped and asked me: “How are you doing?”

I could tell that she really wanted to know how I was, my mental state, my life condition if you will, so I paused, thought about it and said: “You know, I’m doing really good.”

She said: “I can tell. You seem a lot happier lately.”

We talked a little more about things that were happening, jobs, family, such... but I in the back of my mind, and still today apparently I keep coming back to that. What does “You seem a lot happier lately” mean?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad my friend noticed that. I’m glad I’m showing folks I’m as happy as I am. Still, as it has been quite some time since I was unhappy I’m wondering what has changed.

How have I changed?

So there you have it - Three stories rolling through my head -all with what I think are pretty significant questions - not seemingly related, but somehow I think they are.

Can you help me figure it out?

I Hope You Have One Just Like You...

2011-10-17T12:20:00.001-04:00

I really like my kids.

I say that because I’ve been having this debate with my sister about “the one your parents wished on you.”

I’m sure, everyone has experienced first hand or heard the stories about parents who said something like: “I hope you have a child just like you when you grow up. Then you’ll know what I have to deal with...”

Blah, blah, blah... (Sorry Mom.)

My Mom said it to me, and there were a couple times when my girls were young that I thought - “Oh, this one is the one my Mom wished on me, or No, maybe it’s this one.”

When I really sit down and think about it though... It’s neither one of them.

My girls are both really good kids. They are their own unique selves. They are both very well behaved. They both make good choices. They both have great friends and peer groups.

When I think about myself as a kid, I honestly have a very difficult time finding anything about them that is “just like me.”

My sister posits that perhaps I’ve escaped the curse of “the one just like me.”

I have a different theory In fact, I have a secret.

You know I’m going to share it with you. Ready?

I have gone out of my way to make sure my kids are not like me.

It’s no secret that I think being a kid, being a teenager, heck growing up in general is one of the hardest thing that any of us has to do.

So I’ve tried to make it easier for my kids.

Oh they don’t lack for discipline. In fact, if you ask both girls they will tell you that there have been times in their lives when they were just flat out afraid of what I might do when they got in trouble. I’m not sure why. I think I’d have to try hard to find five spankings between them and I don’t know that either of them has ever been grounded or lost a privilege for longer that it took me to explain to them why they might lose that privilege. Still they have both told me there were times when they were afraid.

That’s good. Fear works for parenting.

But you can’t have fear alone.

You have to have trust, and most of all you have to have honesty. You also have to know when to give, pick and choose your battles as they say. Finally, sometimes you just have to let it go.
So what does that all mean?

I’ve told my kids from day one that when they were born they did not come with an instruction manual. No book came flying out of their mother that told me “how to raise them,” and sometimes I was, well I was just going to screw it up.

It’s inevitable. No parent gets everything right all of the time. But I also told my kids that I would be the first one to tell them I was wrong and I would do everything I could to fix things to make them right.

I only asked one thing in return.

Be honest with me. Don’t hold back information. Don’t twist the facts. Just tell me like it is, and we’ll figure it out.

… and we have.

Now my girls aren’t perfect. They’ve pulled their fair share of stunts. They’ve caused trouble. They’ve taken me to points where I wanted to pull my hair out.

But we’ve always made it right, and sometimes we just let it go.

What? Let it go?

Sure, why not?

I’m sure every parent reaches a point with their children where they just have no idea why? What thought process could possibly be behind that child’s decision? How on earth? What the... (Hey buddy, this is a family blog.)

But you just want an answer?

Why?

I’ll give you an example. Right now, my youngest daughter has taken to spending entire weekends at friend’s houses, and sometimes those friends spend entire weekends at our house.

I mean like literally, they pretty much live there weekends. I don’t get it. Don’t they want to go home at some point? Don’t they need to have their space, their stuff?

Baffles me.

But then I think: “Wait a minute, I have friends I’d like to spend the whole weekend with too. In fact, except for the fact that we don’t have sleepovers sometimes we do spend the whole weekend with the same friends.”

So what’s the big deal?

Of course there is no big deal. There’s not really an issue at all. So why get all worked up about it? Why not just let it go? Let.It.Go. Just let your kids be kids. They are not hurting anything, and heck sometimes when they stay at our house they make me cookies. So you know... Score!

It seems to me that sometimes so much of parenting is just a series of arbitrary decisions, choices we make for no other reason than “because they are there.”

I don’t get that.

Who knows, maybe I’m lucky. Maybe I did escape the curse.

Or maybe I made a choice.

I think every parent who wants to can make the same choice, and I wish them all the best of luck.

I love you K and D. Thanks for being good kids.

iWalk for Ryan

2011-10-10T14:25:00.003-04:00

We met our friends Greg and Kelly in 1999, (maybe late 1998). Over the course of the next few years we spent a lot of time with them, watched them get married, helped them move into an apartment together, and did all the things that fast friends do.

But unfortunately, in this world where we are all too busy and time progresses so rapidly eventually we just didn’t spend as much time together. They were moving into a new home and beginning to raise a family, Netter was closing down her day care business and rejoining the work force because our girls were much older and always involved with school activities. You know how it goes...

We made sure we got to see Kelly and Greg as often as possible, meeting for the occasional dinner, drinks, night out and such, but as they began to have a family we were all just always busy.

Fortunately, we would still try and reconnect on occasion, but Netter and I never really got to know their kids - at least not then.

As Kelly and Greg’s kids have gotten older we have all tried to make sure we still spend some time together with our girls babysitting their boys. Still, we didn’t really know the boys. We always kept up with what they were doing, activities they were involved in, Facebook pics and the like, but we didn’t know them.

We knew that Kelly and Greg’s younger son Ryan had been diagnosed with Autism so we started to ask a few questions, not prying, not getting in their business, but you know these are our friends, younger friends, don’t see them as often as we’d like to friends, but friends and we are concerned.

When we would get together and the girls would babysit at their house we always said hi to Greg and Kelly’s boys, but they were flirting with the girls, bargaining for bedtimes with their Mom - typical kid stuff. One evening their oldest son was being particularly flirty, so much so that I didn’t even notice that Ryan was not involved until a little tug came at my knee.

I looked down to see the brightest smile and a little boy with his arms outstretched for a hug.

“Wow!” I thought, and I kneeled down to give him a hug and ask him how he was, and what he was up to. Was he going to have fun that night with the girls, stuff like that.

… and I didn’t think anything of it - until...

The next time we all got together the whole scene repeated itself, and the next time, and again.

This little boy was making time for me, time to say hello, and give me a hug and heck I admit it I was hooked.

Ryan has my heart big time. I would do anything for him.

Autism has always been one of my hot button conditions. Why on earth God, (or whoever you believe in) could screw around with children with something like that is just beyond any comprehension. I’m not going to get up on my soapbox, but suffice to say finding a cure for Autism is a cause I fully support.

Remember, I run The MJB Foundation. We’re all about making sure kids experience the Joy of childhood, the Joy that all kids should experience. Anything that gets in the way of that is not alright with me.

So yesterday, on behalf of The MJB Foundation and our family we all attended Walk Now for Autism Speaks at The Ohio State University here in Columbus. Joining Ryan and his family and friends to support this cause was the very least we could do for this magical little boy.

I shot a video for The MJB Foundation blog. I thought I might share it here too. Here I will also confess that this is take 2. I got a little emotional in the first take. If you notice the gaps in this take, that’s me “controlling” the emotion.

If you can’t see the video click here.

If you’d like to join Ryan’s team please click here.

Thanks.

Time

2011-10-05T15:19:00.001-04:00

You hear it all the time, (heh).

“If I only had more time...”

What?

I spent a lot of time this summer clearing things off my plate. It’s no secret that I have been doing a lot of reflecting, wondering about the “whys” of so many things in my life, and there has always been one consistent.

I am too friecking busy.

Or so I thought...

So, starting in the Spring I began to really look at what exactly was keeping me busy. As we progressed into summer I gave a few projects back, crossed a few things off the list that didn’t really need to get done, or just didn’t hold the same promise that they did when originated and started well, saying “no” sometimes.

I’m not going to lie, the last was the hardest. I don’t like to say no. It feels selfish. It feels wrong. It feels like I don’t want to help people, and that is not me.

But as a friend said to me recently, and Chris Brogan talked about here a few weeks ago saying yes too early or too often has its own set of ramifications. If you’re working on too many things at once it’s hard to do them all well and then... Well then what are you selling?

Even with that - I felt overwhelmed.

I started to be really guarded with my free time, spending most of it with just family and a select group of friends. I wasn’t shutting anybody out per se, but I was making sure I was doing things that I “wanted” to do.

In August, eager to be rid of my Blackberry I wiped the phone completely clean as soon as I activated my new Droid. Oops!

So many notes tied to so many to do lists were obliterated. I had checked for contacts and pictures, but forgotten completely about all of the other info I had stored in that device.

As I considered the ramifications of this it began to dawn on me that it might actually be a good thing. I knew of only a couple of the things on that list that were “mission critical,” and as I remembered them I jotted them down. The rest... I left to history.

Still, I felt so busy.

If I just had more time...

So a couple weeks ago I started to try and really pay attention to how I was spending my time.

Here’s what I discovered.

Ready?

I waste a LOT of time.

I’m not going to break it down into a lot of intricate detail, but suffice to say that I spend large parts of my days paying attention to details that don’t necessarily lead to getting things done. Not all of it is bad or negative, but it became clear that it was definitely time to figure out what was more important...

The to do list and the stress of not having enough time, or just being comfortable being me?

I think the answer is really a little of both, but for the most part I’m opting for the latter. So, I’ll be revisiting my pockets and looking at what’s left of the to do list and trying to have a lot less stress about the whole process.

I think making sure I can do a few things well instead of a lot of things half-assed, (as my Dad would say) is a better plan in general, and a goal worth working on long term, a goal that will give me more time, or at least help me spend my time better.

What are you working on?

