Ever Wonder?

This is my second post in a row that wasn't what I had planned on writing about. Today, I had planned to share recipes and stories about the food that Netter has been talking about in her updates to folks letting them know how her recovery has been going. I'm going to put that one off for now and talk about something that happened last night.

The world lost a great champion when Stefanie Spielman passed away yesterday. As often happens when such things occur, I became consumed in the task of finding more and more information about Stefanie. I've always been a big Chris Spielman fan so I knew about Stefanie's fight against breast cancer, but I didn't know all the details, all the stories behind the stories that I found in my research last night. One quote keeps coming back to me today.

In the diary she kept during her first bout with cancer in 1998 Stefanie wrote:

"I do not feel sorry for myself. I do not wish this would have happened to anyone else, I pray I grow stronger with each passing day."

I cannot imagine a greater faith, a greater courage, a greater moment of selflessness. Really, that's what Stefanie's life was about.

God took her anyway.

I'm not afraid to say that I looked up last night and said: "Why?"

I know, nobody can explain why bad things happen to good people. Nobody can explain a lot about what happens in this world, and really a lot of it doesn't make any sense at all.

Ever wonder who makes these rules?

Yeah, me too.

RAGE - Whatever... Shut up Jimmer

A week ago today my lovely wife had outpatient surgery to repair an incisional hernia. She scheduled the surgery ahead of time. Her doctor told her she would be up and about, ready to return to work in 5-7 days. Netter went back to work yesterday. Her recovery is going well. She has an appointment with her doc for a follow-up exam tomorrow afternoon. It seems rather routine from a rational perspective, but the last week has been anything but routine, and in many ways I have been anything but rational.

I have to be honest here and share that today's post was on its way to being a rant about all the things that I think are wrong about Hospitals, and Doctors, and Nurses, and outpatient surgery, and projected recovery times, and boy I was ready to just let loose...

And then - My pocket (Blackberry) buzzed. I had a message. I had received an email update about our friend Harrison.

Suddenly I felt very small. Suddenly all the things that seemed like a big deal to me, just weren't anymore.

Harrison is one of the kids Netter took care of when she did daycare. He is D's age. He's a great kid, and he has Leukemia. You can read about him here.

Yeah, my wife had surgery. At most, her recovery will take about six weeks. For the most part - our lives will return to normal.

Harrison has been battling Leukemia for the last year. He has been in and out of the hospital. He has had a stroke. He has endured spinal taps, and treatments that have made him physically ill. He is in the hospital right now with an ear infection. The hope is that he'll be able to go home tomorrow.

All of what I think my family and I are going through, all the trials and tribulations that are really just inconveniences all seem rather trivial.

In the past week I've had moments where I just felt this rage welling up inside of me, and now I just feel well, silly. Beyond the things that are necessary for my wife to feel better, to heal, to not have to push that hernia back into her belly, the rest just seems superfluous.

So, I'll spare you the details of our (really just) different week. I'll set aside my rant. I'll take the perspective gained from a buzzing pocket, and be happy with what I've got. A wife on the mend, and a happy healthy family.

For that, I am grateful.

Wherever you are, whatever you do please do me a favor and throw up a prayer, or a thought, or a wish, whatever you got for our friend Harrison.

He's good people.

How Are You?

Have you ever considered this phrase? Or maybe you say "What's up?” or “How's it going?” “What's going on?” Any one will do. Here's the question I have today. When you ask this question, do you really care?

I once asked a friend how he was. His reply: "Do you care, or are you just asking to be polite?"

It was a fair question at the time, we weren't really close friends, didn't see each other very often, just passing by from time to time. In such an instance this question could reasonably evoke such a response.

How do you answer this question when you're asked? Do you ever catch yourself answering the wrong question? Someone asks you "what's going on," and you respond "fine." Or they say "how are you?" and you respond "nothing."

This has been rattling around in my head for awhile. I've posted before about being a better listener. I think really hearing folks when they respond or ask this question is a great first step.

What do you think?

Where I Learn Things - (from) Erica

We all have people who make a difference in our lives. Spouses, coaches, mentors, friends, family members. They can be anybody really. Sometimes they can even be folks who are a lot younger than us... Really, anybody can teach us anything if we let them.

Today, I want to share one of my mentors with you. Why? Well, she is leaving our library division this week. It's not because she wants to go. There's a budget crunch. We need librarians at other locations. She is, in terms of service time - the "low person on the totem pole."

My friends I will miss Erica.

The upside is that Erica is headed to my "home branch," the Hilltop Library. I started there almost 24 years ago, made a pit stop or two at other locations and returned (home) in the mid nineties for a few years before coming to Main Library in 1998. They have a great group of people on their staff. I am friends and play hockey with the branch manager. The assistant manager is a good friend. Their Circulation manager was in my wedding, and is in fact another mentor in my life. Many of the staff members I was fortunate enough to work with are still at the branch. I know they'll take good care of Erica. She'll fit right in. It will all be fine.

The downside of course is that we are losing Erica here in our division.

I am devastated. I've been walking around all week in a state of denial, pretending it isn't really happening. Today is her going away party, (with Diana, another of our librarians who we will also miss) and the reality is hard to avoid any longer. Erica starts at Hilltop on Monday.

Life will be different from now on...

I've talked before about how, and why my outlook has changed in the past year or two, what things put me back on the positive track. I haven't talked about Erica.

She's been with us in the division for a little less than 2 years if memory serves. In the summer of 2008 we seemed to be scheduled together on the desk quite often.

AND...

Quite often Erica was talking about a project she was excited about, a techie thing that had caught her eye, or a weekend event she planned to attend.

Always talking - but always about something interesting. Erica's youthful exuberance was infectious. Her attitude made a difference to me and to the entire division. She made us all Glad.



I could go on and on...

Instead, I'll share an email I sent to Erica a couple months ago, when the library was considering the initial steps to handle our budget crisis, steps that all of us thought might include layoffs. Remember, she is the "low person on the totem pole."

That means a whole lot more when layoffs are a possibility, so I sent this the day before the "Big meeting to decide everything."

(*note - ultimately no layoffs were involved, and other cuts were made instead)

I've been meaning to say something to you for a long time, but I get kinda misty eyed thinking about it and so I'm embarrassed to say it in person, cause you know I don't publicly get like that.

I want you to know that you are a HUGE part of why I got enthusiastic about my work, about technology, about - well hell about caring what happens here, and with the library.

Your enthusiasm, your resolve, your zest for life were all there for me when I needed that kick in the ass. You're a difference maker, and no matter what you do, no matter what happens - you always will be!

I thought today might be a good day to spit all that out.

So there!

I can't thank you enough,

And I still can't.

Of course, we'll survive here in our division. We have a great group of folks.
But today, I just want to say out loud - so everybody knows...

Thank you Erica, for helping me find Jimmer again...