I Believe

2011-09-23T15:14:00.000-04:00

He was “that customer.”

You know him. The guy who always has a question, always has something going wrong, always needs some kind of extra attention.

He was always in my grill - “Fix my MySpace, I can’t play Mafia Wars, My music won’t play.” Never a please or a thank you. Not rude really, but always there, always insistent.

Always

… and then he wasn’t.

I’d like to say I missed him, but the truth is I didn’t. I didn’t notice he was gone.

… and then he came back.

Standing at the desk one day I looked up and he was there. I kinda laughed under my breath and thought about how I hadn’t seen him in a long time and I approached him to say hello.

“Hey man, how you doin’? Where you been? What’s up?

He did not reply.

“What’s up bud?”

He stammered and motioned toward the desk where he laid down a huge stack of papers and then he began to (try to) speak.

In a choked stuttering sometimes non-existent voice, using the papers for illustration he told me.

He’d had a stroke. He was in the hospital for some time, but he was okay now, slowly recovering. He leafed through doctor’s orders and therapist’s instructions, forms he had filled out, and more forms he hadn’t gotten to yet. The stack was endless.

He told me how he hadn’t always taken very good care of himself and in a halting cautious tone with motions to match he told me how it had been the alcohol and the crack that had caused his stroke.

I don’t know why or how, but my heart reached out to this man and I told him that if I could help him I certainly would and I urged him to continue to do the right things, to go to therapy, to stay clean and to please keep in touch.

Because now I was worried. He wasn’t “that customer” anymore. He was now “my customer.”

As the year progressed James continued to get better. He took advantage of the health care aid for which he was eligible, and any other assistance he could get. (I believe, though I’m not certain he is a Veteran.) and really tried hard to improve himself.

He bought himself a laptop and made me his best friend. I told him to come to my Open Lab and helped him with some setup and a free anti-virus solution. He would stop by from time to time to show some new gadget he was into, a camera, a music recorder, and the tiniest wireless mouse I have ever seen.

We have become, in a manner of speaking friends.

When the hard drive on his laptop went south a few months ago he asked for my assistance. I told him that the computer was still under warranty and he should take it back to have it replaced.

A week later James showed up at the library very agitated, not angry but frustrated, fidgeting. “What’s wrong?” I asked him.

He had gone to find out about returning his computer and was basically told he would have to make a number of phone calls.

Remember, he still has a hard time speaking.

I said: “You want me to call for you don’t you?” with kind of a “‘wassup” look.

He grinned. That was exactly what he wanted. He just didn’t know how to ask.

So I called, and I have to give major props to both the retail store customer service department and the computer manufacturer tech support for working with me to find a way to replace James’ hard drive in a pretty timely fashion. In a little less than 2 weeks his computer was as good as new.

Of course now he was concerned about setup and the antivirus and what were his passwords and...

I told him to use the trial anti-virus software until we were sure the computer was going to be okay and we’d do all that setup then. He was okay with that. But...

He couldn’t remember his passwords. No matter how many times I tried to tell him. No matter how many times I went over actually inputting the numbers he wasn’t getting it. But then finally, he did. I thought.

I stopped to say hello to him on my way to do something with Netter and the girls and he was frustrated once again. I tried to help him, but I was in a rush to be on time and he could tell. He assured me he would figure it out and sent me on my way.

… and then he disappeared again.

After a few weeks I put some other staff on alert and asked them to keep an eye out for “my customer.”

They told me they had seen him, but I still had not.

Until yesterday.

There he was; Waving his arms at me, silly grin on his face. “Jim. Jim there you are. Jim, I need my AVA, (actually AVG), and I of course thought to myself: “Whew, thank God he is okay.”

So we got him all setup with his antivirus and I took a peak around to make sure his computer was running well and he went on his way.

A co-worker sidled over to me and said: “Are you ever sorry he made you his best friend?”

“No.” I replied. “I feel like I need to do this, to help James. He has come so far and done so much. He’s really trying to do things the right way. I’m just a little part of that, and I’m glad I can help.”

“I know what you mean,” said my co-worker. “I feel like he is ours, like he is our miracle.”

Exactly.

I Suck At Fall

2011-09-22T13:37:00.001-04:00

If I had to pick a season to call my favorite it would be Fall. The start of hockey season comes in the Fall. I love college football - Fall. My favorite beer is only available in the Fall. Unless you stock up which I may or may not be guilty of doing. Once. Last year. Because it was the first time it occurred to me. Yes, I probably will, might do it again this year.

But I digress... Sorry.

My birthday is in the Fall. My wife’s birthday is too. Halloween is my favorite holiday. Okay, I don’t really like holidays in general, but if I had to pick I pick Halloween. Hard to hate on free candy right?

Oh, and I really like the word “Autumn.”

But still, I suck at Fall. I get really sad. I get grouchy. I just want to sleep all the time. (Yes, even more than usual Dave.) I hole up in my office and stare blankly at my computer screen for hours on end. If you ask me, I don’t even remember what I was staring at...

… and I don’t know why. I don’t remember Fall always being like this, or maybe it was. As a young person I didn’t like Fall because I was not a fan of school, but that’s normal right. (Hey, I used normal in reference to myself. That doesn’t happen very often. Let me have this one.)

Still, as I got older, and especially after I met Netter I learned to really appreciate the beauty of Fall, the changes in the leaves, (even when Netter was pregnant and I had to rake them), the colors, the smells, the way the sun sets differently, the crisp autumn air. I love it all.

But then there’s that drag. Even as I write this my head feels heavy and my eyelids are drooping. I could be asleep in minutes.

This fall I’ve been working very hard to stay on task, to get things done, to make progress on my 3 words. I’ve been successful sometimes and sometimes I catch myself - just - staring - into - space.

Netter thinks I have seasonal affective disorder. I suppose that could be true, but I have always had the mindset that if you’re not bleeding or dying you play the game. And so I go on...

I try to stay on track, and focus. The girls are busy now. K just went off to college. D is caught up in band. Plenty to watch and see and listen to. Netter and I have been going on regular walks, exploring our neighborhood parks and trails. We take Mulligan along when we can.

We get really busy in the Fall.

I love Fall!

So why do I suck at it so much?

What do you think?

An Open Letter to Verizon Wireless

2011-08-01T12:39:00.002-04:00

(This is long and maybe overly detailed, but a lot of folks have been asking me why I am so frustrated with Verizon so...)

Dear Verizon Wireless,

I’m going to need some real help with my next phone purchase. I’m going to want to know that I have the right phone plan, the right data plan(s). I’ll need a sales person with a real solid understanding of what it means to review a customers account and provide them exactly what they need. I feel I’ve earned it and I’m going to tell you why...

Oh, where to begin...

Let’s see - I’ve been a customer since December 2001 even though the guy at Radio Shack where we bought our phone acted like we were riff raff and couldn’t possibly afford such a luxury. While I will admit I was a little surprised at the cost it certainly wasn’t anything outrageously expensive. I didn’t blame you though, I blamed the Radio Shack guy. Not sure we’ve ever been back in fact.

By 2003 there were actual Verizon Wireless stores in our area so I dutifully marched in two years to the day it was due and renewed our contract. (Okay, I was one day late, but I’m still guessing that doesn’t happen very often.) I had no concept of “new every two” at the time so I wasn’t at all surprised when again I found myself forking over a fair amount of cash for a new phone.

By 2005 I decided to live on the edge and see what would happen if I didn’t renew my plan. It was a tight financial year for us and I thought the phone I had was sufficient so we just went with what we had...

We kept the same phone until March of 2008 - A new Verizon store had been built very close to our house, and after driving by it many times we finally decided it was time for my wife to get her own phone. I admit I was pleasantly surprised when our new phones and contract renewal cost seemed fairly affordable and we were very happy to have finally come in to get new phones...

As an aside I wasn’t especially thrilled in 2007 when I found out from a co-worker that I was eligible for a 15% discount and had been for the six years prior as well. I mean I know you’re trying to make a buck, but come on... I didn’t even know such discounts existed, don’t you think someone might have asked me where I worked before that? You know? In the interest of good customer service? Ah well, I have always believed that ignorance is no excuse so no I didn’t really pin this on you, but man it was disappointing.

It would be nice though if you’d also let my wife get the 8% off her job with her non-profit employer allots. I’m just sayin’

We added phones for our daughters as the year progressed with the only mild bump coming in January of 2009 when my oldest wore out the battery on her phone very quickly, presumably from so much texting. Still, the phone was under warranty so it was just a good laugh for us, but then...

Then came August of 2009. Here is where I seriously began to think about leaving Verizon Wireless. You see, though your network has always been strong, and your website has steadily improved - well, your customer service skills are in serious need of improvement. I will grant that some of these experiences stem from your satellite stores, but not all and though you call them satellite stores... Let’s be honest - They all say “Verizon Wireless” all over them.

So what experiences you say? How ‘bout...

The sales rep who told me that my Internet access on my new Blackberry would cost me $15 a month rather than the $29.99 the unlimited plan demands.

Or... The form that allowed him to uncheck Internet access for the Blackberry my daughter purchased from an outside vendor with her birthday funds when in reality that was not an option - All smart phones demand Internet access, and you miraculously “fixed” that form the very next time I came into the store.

Thankfully, after much begging and pleading and many - MANY - DID I MENTION MANY? - phone calls and emails a kind manager, (or was she just sick of hearing from me?) moved up my daughter’s renewal date, (you’ll see why this is important in a bit) and allowed that we could just purchase a “pretty phone” that did not require a data plan which was all my daughter wanted in the first place. Luckily, the outside vendor allowed us to return the phone she had purchased, less 8 bucks for shipping.

Of course, we couldn’t buy the new phone at the satellite store as Agent 10, yes that’s what she called herself didn’t want that store to get “another” commission for selling us another phone. Of course he hadn’t sold us the previous phone, but Agent 10 remained undeterred. So, we got to get the phone in the mail. Yay for Internet setup. Maybe... It was not without glitches and we did have to go back to the satellite store one last time to have my daughter’s address book moved to her new phone. (This was my fault as I missed this step in the instructions.)

A few months later my wife was due for an upgraded phone and my mother-in-law wanted to transfer her phone to our plan so she could text her grandchildren. Yay for Grandma! Boo to the salesman who didn’t hear me say we would not be needing the “extras” and brought them out anyway - we got away with just the memory card which you over charged for as I recall, and boo again for charging us for among other things, an activation fee he failed to mention of $25.00 While we were issued some credits which took effect immediately, that blindside $25 fee... That refund? Yeah that took more than 4 months. No, I’m not exaggerating. I can show you the emails if you’d like.

In February of 2010 for some unknown reason we renewed my youngest daughter’s phone. I’ll save you the big long story about what has happened with her phone since and just put it this way - The first phone was defective, the slider failing almost immediately leaving her phone in essentially 2 pieces all of the time. The second phone, (a different model) was defective. After only 11 months the phone would dial out and send blank text messages without anyone even touching it. It was replaced in February of 2011 - still under warranty. The new phone works fine except that the battery failed last month, and we learned that though the phone was only 5 months old the warranty for the battery goes back to the first phone and new batteries cost $39.99 less 25% for? I don’t know what for? Because I glared at the sales person and told him Verizon was lucky to have my business because they have the best network and NOTHING more? Customer loyalty? V.I.P. status? It doesn’t matter really. You got my $32 and change.

In what I am starting to wonder may be against my better judgment we went ahead and renewed my oldest daughter’s phone again this summer, and I was delighted by the customer service person who worked with her to transfer phone numbers from a (water) damaged phone and worked with me by transferring my renewal to my daughter’s phone so we could get a $50 rebate and essentially pay only $3 and change for the new phone.

But now Verizon Wireless, now you are started to really disappoint me again.

You see my wife would like a smart phone, and I really want to buy her one. We have a line that is eligible for renewal even, but here’s the thing... We’ve made 2 trips into your store, the real store and we still don’t have a phone.

Why you ask?

Well, my wife wants a Droid 3, and at least until yesterday the Droid 3 was on sale 2 for 1. We thought that was fantastic, but of course we don’t have another line up for renewal until August 11.

On our first trip in though, the rather nice sales person offered that the phones could be purchased within 14 days of each other and we could still take advantage of the sale. So, on Friday July 29 we returned to the store where another sales person, (the same one who sold me the battery) explained that while that was technically true the sale might not be continuing into August so he could not sell us the phones. He could sell us one, but not two... and oh by the way - he didn’t know if the sale would be continuing and wouldn’t know until today.. Oh and they didn’t have the phones in stock anyway. We would have to order it.... and why the heck couldn’t the guy have just moved up my renewal day anyway. Seriously, we’re talking all of 13 days here fer cryin’ out loud.

and now... NOW I have a question Verizon Wireless. Actually 3.

Do you try to frustrate all of your customers this way?

Or, is my experience about typical for your customer base?

Finally, what exactly does “New every 2” mean anyway?

I’m going to need some help here.

Okay? Thanks!

We're All Batman

2011-06-25T19:00:00.015-04:00

This is my speech from The MJB Foundation's 17th annual Golf for Joy today. It is being cross posted at The MJB Foundation blog.
When I was a little kid, and even a little bit today I would wonder how super heroes decided who to save? I mean you see Batman saving Vicky Vale, and Spider Man saving Mary Jane. Heck, Superman turns the world backwards to save Lois Lane.

But let’s say it’s not their girlfriend. It’s not an easy or obvious choice, although even those choices aren’t always easy or obvious. 50 people on a bus or my girlfriend? Hmmm... Let me think about that...

What about if there is more than one crime going on at the same time? We see stuff blowing up on the screen, but you know some body is being robbed in the next block over right? Bad stuff happens to good people all the time. How does the super hero decide?

Here’s what I think.

Sometimes the super hero lets us decide. Because sometimes we are the super hero.

I’m gonna let you in on a secret - Actually, it might not be a secret at all... Still, I want to share it with you today because it’s something that is really special to me.

Ready?

I Am Batman

I know. I know. Most of you already knew that, What you don’t know is the secret behind why I am Batman? The core of my “super-hero - ness” if you will...

I am Batman because of you, and what’s more... You are Batman too.

So, uh Jimmer where are you going with this?

Think about this... How is Batman different from you or me or anybody else?

He can’t fly. He doesn’t shoot webs. He doesn’t talk to fish. He doesn’t have a mighty shield. He certainly is not a god.

He’s human. A regular everyday person like you, and like me.

Except...

For the toys.

Remember in the first Batman movie with Michael Keaton where it seemed like the Joker was always one step ahead and then Batman would press some button on his utility belt and swing off to safety. That’s how he rescued Vicky Vale right? and then the Joker said:

“Where does he get all those wonderful toys?”

Well in this world where I am Batman, where you are Batman - I get all my wonderful toys from you, and we get to try to save all these wonderful kids the Joy of childhood. Or at least share it with them anyway.

And just like Superman honors his parents Jor - El and Lara, Spiderman is driven by the death of his Uncle Ben and Batman is driven by the tragic death of his parents - we are all driven by a magical little girl named Meghan Joy.

We don’t have any of the “cool toys,” but we do have the love and support of family and friends and I feel very fortunate to have that support, to feel that love, to share the gifts that we can with folks who need them.

Because while we’re not really super heroes, we are all deciding to help, and that makes all the difference.

Thank you for all for supporting The MJB Foundation. (and coming to Golf for Joy 2011.)

Knucklehead

2011-05-19T14:58:00.001-04:00

An open letter to all the young men who were, are, might, or may decide to date my daughters...

Dear Knucklehead,

A friend once told me that there was a reason God gave daughters to guys like me. I’d like to share it with you.

Ready?

I know you because I was you. There isn’t a thought or a scheme or a dare that you have had that I didn’t when I was your age.

Consequently my young friend(s) I know best how to protect my daughters because I know what to look for, and more importantly I know how, and where to find... I'll just say solutions.

Just so we understand each other,

Stop.Smiling.

Mr. B.

Roh roh:

2011-05-17T13:39:00.000-04:00

Don't you hate it when you bust your behind on something, but then you get missed completely when the props are given out? I know I do. So... I added this correction to the previous post containing information about TechConnect Ohio, but I'm of the belief that corrections should hold the same place in the headlines as the original headlines.

Now, I do plan to do a little wrap up on the entire event, but I believe a miss like this deserves it's own space...

So...

I received a message last night that I have missed somebody and folks, I hate that.

So, let's fix it right...

Let me tell you about Jodi Hoye. Jodi is the one responsible for recruiting, communicating, orchestrating and caring for ALL the sponsors who agreed to sign-up and attend this event. She managed this entire event from start to finish and is a key to this events success going forward. In fact, I've been told this would not have happened with out Jodi Hoye's involvement, and how I missed that is completely beyond me.

Jodi's named responsibility was Sponsorship and Business Development. She did much, much more. Without question, Jodi was "instrumental" to the program's success, and Jodi if you're reading...

I am very sorry.

On jobs and such...

2011-05-17T13:04:00.002-04:00

So, the blog has been dark for a bit... Here's an explanation...

If you cannot see the video, click here. While we're rolling. if you have an embarrassing story or online gaffe you'd like to share - fire away in the comments.

Okay, so the question not answered in the video is No, I did not get the job. It may have been because of the phone, but then again...

I just don't think so. For the record for any future potential employers coming by the blog, I LOVE - huh...

What too much?

Okay, Talking on the phone for business and talking to your Uncle whom you love dearly, (in case he's reading) but does not know how to talk on the phone and / or hang up are completely separate issues. Business very often needs to be face to face or voice to voice if you will, and I am absolutely okay with that interaction.

Oh, and here's the incriminating post in case you were curious.

Alright, before I call it a day and because I am talking about jobs I want to talk about something I have going on tomorrow that is pretty cool.

I am a member of the Communications and Satisfaction team for Tech Connect Ohio. This is a terrific program put together by Dan Harris with the assistance of Rocky VanBrimmer in only about 4 weeks I might add.

From the website: In an effort to support these, (Central Ohio technology driven) companies and advance Ohio' s tech initiatives, promote the jobs available and help experienced tech professionals, recent graduates, and interns find and secure these important positions TechConnect Ohio was created.

So really, how cool is that?

Roh roh:

I received a message last night that I have missed somebody and folks, I hate that.

So, let's fix it right...

Jodi's named responsibility was Sponsorship and Business Development. She did much, much more. Without question, Jodi was "instrumental" to the program's success, and Jodi if you're reading... I am very sorry.

Major bonus that I get to be on that team!

I believe the term is SCORE!

Ahem, sorry... Yes, I am a little excited.

In case you're interested - here is a list of the companies involved.
FastSwitch - http://bit.ly/FastSwitchJobs
TDCI - http://bit.ly/TDCIJobs
Manta - http://bit.ly/MantaJobs
Halcyon Solutions - http://bit.ly/HalcyonJobs
Limited Brands - http://bit.ly/LimitedBrandJobs
Northwoods Consulting - http://bit.ly/NorthwoodsJobs
Oxford Consulting - http://bit.ly/OxfordJobs
Nationwide Insurance - http://bit.ly/NationwideJobs
Huntington Bank - http://bit.ly/HuntingtonJobs
Ecommerce Advanced Services http://bit.ly/ecommjobs
BMW Financial- http://bit.ly/BMWFinJobs
Thirty One Gifts - http://bit.ly/thirtyoneJobs
NetJets - http://bit.ly/NetJetJobs
Motorists Mutual Insurance - http://bit.ly/MotoristJobs
2Checkout - http://bit.ly/2checkoutJobs

I know I have some friends out there who are looking... If I don't see you tomorrow, I hope you at least get a chance to check out the list.

Today I am wearing a tie

2011-04-27T17:20:00.000-04:00

Today I am wearing a tie. Yep, a snappy purple tie, with a sport coat and dress pants, and real live dress shoes.Though I usually avoid these types of outfits if I can, I must admit I feel like a million bucks today.

Ordinarily, I’m wearing jeans and t-shirts and sweatshirts to work. Sometimes I might wear a golf shirt. When you might have to crawl around and fix hardware or microfilm machines it’s kind of a necessity not to get so dressed up.

So, why is today different?

Any guesses?

Well, like most men who don’t work in the corporate world, I wear ties for 3 distinct purposes, 3 types of events - and here’s the list...

Survey says? (I miss Richard Dawson)

1. Sadly, someone has passed. Funerals, wakes, memorial services and the like as a matter of decorum, require a tie. Although - I do have this request: Don’t wear a tie to my memorial service. I’ll save the hows and whys for another day, but mostly I just want folks to dress in something that makes them feel comforted - like a hoodie, or a big honkin' sweater.

More on that another day, let’s get back to ties...

2. Someone is getting married. Who doesn’t love to whoop it up in a tie at a wedding. Throw that jacket over a chair, loosen that tie and dance the night away. It’s just a cool look. You have to love it. Weddings are always fun, well mostly fun, and the tie lets you be respectful at the church and cool at the reception. How can you beat that?

3. Finally, you wear that tie to job interviews, at least for the first round. Time to let folks know you are serious, you are respectful and you are professional.

So (inject Jeopardy music), Jimmer wore a tie today because... do do do do -- dododo...

Bingo, if you answered #3 - I had a job interview.

What’s that?

How did I do?

Well, I’ll start off by telling you that I am really bad at judging this type of thing. I’ve had interviews I thought I rocked that went nowhere, and interviews I thought were utter chaos that landed me a job, the job I have now in fact.

And...

Because I learned this morning that the owner of the company where I interviewed has read my blog I’m only going to say this...

I felt welcome, and everyone I met was incredibly nice.

It really doesn’t matter how I did. Oh, I want the job. I absolutely want the job. I think I would love working there, but the thing is this...

This was probably the first job interview I’ve ever been to where I knew going in EXACTLY what I want to do with my life, exactly what profession I am meant to be a part of, and it felt good.

I’m sure I fumbled an answer or two this morning. I’m sure I didn’t hit everything spot on, but for me, for my self worth - I at least was able to talk about what I know I’m good at, what I know I’m meant to do...

If I screwed it up, if they choose another candidate... ah, it happens. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’ll be disappointed, but I will continue to learn. I will continue to grow and I will continue to know I am on the path I am supposed to be on, the one where I belong.

I didn’t have to bend my skillset today. I didn’t have to change one thing about me. I just had to be me.

And folks...

It feels damn good!

Value Your Friendships

2011-04-26T13:43:00.003-04:00

Wow! I’ll tell you what... when you pour your heart and soul out for all the world to see it’s sometimes a shaky feeling. I mean, you never know what you’re going to get back you know?

Will people think you’re crazy? Will they think you’re full of self pity or guilty of blowing your own horn albeit in a more than subtle manner? Or... what?

What I’m finding out is that people just think I’m me. I’ve done some work on personal branding and the answers I always get from folks end up being something along the lines of:

“Jim, Jimbro, Jimbo, Jimmer, (but never James) you’re just a good guy. Go with that.”
I have to admit that sort of frustrated me, until my friend Nate Riggs said: “Why not go with that?”

See your friends will tell you how it is. They will tell you when you have gone too far. They will call b.s. on you when necessary.

And-

They will ask questions and try to help when they don’t understand.

In my last post I said “... I just took the easy road out and figured “Eh, I have a job. That’s good enough,” and a friend who I haven’t even known very long called b.s. on me almost immediately.

She said: “Why did you really stay at the library so long?”

I replied that of course I cared more than that might have conveyed, but in reality the job allowed me to focus on being Dad, i.e. very little if anything to take home with me after work so that was mostly it.

She said: “No. Your job allowed you to do that, but you kept that job because you like helping people...” and she’s right.

I do like helping people. I just never thought of it in those terms.

My job isn’t so much a job then, it’s really about who I am as a person.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think my job defines me, but I do think the core of that job is how I’m defined. Does that make sense?

I feel like I am learning so much right now that my brain is literally like that sponge my high school biology teacher said it was - just soaking it all up.

Almost like starting over at 42, but not really. Because at 42 I bring a lifetime of experience I just didn't see in that kind of light before.

What was it Homer Simpson used to say? “Doh!”

So today, I am grateful for my friends. Grateful for those who will question my thinking and also seek my opinion about things they have going on in their lives.

I am grateful for those friends I can let my hair down with, the ones who laugh at my jokes, even on the umpteenth telling, and tell me how silly and sappy I can be, and that I worry too much about the small stuff sometimes.

I am grateful for those friends who come to me for help and trust that I will hold their confidence, that I will be there just because, well because I know they would be there for me.

I am grateful for those friends who show me patience as I wade through my many projects, and tasks and understand that while my list is long I miss very little, and I especially will not miss them.

I am grateful for those friends who include me in what they’re doing even if it only means a text message that says: “Hey, I’m playing movie trivia with my family. What are your Top 5 movies?”

Finally, I am grateful to all of my friends who come here and read my stuff, wade through my diatribes, and rants, and help me figure it out. Help us all figure things out sometimes.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for helping me down the path.

Brimming with...

2011-04-23T00:11:00.004-04:00

You may have noticed that lately I’ve been trying to confront some things in my life and make some changes.

One of the things I don’t talk about much is my lack of... well, let’s call it bravado. That’s a nice enough word I suppose.

Pretty simply I don’t talk trash. I’m the guy that firmly believes that if you score a touchdown you hand the ball to the official, act like you’ve been there before and you plan on coming back again soon.

But what I’m learning as I begin to really break down some of my lack of professional success is that this can be a problem.

People ask me, “what do you do?”

“Oh, I work at the library.”

A long time ago, I got invited to an impromptu lunch with the then library director.

“What do you do Jim?”

“Oh, I work in Order Division.” (for all of 4 months)

“Yes, I know. But, what do you do?”

I don’t remember what I stammered out after that. I do, you know - stuff, I do my job. I earn my keep, but here’s the thing...

Even today, I just don’t think there’s anything all that remarkable about what I do.

“But Jim, think of the lives you’ve touched. Think of the impact you’ve had. 25 years is a long time. You don’t JUST work at the library.”

Or, I just took the easy road out and figured “Eh, I have a job. That’s good enough.”

“Jim you take difficult situations and turn them into learning opportunities.”

Really? Because I’m just trying to be helpful and keep things simple.

“Jim, you explain computers in a way that anyone could use one, and learn more about them.”

Really? Because I’m just teaching you the way I would want to be taught.

“Jim, think about the work you do with The MJB Foundation, the children and families you help.”

Okay, that’s something, but I also feel very selfish sometimes because in reality that’s just me keeping my daughter’s memory and spirit alive.

“Jim, you are a wonderful father, a terrific husband.”

Um, thanks I guess but as a father I’m just trying to keep things simple for my kids so they don’t hate their childhood, their teen years, so they’re prepared to go out into the world with values I think are important.

As a husband, I just try to remember that I married my best friend. Life happens and friends work through things to be better friends.

Last Sunday I went to an interview seminar / workshop and I learned unequivocally that the majority of my answers suck.

I had 2 watershed moments.

I talked about having once run my own kitchen table company doing end-user computer support for individuals.

Someone in the workshop said - “Don’t belittle that, (although Kitchen Table Company is kind of a buzzword right now more than anything) you’re an entrepreneur. Highlight that.”

Um, okay - But I feel like I kind of gave up on that, defeated by one customer who just wanted me to do it for her (sometimes the money is not worth it), plus the extra time away from home and Windows ME. (Not a pretty story, trust me.)

Okay, so those are some examples and I realize that my critics are spot on.

I do indeed suck at selling myself, at being confident. Some might say that while I’m confident in my work I still lack some level of self esteem.

Maybe...

So I posted something about that on my Facebook and Twitter status.

“Learning that while I know what I do, I don't sell it very well at all. This may not surprise everyone...”There were several responses, but these two particularly struck me:

You didn't used to sell it very well. Start today doing something different...

Now that u know what u weren't doing well- DO IT! Don't dwell on it just change it.

I’m trying. I promise I’m trying. I’m not dwelling. I am learning. I’m being proactive, i.e. attending workshops, hiring job coaches, things like that. I’ve put in 12 hour days every day this week and included some (building) confidence work if you will.

It’s not as easy as it sounds in those replies, but I know it’s not impossible.

Here’s hoping anyway...

Step 1: Finance

2011-04-12T15:57:00.000-04:00

This is a cautionary tale.

When I was young, all of 19 or 20 I think, I entered credit counseling. This was due to the fact that in about 2 years I had managed to run up almost $7,000 in debt working only a part-time job and thinking: “Somebody has given me access to all this money, I need to find a way to spend it.”

Nope, not very smart.

Still, by 1991 I was 22-23, I had recovered, paid off my debts, learned my lesson, and become one of the most careful money managers I know. Netter and I were married by then. (Yes, she was a great factor in my growth as well.) We paid off bills as they came in. We had very little debt. We were living by the book. Saving. Planning. Doing things the right way as they say.

Then in 1994 we lost Meghan Joy and our entire world changed. We decided that we weren’t going to wait for anything ever again. Life was too short we reasoned. We were going to seize the day and make things happen, no matter the cost.

For 11 years or so that worked. If we wanted to do something, buy something, live something, go somewhere, go to college (me), stay home and do day care to be with our girls (Netter), whatever - I found a way to make it happen. Cash, credit cards, savings, loans, mortgages, 2nd mortgages - you name it, I used it. There had been some bumps along the way, even some roadblocks, but I always found a way... We lived the life we wanted to, without apology.

Looking back, it was a lot of what might be termed “grief spending,” or maybe even “grief living.” Of course, we didn’t identify it that way then. We had no idea. A friend tried to talk to me once about the house of cards I was building. I didn’t hear him. In my mind I was doing what had to be done, and quite honestly I thought I was brilliant. We were spending, but we never missed a payment, we had never been late, and we always had what we needed, (or what we thought we needed anyway). It would be years before I realized my friend was right, and honestly I only just admitted that to him a couple months ago.

In 2004, as Netter was beginning her second year back in the real work world, I realized that our spending was going to be a problem going forward. From 2000 - 2003 while she was doing daycare we were operating at a significant loss. I just didn’t do the math until it was too late. So, by the time the summer of 2005 hit, I knew something had to be done. We had to make some changes, and they needed to be significant.

In the fall of 2005 we undertook a major financial overhaul. We refinanced. We paid off debt. We formulated a plan to pay everything off - and it was working - until the economy began to crash in late 2008.

Of course there was no immediate answer to dealing with the economy, and so we’ve ridden a roller coaster of uncertainty for the last 3 years.

As you might guess I feel very responsible for that uncertainty and I'm kinda tired of riding that rail. I'm also a lot more comfortable these days admitting when I need help and when I can't, and I'm remarkably unemotional about the whole thing believe it or not. For a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, that’s sort of saying something.

Netter, that wise woman who I don’t listen to enough, has been saying to me for years: "you can't kick yourself for what happened in the past."

Yes, I should listen to her more often.

… and so we are looking for a solution.

I did some math and discovered that if I quit my job and cashed in my retirement I could take the 30% penalty and still pay off the majority of my student loan, our credit cards, and our second mortgage, which would make for a savings of a little over $1,500 a month in payments and more importantly mean not having all that stress, not riding that roller coaster.

I have to admit I’m more than a little tempted.

I’ve mentioned this to a few folks and the opinions are kind of split. Some worry about giving up all my time at the library, some worry about giving up all that money. But it’s not really all that much money, and the time at the library is really more an emotional attachment than anything else. There’s something to be said for peace of mind; comes the reasoning from the other side of the fence.

I also have one child heading into college, and another not far behind. I’d really like to have some financial freedom to be able to help them with their education.

I don’t know. What would you do?

*Note: This is not a poll where the reader will make the decision for me or anything like that. We do plan to seek the advice of a real expert, but I’m also interested to hear what other folks think. Would you be tempted? Or am I off my rocker? Let me have it...

“He’s gonna be late for his life.”

2011-04-04T19:30:00.001-04:00

“He’s gonna be late for his life.”

That’s what the announcer said. He wasn’t talking about me of course, only making a general statement about some less than successful folks, but this has been resonating in my head for the better part of the last week.

We live in an a.m. world, and I am a p.m. person. I didn’t choose to be this way, it’s just how I’m wired. Always have been. I come by it honestly. My Mom is a p.m. person. My Grandfather was a p.m. person. Just never big fans of morning...

This can be, well no it is a problem in an a.m. world, which let’s face it is the world we live in.

Very often, I am late in the morning. Usually I can make an early tee time or hockey tournament game. Beyond that, don’t hold your breath. I’m never “really” late of course. Just enough to rub the morning people the wrong way. They look down their nose, unapprovingly, shake their head, make me feel about “this” big and I vow that I’m going to... I’m gonna change.

“I’m gonna.” There’s that phrase again. That nickname my parents tagged me with when I was a kid. I don’t like that phrase, that name at all.

Still, I have a lifetime of I’m gonna, and last week I couldn’t help but wonder:

“Am I late for my life?”

As fate would have it Netter and I ended up spending last weekend away. Well, technically we were still in town, but her company’s annual meeting was being held at the Easton Hilton. We decided to take advantage of the room supplied by her employer and take a mini-weekend. As it turns out we both spent more time working than playing, but it was the time away, out of the ordinary routine that made the trip important.

Fancy digs like this can make one’s mind wander, and wonder what could be different...

I spent a lot, a WHOLE LOT of time thinking about things I have and haven’t done. Accomplishments and failures, dreams realized and unfulfilled, projects, stressors, “what ifs,” could haves, would haves, and should have beens... Some things I hadn’t thought about in years, others are on my mind every single second, of every single minute, of every single hour, of every single day. The fog can get pretty thick sometimes.

I needed this time to find a way to see through.

One thing screamed at me.

Every failure, every shortcoming, every “not yet accomplished” came back to one set of factors.

I didn’t know how. I didn’t know who to ask for help. I was afraid of what might happen if I even tried.

Kinda sad really eh?

To add to my melancholy, while I was going through all of this “self-examination” my wife was enjoying one of the high points of her career, at least from my point of view. Her skills were in demand, she was needed everywhere she went, folks could not have spoken more highly of her when she introduced me to them throughout the weekend.

As I schlepped off to work myself yesterday, dressed in my sweatshirt and jeans I said goodbye to Netter and her co-workers, in all their professional attire, I was very happy for and proud of my wife and all that she’s accomplished in her career. At the same time, I was never more sad for myself.

Pretty selfish I know.

Fortunately, the fat lady has not yet begun to sing.

Keeping in mind my 3 words for 2011, I’ve decided to take some decisive action. Today, I made an appointment to talk with a job coach, someone who can help me identify what it is that I do, what it is that I’m good at, what I bring to the table and help me find a career where I can feel as valued as my wife is in her job, where I can feel the same success, the same sense of fulfillment.

I love my library, but the truth is I haven’t had that there in quite some time.

I’m also publicly appealing for someone to help me with our finances, to give me an honest objective viewpoint of the mess we are dealing with, listen to my ideas for straightening things out and tell me whether I’m crazy or if I might be onto something. I have another post I’ve been working on about the budget. It’s probably the next post in fact, but for now - this is my public appeal for help.

Of course, health is also one of my 3 words, and I am hopeful that working on the 2 things above will also help me to begin to improve on that as well. I can't help but think that losing the stress from words 1 and 2 will help an awful lot with the 3rd.

Yes, I said "HELP."

I hope I’m not too late.

The Mailbox

2011-03-07T18:23:00.001-05:00

Our mailbox is falling over.
Literally.
After 15 years in the same place
The same hole in the ground.

Because I need something else to worry about, something else to take care of. My to do list is not long enough, and yet...

When I stop and think about why the mailbox is falling down, why this is happening to me... I can’t help but smile, hell even laugh, and think...

“Do you hear yourself Jim?

Pity much? Selfish much? From one moment of clarity to now you just want to be left alone all the time?

Really?”

No.

Not really.

I’d like to find ways to be less busy, but I find myself finding ways to do more busy work.

I think the mailbox is God’s way of saying: “Oh, you need something mundane to do, do you? Well then, go dig a hole and put a post in it, and oh by the way, shut up and be happy and focus on something you really need to do. While I’m at it Jimmer, stop telling people what you are going to do and start just showing them. Start just showing yourself.”

Um, okay?

Now, I can’t dig a hole in Central Ohio at the beginning of March so in reality the mailbox is simply one more item I’m adding to my to do list, but I think that’s what was intended. The point isn’t to fix the mailbox as much as it’s to illustrate for me that I am becoming too caught up in the mundane, the day to day, being busy for the sake of being busy - and not really accomplishing anything.

I am working on things. I am always busy. Some of it really is important, but you know some of it... Well some of it isn’t.

Or maybe my mailbox is just falling over...

Do It For Daron

2011-02-07T20:52:00.006-05:00

Today, as we prep for The MJB Foundation’s Bowl for Joy on Saturday if I may, I’d like to share a story of a different way to support children and young people with an altogether different challenge.

Tomorrow, Tuesday February 8, 2011 is Purple Pledge Day. Not sure what that is? You can check it out here.

From the website: On November 13th, 2010, Daron Richardson took her own life. She was just 14 years old. Join us in inspiring conversations and showing support not only for Daron Richardson's family, but for all our young people who suffer in silence from the pain and stigma of mental Illness. Register your school or organization and Wear Purple (Daron's favourite colour) on February 8th.

Last Thursday when I encountered this thought on Twitter an idea started to form in my head.

You saw the smoke right?

What seems like years ago I took charge of buying new hockey jerseys for my Tuesday night C League Hockey Team, Brian’s Bail Bonds. I took a poll, made some suggestions and sent off the order. We were all excited, and then the jerseys arrived. We thought we were ordering jerseys with purple as an accent color. What we got was just slightly different. See...

Purple is one of my favorite colors so I have to confess I really like the jerseys. Most of the fellas? Not so much. Though we had waited almost 10 years to order the purple jerseys, we had new black jerseys only 3 years later, and the guys have been teasing me about the purple jerseys ever since.

From time to time we’ve had to pull out the “purple jerseys,” for example, when our colors were too close to our opponents and we were the visiting team so we had to find an alternative. I always heard about it. All in fun, but I heard about it nonetheless.

This season we are once again getting new jerseys, white ones to take the place of the “purple ones,” which as you can tell from the picture are primarily white. I have to admit I was a little sad about this. As I said, I really like the purple jersey and over time I’ve come to enjoy the banter that goes along with pulling them out every so often. Still, it does seem like it’s time to put them away. But do we really have to just discard them?

It turns out, we don’t. The send off will be a little nicer. The retirement of the purple jersey will have a very important purpose after all.

As you can surmise from the tweet Daron Richardson is the daughter of Luke Richardson former Columbus Blue Jacket Captain. So with tomorrow being my team’s night to play hockey, I sent the fellas the link to the website along with this message:

“We're all hockey players. A lot of us have kids. This affects kids and families and, well a lot of things and folks in so many ways. Let's wear the purple jerseys, (as many as we have) on Tuesday one last time for Luke Richardson and his daughter Daron...Maybe we can take a picture and then retire the darn things and I'll feel like maybe they were worth it after all, and you can all stop busting my chops about 'em.”

Of course, because they really are a great group of guys The Brian’s Bail Bonds Family was immediately on board with the idea. So, tomorrow night at 9:30 at the Chiller North we’ll take to the ice one last time donning the purple jerseys. We’d love it if you could join us, but if you can’t or you don’t think you can bear to watch C League Hockey we all would completely understand. We’re just happy our wives and families come and watch us... sometimes. :-)

Please take some time tomorrow and remember Daron and her family, give your child, teenager, or significant other a hug and share a good and positive thought for the many families and young people affected by mental illness.

Thanks!

What's Next? (and Thank you!)

2011-02-02T18:37:00.001-05:00

To answer the question - yes, I feel much better. I also feel great about the reaction to yesterday’s post. You never know what to expect when you put out your first profanity laced tirade, (at least that’s what it seemed like at first) for folks to read. But you all made me understand that it wasn’t that at all, but instead was an important turning point, something to be well, proud of, and something to build on. Thank you!

So here goes - This is where I’m trying to go. This is what I’m trying to accomplish.

Every year, at least since I’ve been following his work Chris Brogan comes up with three words that will be his “guiding pillars” for what he will focus on in the coming year. Like me, Chris isn’t so much a fan of resolutions. He doesn’t think they help him very much. I kind of feel the same. Your mileage may vary. That’s okay.

In any case, Chris uses his words as a lighthouse, (his word) for his actions and efforts in the coming year. I do something like this with what I call True Intent, (Just scroll down a little if you want to read about True Intent. In reality that post is way too long, but it was my first year blogging so...) but that’s more about relationships and understanding other’s actions than it is about my own actions and my own goals for myself.

So this year, rather than saying something like: “Wow, that’s great that Chris does that. I really admire his work ethic,” I decided to come up with my own words. So I commented on Chris’ post.

“All prefaced by change:

Career, Finance, Health - I keep talking about these, but never focus on them. Until they are fixed the rest is meaningless. Once they are fixed, the rest is everything.”

Those are my 3 words… and that’s where I started, and where I’m starting again after the temporary setback I talked about yesterday.

Do you have 3 words? Do you do resolutions?

What do you think?

Enough

2011-02-01T17:08:00.000-05:00

Be forewarned - this is not your usual Jimmer post.

No, today I’m a little warm, a little hot around the edges, a little well, exasperated. No, actually I’m just a touch pissed off, and baby I’m here to rant.

I came into January this year with great intentions. I’m not a big resolution guy, but I’m also tired of seemingly always talking about and thinking about the same changes I need to make in my life. So, as January dawned on this year of our Lord 2011 I was pretty psyched to tackle some action items and make some real changes, some real adjustments, and... and...

It’s February 1st and I don’t feel like I have accomplished one damn thing, and I’ve only got one thing to say about it.

Ready?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

Alright I almost feel better. Thank you.

Now, I’m not going to be deterred. I am going to stay on track I am going to make those major changes THIS YEAR! I will talk about all of them and about my assessment in the coming days. I will roll it all out there and keep working, but I had to take this pause, this moment. I just got back to some kind of normal yesterday and while I spent the day hunkered down, being comfy in my fav sweatshirt I also resolved that it would be the last day I would let weirdness even think about being in charge. I am in control, and I am tired of screwing around. Last night when I got home, I got back to work and I’m staying on that path.

I just need a couple things:

I need my dog to be healthy. He is the best, smartest, most communicative dog I have ever had. Hey Big Man upstairs or whoever is in charge - Mulligan didn’t do anything to you. If you are pissed at me, take it out on me, but please stop fucking with my dog. Can I say that? Well, I just did.

I need to stop being free.

From now on outside of my house there are only a handful of people who get free tech support from Jimmer’s computer shop. They are My Mother-In-Law, My good friend’s parents who are a lot like my parents and / or have at least shared and taught me that much, and my nephew because he listens to what I tell him about his computer and doesn’t say “Can you help me fix this? You’re doing it wrong.” Everybody else, pony up. No more free. No more 12 packs paying for 2+ years of tech support, no more of me making time during the middle of the week when I am busy as hell and then having the shit break the next flipping day anyway, and then when I say “what happened?” you go “I don’t know.” I can’t work with that. The computer just didn’t suddenly start or stop doing something. You want to use the Force when you’re using your computer that’s fine. I am not Obi Wan Kenobi and you are not Luke fuckin Skywalker. You want me to help you? Pony up! Somewhere between $70 and $150 bucks an hour depending how bad you broke that shit. Not my problem. Sorry. You need another solution - Go find Yoda and see if his ass might be available.

Speaking, (pun intended) of not being free - I’m somehow, (happily) booked into 3 speaking gigs this spring and while I appreciate the opportunity and love to speak with an audience I also think these will be the last 3 that are free. These folks gave me my chance(s) and got me going so I’m not going to change up now and charge them or be anything but grateful to them for letting me come speak, but - I’m not giving anymore away after this. I don’t know how much it will cost, probably more than tech help but less than a family of 4’s monthly grocery bill. Building talks takes time and resources that I just don’t have to give away anymore. I love that folks value my experience and abilities. I just can’t keep giving things away. Is that selfish? Probably.

Sorry.

If I may, I do have a couple more. Hey, I said it was a rant.

Here we go...

Stop mailing me shit I didn’t ask for. I don’t just toss. If you sent it to me I am foolish enough to think it might have some value. Of course I’m finding out most of it doesn’t have any value at all and it is pissing me off.

As such, I’ve got new mail rules.

If I owe you - mail me. If I know you - mail me. If you owe me - mail me. If you want to play, (MJB related) mail me.

Everybody else - Knock that shit off.

Politicians - don’t send me a list of crap you think you did or you think the other guy didn’t. I read the news everyday - pretend I’m Missouri and show me. Thanks.

Advertisers - You want to sell me your stuff? I am plugged in probably 15 - 20 hours a day. Go where I am. Wow me! Be newsworthy. You can pretend I’m Missouri too. Just get the hell out of my mailbox.

And while I’m at it - stay off my phone. Don’t call me unless you absofuckinglutely have to. I HATE the phone. 5 email accounts feed into my Blackberry - use one of ‘em. Text me. Let me know you want to get together and talk in person, maybe over a beverage - I’m in. Don’t call me to talk on the damn phone. While you’re figuring out how to say goodbye - most of us have accomplished at least 6 or 7 other meaningful things.

I like to talk to one person on the phone. I married her.

Don’t misunderstand. I love people. I just hate the damn phone.

Finally, I’ve got one that’s kinda work related.

If I’m helping somebody else, Wait.Your.Fuckin’Turn. My name is not “Excuse me.” You are not more important than the person I am helping. You are just being rude. Knock.It.Off!

Whew!

As I read those above paragraphs a part of me is proud and a part of me is appalled, but here’s the thing - at some point you have to worry about taking care of you. My family and I sacrifice a ton of time together. I sacrifice a lot of free time to do things for people for free and I just can’t do that anymore.

It’s not really about money. It is however about feeling valued, about feeling like more than just “a nice guy.” Hell, I’ll admit it; it’s about feeling some sense of self worth.

Probably all very selfish, but yeah I feel better. I’m tired of treading water and always saying I’m gonna. I’m tired of wasting time. I need to find out if there is something else, if there is something more. I need to actually accomplish something before it’s too late, and I need some time to do it.

Fair enough?

Seems like its about damn time doesn’t it?

Or did the rant just piss you off? Be honest. I can take it.

"You heard me,” he said, “You just weren’t listening.”

2011-01-06T22:45:00.000-05:00

Not many folks have asked me about my “break” for lack of a better word. What was it that got my attention? I’m assuming most think it was Netter pulling me back to reality and making me go on vacation. In truth, that was part of it. But it wasn’t what got my attention.

I’m not going to lie. Work right now is stressful. There was a levy. There is a lot of change. There are some challenging customer interactions.

In November this all came to a head for me, and there was this perfectly nice customer who I had helped earlier in the day tracking me down on my way back from the hospital coffee shop.

“Hey! Excuse me! Hey! Mr. Library Man! Hey!”

I’d like to say that I didn’t hear him, but in truth I was trying hard to ignore him. But not just him, everything. Absolutely everything. I wasn’t on the clock. I was trying to take a break and he was tracking me down on “my time,” a time when I was already feeling overwhelmed.

Finally, my conscience kicked in and I wheeled around. “Do you need something?” I asked.

He had a few questions about some local services. I knew a few of the answers, but I still was clearly coming across as “you’re bothering me.” I knew it, but I didn’t care. When we were finished, I said: “Sorry Man. I guess I didn’t hear you.” His reply: "You heard me,” he said, “You just weren’t listening.”

I walked a few steps and suddenly felt the shame wash over me. “What kind of incredibly selfish person am I? What is wrong with me?” I thought.

I ran after the man and approached him with my hand extended.

“You’re right” I said, as I shook his hand. “I’ve got a lot going on right now, and I’m kind of stressed out, but that’s no excuse. I’m sorry.”

He looked puzzled, but he shook my hand and said: “I accept your apology.”

I encouraged him to come up to the 3rd floor of the library where I knew we had material on some of the services he was asking about. He said he would, and then I left to return to work.

I was just beginning my assessment. I just didn’t know it yet.

I know it now.

Check back, and I’ll tell you about it.

Serendipity?

2010-11-04T16:58:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, the address book in my phone disappeared.

9 years of accumulated data - gone.just.like.that.

Was it backed up?

Ah, another in a long list of “to-dos” that have not been getting done.

The excuse?

In short, I am too busy, too stretched, too tired, too blah, blah, blah...

I don’t really believe in excuses.

I screwed up. I admit it. My fault. I will do better next time. I will reevaluate and find...

The solution?

Well at first, I thought the solution was to focus more, work more, hunker down all weekend, try to get ahead, but then I stopped myself.

Okay, Netter stopped me.

Still, I started to take a second look. Maybe there was a better idea.

It starts with a break which fortuitously Netter and I had already scheduled for this weekend, which has a lot to do with why she stopped me. Who wants a stressed out husband on their weekend break right?

Whew...

Also, time for some sweeping changes on my return...

So at 5:30 today I’m unplugging.

Stop gaping. I mean it.

I’m turning off the notifications. I’m logging out of everything. I’m stepping away from the computer and I’m going to try as hard as I can to stay away from my phone.

Netter tells me I need to learn to say no, to learn my limitations, to learn to give myself a break. “You can’t dwell on what you haven’t done, what you haven’t accomplished,” she says.

And she’s right...

I’m burned out. I’m done. I need to step away. I can’t focus. I can’t sleep. I can’t read more than two sentences in a row, or apparently put more than 3 lines together in a blog post.

This is not the way to move forward.

You can’t change if you don’t do things differently right?

I guess we’ll see what happens...

Have a good weekend!

Why I "Really" Support Libraries

2010-11-01T15:36:00.001-04:00

Talking with my Dad on the phone yesterday he asked me what was going on politically here in Ohio. He lives on the east coast and seemingly loves to talk politics.

But I don’t. I don’t do public politics. Oh, I vote and I have preferences or parties I prefer and some folks might even know what they are, but outside of maybe 10 or so people that I feel comfortable having that discussion with - they don’t know because I told them. At best, they’re just guessing.

Publicly I preach purple because that’s truly what I believe. United we stand. Divided? Well, I think we look like idiots most of the time.

I try to stick to my guns with this too. It’s just one of those things...

No goofy signs in my yard. No diatribe commercials on my television. If you send me a postcard I keep it so I know who to strongly consider not voting for. If you call me, yeah that seals it.

Recently however, I’ve had to make a couple exceptions to my hard fast political rules. If you know me, you know why...

I placed a sign in my yard last May, August & November for The Southwestern City Schools levy I discussed here, that thankfully finally passed, and I placed 2 signs in my yard this year for library levies both that of the Southwest Public Libraries, Issue 8 and The Columbus Metropolitan Library, Issue 4.

I have the post cards. I even took a couple phone calls. In this case, that's okay.

Now, before anyone even asks let me say that I do not support these levies just because I work at the library. This is not about my job.

What it is about, much like the school levy is the kids. I support things that help children.

Just yesterday I talked to a woman who told me how much she appreciated the children’s librarian who read to her son when he was young and recognized him years later when he visited the library again, and how much that meant to him as well. Children’s librarians in particular are pretty magical people by the way.

(If you can’t see the video, click here.)

While the library provides a slew of services for adults, Job Help Centers, computer and business resources, the list goes on and on - I think that the library’s strongest contribution to the community is what it can do for kids. If you take a look at those kids and realize the benefits they see from the library, how much it means to them and their future,... - you know why this is so important.

Which is why I make the exception in case you don’t know me or didn’t already know...

Children in story time, teens in Homework Help Centers, Latchkey kids having a place to go and thrive after school, a welcome, learning environment that is not the street, where a friendly librarian might even sit down and play a game with a kid who looks like they just need a friend. Hey, I’ve seen it happen.

The best thing?

It’s free.

Okay, the levy might cost the taxpayer a few bucks, the price of a fancy meal perhaps, but to that kid who has nothing else, and nowhere else to go - Free is a pretty darn good price.

If you haven’t already please be sure you get out and vote tomorrow. As a personal favor, and I don’t ask for many, if you live in Franklin County, or you have a library levy in your own area please consider voting yes and making a difference in the life of a child.

Thanks!

Hate?

2010-10-21T14:16:00.000-04:00

Today, I want to ask some questions spurred by a number of recent incidents, most notably the Ohio State loss at Wisconsin last weekend.

While this post does contain some content about football, it is not a football post.

Here’s what it is about...
*note - all you’s, we’s, they’s, & such are intended to be non-specific except where otherwise designated.

Why do we have to hate each other just because we are different?

Why do we have to show scorn for others who are not in our party, not on our team, not of the same sexual orientation, not fans of the same team, not our race, not our age, not our demographic in general?

What the hell is wrong with us?

If my team loses to another team, why are you, (folks in Michigan) laughing at our misery?

If we have a rivalry, why do you wish, (folks from both Ohio and Michigan) that the other team loses every single game including the one against your team?

Having been both a Wolverine and a Buckeye I can honestly say I think shirts that say “Ann Arbor is a whore.” or “F*** Michigan” are incredibly funny during rivalry week. But I wonder, (folks in Ohio) why those shirts were on sale during the Indiana game?

No, it is not the week before!

The 2006 game that matched undefeated teams for the first time in forever was one of the best I’ve ever watched. I can’t imagine it would have been remotely the same if one or the other of the two teams had losing records or had not won even one game.

Bo and Woody were friends for 51 weeks out of the year folks. Woody was Bo’s mentor. Heck, Bo coached at Ohio State before he went to Michigan. Jim Tressel himself called Bo a Buckeye when Bo passed away.

You’re gonna argue with “The Vest?”

I found myself a few weeks ago spouting that Sparty, (Michigan State) is evil because that’s what we said when I lived in Michigan. But, the more I thought about it... Well, I really like Mark Dantonio, (MSU head coach) and Le’Veon Bell, (MSU running back) is from Reynoldsburg, Ohio and they’re really just a bunch of kids playing a game.

Evil?

Get some perspective Jimmer!

I root for my team. You root for your’s. We don’t have to root against each other.

If I express a point of view in the comments section of the newspaper that differs from yours why does that make me a flaming idiot? or an ignorant dolt? or “fill in your insult of choice here?”

Why would you hate me because of who I choose to share my life with? Does my sexual orientation really matter to you?

Are all teenagers idiots? Are all old people grumpy? Are all rich people elitists? Are all poor people lazy? Are all “West-Siders” criminals? What about “Detroiters?”

Get the picture?

Pray

2010-10-12T17:03:00.000-04:00

We heard the sirens during the band booster meeting we were attending. We went to bed fairly certain that once again kids in our community were facing tragedy. We woke this morning to find that was indeed the case, to learn their names, and to know a man had lost his life in the accident.

Netter and the girls usually leave about an hour before I do in the mornings. They always come in and kiss me goodbye. We tell each other “love you, have a good day, see you later,” and such and then I fall back to sleep grateful I still have that hour or so.

Today that didn’t happen. I could tell as Netter leaned down to kiss me that something was amiss, something was different. So, I asked her.

“Nothing,” she said: “Well not nothing um, the kids that were in the accident. Well, we know who it was.”

I sat up a little and asked who and she told me their names. I didn’t know any of them personally. One of their parents were friends of friends. I’d done some computer work for them. Dad had played in Golf for Joy one year. Mom and I are Facebook friends. Acquaintances. Still, I could feel it in my gut.

Netter assured me she had talked with the girls and they were okay. We said goodbye with extra emphasis on the “see you later,” (because I believe that makes it so) and I lay back down in bed.

I didn’t fall back asleep this time though. I got up to call Mulligan to help comfort me, and darned if that dog wasn’t standing outside the door waiting for me to let him in. His sensitivity still amazes me. I’ve no idea how he does it.

Mulligan and I laid in bed snuggling, and I dozed a bit, but mostly I just thought of those boys and the accident, of the multitude of things I have done behind the wheel of a car in my lifetime that could have landed me in jail, or the hospital, or yes, even the morgue, and how many times presently that I am afraid of driving, afraid I’ve used up all my chances.

I thought about K, who is in the process of taking driving lessons, but not very eager to finish her in car session, and how I might be okay with that... Now.

I thought about D who declared recently that she never wanted to drive and Netter who waited until she was 25 to get her license, and how that might not be such a bad idea for the girls.

Then I rolled over, picked up my phone and read a text I received from our friends of the friends telling me about the boy in the hospital, knowing I would want to know.

I got ready and came to work and went online to read the articles, and watch the slide show and the video about the accident, and unfortunately began reading the comments after those articles.

Apparently only a few of those folks were ever teenagers who ever did anything wrong, and didn’t understand that a car is essentially a 2 - 3 thousand pound missile just waiting to go off. I know I didn’t. I thought I was invincible. But the adults in the comments section have apparently always been sensible, and well mostly judgmental and yes, it pisses me off.

So I stopped reading those comments and checked on the status of our young friend who is still in the hospital and sat down to write, mostly because it helps me collect my thoughts and find calm.

There were mistakes made in judgment. There was at least one child who will have to live with the consequences of his actions for the rest of his life. There was the tragic loss of a young father, only 31 and there was once again, the unfair, unexplainable, and seemingly random happening that makes us ask “why?”

Nobody really has any good answers. All we can do is make this a lesson, and remind ourselves that each second, each minute, each hour, every day, and every year is not to be taken for granted.

Throw up a prayer, look up, sideways, around, whatever you do to send good mojo and thoughts to the young men involved, to the family of the man whose life is gone, to all involved, and all affected...

That they may find peace.

Because

2010-10-11T16:16:00.000-04:00

Yesterday Netter and I joined some friends to help them celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. It was quite an occasion with many friends and relatives joining in, poems and songs, stories and even a prayer or two. If I’m lucky, we will get to celebrate 50 years one day too. (Netter and I have been married for 20 years last June.)

Now when I say some friends I should mention that these were really Netter’s friends which is why I’m telling this story. Netter grew up with these folks and their kids. The fact is I had only met one or two members of the family and then only in passing.

On the way home Netter and I had this conversation.

Netter: Thank you for coming today.
Me: Why are you thanking me? Why wouldn’t I have come?
Netter: Well, I know you didn’t know these folks. You said you have a lot you wanted to do today while you were off. I just want to thank you for taking the time.
Me: Honey, something that is being lost, well really within our generation is “doing the right thing.” Yes, I don’t know these folks. Yes, I have a lot I’d like to work on, but here’s the thing... This was important to you. I could tell how excited you were to see these folks and help them celebrate. I could tell how much they mean to you by listening to you tell stories from your childhood and beyond. I could even tell how important it was to you that I dress up a little bit, but thanks for letting me wear shorts. Anyway, if it’s that important to you, then it’s that important to me. It’s just the right thing to do.

Now, I’m not patting myself on the back for all this. I didn’t really do this on purpose so to speak. The truth is I don’t know what I would have done if Netter had said ahead of time that I could stay home. I do have a lot to do. I’ve got a list a mile long and a goal I’d like to reach for managing my time better. I’m quickly losing patience with myself at that goal gets delayed.

But that didn’t matter yesterday.

I think I did the right thing. I wish more folks would do the right thing more often. I fear that’s getting lost and I’m not sure we will get it back.

What do you think?

Pockets

2010-09-22T20:47:00.003-04:00

Recently I decided that I have too many to do lists. Not wanting to just let anything go though I decided that I needed a place to collect everything, kind of a brain dump if you will. This was partly because of my summer of rumination and partly because I had run into a couple of conflicts, particularly with my schedule and I found myself saying: “I need to learn to say no.” When Netter agreed with me, I knew I was onto something.

Before I started saying no however, I thought it would only be fair if I at least tried to keep the commitments and obligations I already have in place.

Wow! What a list I found for myself. A lot of ticky tac stuff, some big projects, some projects whose time had passed - the assessment was formidable.

Just look -

No, my handwriting is not worth a lick, but I can at least read my own chicken scratch.

How on earth could I ever even dream about catching up and changing my workflow?

What is it Major Winchester used to say on M.A.S.H. ? (Kinda dated myself there didn’t I?)

I do one thing at a time. I do it very well, and then... I move on.

Um, no that won’t work either... That means some folks have to wait longer than others which might be okay most of the time, but not when you’re already playing catchup.

Okay - I need to designate time. I’m calling that time pockets.

Each category or project will have a pocket. Currently there are 6. This is how I’m lining them up. I have a very big, very important project I have to finish first, but as soon as that is finished - these are my pockets.

MJB Foundation work - 2 hours every Tuesday until caught up, then every Tuesday thereafter as necessary - at least during down (non-event) times. So, yes this will be very much like regular business hours and if you have something MJB Foundation related you want to discuss, the office opens at 6:30 p.m.

Work projects - every Monday - while I’m fresh - could be Network Logix, Library or other career-related activities - anything that moves me forward in the professional realm. I’ve got an awesome family and friends. It’s high time I find my career.

Special projects - currently busy with a college football related activity. That comes on Wednesdays until bowl season is up.

Writing, blogging prep, (not to be confused with actual blogging which can happen any day.) Social Media maintenance is on Thursdays. Learning to pick my spots better - i.e. I don’t need to sign up for every service and I need to be conscientious about pulling myself off of the platforms I don’t use. Finding time to read and comment on other people’s work and digging my way through hundreds, maybe thousands, (years - yes plural) worth of favorites and must-reads and not letting that all get piled up again are among my other priorities in this area. This medium is very important to me. I think it is worth its own pocket.

Fridays and Saturdays are time for family and friends. Time to be social away from the computer screen. If you see me post something on Saturday or Sunday it probably came from my phone. I don’t want to completely miss the conversation on the weekend, but I need to fuel those real-life relationships too.

Sundays are time for family and family business.

Now, this doesn’t mean I won’t do other things on those days, but it does mean that I will devote some pocket of time on each of those days to each of those things, and for right now - those are the only things I’m working on on a regular basis. Does that seem fair? Exclusionary? Am I over thinking this?

Hey, a fella has to have a plan.

Doesn’t he?

What do you think? What are your pockets? Do you have a better or different idea?

Really?

2010-09-16T14:49:00.000-04:00

Two customers got into a fight today that started over a chair. That’s all, a chair.

No really.

So now I’m thinking a lot about the things people spend their energy on and remembering a couple of things that have happened in my life fairly recently.

Last Sunday Netter and I were shoe shopping. I found a pair that I wanted to try on and was attempting to find the correct box number and size when a voice behind me said: “Excuse me.” Thinking I was blocking the aisle I quickly grabbed the box I thought I needed and stepped aside only to have this older gentleman step around me to stand exactly where I had been to look for his own shoes. Apparently, I had taken too long and clearly he thought it was his turn. I glanced down to see if I had actually grabbed the correct box, (I had) looked at the man and said: “Really?” and walked away.

He shouted after me: “What? What did you say? Excuse me. What?”

I just ignored him and walked away. I thought what he’d done was rude, but I wasn’t going to get into an argument about it.

I thought.

It turns out he was trying on shoes directly behind the pole where Netter and I were trying on shoes. As he walked toward us he caught my eye and was staring at me intently. I think they called it “Mean Mugging.”

So I said: “I said ‘really’ because I thought what you did was rude.”
He said: “You were just standing there blocking.”
I said: “I was looking for a pair of shoes, but apparently you are more important than everybody else and your turn comes first.”
He said: “Well, if you want to talk about rude...”

It occurred to me at this moment that this was really silly and we could go back and forth arguing about it all day. So I stopped him: “Do you want to fight about it?” I asked.

He replied: “Well, I don’t want to fight about it, but...”

I cut him off and said: “Well then back off.”

And he did.

I felt bad about the situation and worried all day. Should I apologize to him before I left the store? Should I just chalk it up to a misunderstanding? Should I apologize for the misunderstanding? On and on. The whole thing weighed on my mind. I was spending a ton of energy worrying about a disagreement over picking out shoes.

Really.

During football season last year Netter and I were out at a restaurant watching games and having dinner. On one screen was the game I had all my football pool hopes on. It was the very end of the game and another patron stopped directly in front of me blocking the screen.

Crud!

I waited a few seconds and said: “Hey Bud you make a better door than you do a window,” which was one of those funny things my parents always said to me, but apparently this fella didn’t think was very funny. He wheeled around and proceeded to try and pick a fight with me, swearing and carrying on.

Don’t worry. We didn’t fight, but really a fight about watching a football game. Not even playing, but watching.

Silly.

Obviously, I can be just as guilty as the next guy, but in the long run don’t we all have more important things, bigger issues and such to spend our energy on?

Just some food for thought.

What do you think?

De-Cluttering - Hey, That's What I'm Calling It...

2010-09-15T19:17:00.000-04:00

I haven’t been here much lately. There are reasons for that. I’m not sure they’re good reasons, but they’re really all I’ve got. I don’t believe in excuses, but I think explanations are important. Does that make sense? Anyway - here goes...

Every year I crash after our golf tournament. I love my MJB Foundation work, but the weeks leading up to the tournament are filled with activity, sometimes overly stressful, and definitely stretch my capabilities for keeping up in general. This year I crashed extra hard. I was off my game on tournament day, (not my golf game, my Founder game) and mostly because I was just flat tired. I don’t know if it was because we added Bowl for Joy this year, or because my volunteer force grew to 17 and then shrank to 9, or what it was, but I was gassed.

Thankfully, this did not affect the tournament. We were still able to raise a good amount of funds for children with challenges, and while the day ran long - another story entirely, and probably my fault - it was still by and large a success. I think so anyway.

We took the week after the tournament off, and I mean off. We laid around. We watched movies. In general we just vegged as they say. We did go to the zoo, and we visited some friends, but for the most part - yeah nothin’. I was good with that.

As the summer progressed I was still good with that. Anything that required any sustained sort of energy, like blogging went by the wayside. My Twitter feed slowed down. My Facebook updates dwindled. At times I felt like Four Square was the only social media app I was using on a consistent basis, and honestly that just felt odd.

So I started to take a look at things, really ruminate if you will and I noticed some patterns.

Like History, my life really seemed to just repeat itself over and over and over and over and over and over and... You get the picture.

Even some of the posts on this blog were really just repeats of something I’d said before and hadn’t realized when I posted them again.

So I decided to make some changes, to really work on doing things differently instead of just talking about it all the time. This meant more work off line, but it also meant a clearer mind for me in the long run, and more importantly that change. It’s coming. I can feel it.

Still when you take a step back from something it can be hard to get “back into it.”

I managed only one post all summer. An important story I wanted to share that just sprang out of me because I told it when it was fresh and clear in my mind. Obviously, that’s something I need to do more often.

But outside of that one instance every time I was ready to post again I would get caught up in the advice of the experts, well mostly this expert. But that’s not Chris’ fault. In reality I wasn’t even listening to myself.

So finally I recognized that and I decided to just do it. To just put it out there, but even that seemed forced, and ultimately I just waited - until something felt right.

And they’re you go.

I’ve really decided that life is sorta random and strange and hard to plan for and more often than not so am I. Just ask my wife, and yeah, my kids too.

But I’m going with that and I’m going to embrace it. I’m random and strange, (Maybe I should say different?) but I’m really just me, and that’s really just my blog , and that part about the cluttered mind is a lot more true than I thought.

I’ve learned a lot about myself this summer, and along the way I’ve picked up a story or two to tell. I’ll get to those. I’ve picked up a new second job, which I’m very excited about. I’ll talk about that too. I’ve also picked up a secret new addiction, which I may or may not talk about I haven’t decided yet. Oh, who am I kidding...

Anyway, it’s good to be back, and I’m not just saying that this time.

Mulligan is Med Free!

2010-09-14T14:26:00.001-04:00

Quick update on Mulligan James to get the blog rolling again. It's been an interesting summer. Working on a little more new about The Life of Jimmer as we speak.

For now - Here's a quick word on Mulligan. If you can't see the video click here.

Mulligan's Facebook page can be found here. (p.s. it was the girl's idea.)