Brimming with...

You may have noticed that lately I’ve been trying to confront some things in my life and make some changes.

One of the things I don’t talk about much is my lack of... well, let’s call it bravado. That’s a nice enough word I suppose.

Pretty simply I don’t talk trash. I’m the guy that firmly believes that if you score a touchdown you hand the ball to the official, act like you’ve been there before and you plan on coming back again soon.

But what I’m learning as I begin to really break down some of my lack of professional success is that this can be a problem.

People ask me, “what do you do?”

“Oh, I work at the library.”

A long time ago, I got invited to an impromptu lunch with the then library director.

“What do you do Jim?”

“Oh, I work in Order Division.” (for all of 4 months)

“Yes, I know. But, what do you do?”

I don’t remember what I stammered out after that. I do, you know - stuff, I do my job. I earn my keep, but here’s the thing...

Even today, I just don’t think there’s anything all that remarkable about what I do.

“But Jim, think of the lives you’ve touched. Think of the impact you’ve had. 25 years is a long time. You don’t JUST work at the library.”

Or, I just took the easy road out and figured “Eh, I have a job. That’s good enough.”

“Jim you take difficult situations and turn them into learning opportunities.”

Really? Because I’m just trying to be helpful and keep things simple.

“Jim, you explain computers in a way that anyone could use one, and learn more about them.”

Really? Because I’m just teaching you the way I would want to be taught.

“Jim, think about the work you do with The MJB Foundation, the children and families you help.”

Okay, that’s something, but I also feel very selfish sometimes because in reality that’s just me keeping my daughter’s memory and spirit alive.

“Jim, you are a wonderful father, a terrific husband.”

Um, thanks I guess but as a father I’m just trying to keep things simple for my kids so they don’t hate their childhood, their teen years, so they’re prepared to go out into the world with values I think are important.

As a husband, I just try to remember that I married my best friend. Life happens and friends work through things to be better friends.

Last Sunday I went to an interview seminar / workshop and I learned unequivocally that the majority of my answers suck.

I had 2 watershed moments.

I talked about having once run my own kitchen table company doing end-user computer support for individuals.

Someone in the workshop said - “Don’t belittle that, (although Kitchen Table Company is kind of a buzzword right now more than anything) you’re an entrepreneur. Highlight that.”

Um, okay - But I feel like I kind of gave up on that, defeated by one customer who just wanted me to do it for her (sometimes the money is not worth it), plus the extra time away from home and Windows ME. (Not a pretty story, trust me.)

Okay, so those are some examples and I realize that my critics are spot on.

I do indeed suck at selling myself, at being confident. Some might say that while I’m confident in my work I still lack some level of self esteem.

Maybe...

So I posted something about that on my Facebook and Twitter status.

“Learning that while I know what I do, I don't sell it very well at all. This may not surprise everyone...”There were several responses, but these two particularly struck me: 

You didn't used to sell it very well. Start today doing something different...

Now that u know what u weren't doing well- DO IT! Don't dwell on it just change it.

I’m trying. I promise I’m trying. I’m not dwelling. I am learning. I’m being proactive, i.e. attending workshops, hiring job coaches, things like that. I’ve put in 12 hour days every day this week and included some (building) confidence work if you will.

It’s not as easy as it sounds in those replies, but I know it’s not impossible.

Here’s hoping anyway...

Pay Attention Daddy!

This is not my world.



If you can't see the video. Click here.

Sometimes things are difficult. Sometimes things are messy. Sometimes things are complicated. Sometimes we have to find ways to deal with difficult situations, and sometimes things are just flat out ridiculous, and all we can do is laugh.

But, we have to find a way to work through them.

Don't you think?

Or is it easier to say: "I don't know how."

That's not very self reliant, and it's not very productive.

When I was a kid and I needed to learn how to do something my Dad would very often point me in the right direction, but not always realize that sometimes folks like me need detailed instructions.

He would say: "Pay attention. It doesn't cost anything."

(It took me a long time to figure out what, exactly that meant, but when I did it served me well. Though - a note here to the fellas. Do not say "Pay attention. It doesn't cost anything" to your wife or significant other - EVER! You're welcome.)

While my Dad saying this could be frustrating and create a bit of a learning curve that didn't necessarily need to exist, it did help me become very detail oriented, it helped me learn to pay attention, it made me read signs, it made me read the directions, it helps me quite frankly to be able to read people.

Of course, I don't do all of these things all the time, but I am able to recognize when I need to revert back to these methodologies to get something done correctly.

Recently, I had one of these moments.

D needed to print something, but the printer was out of color ink. So, like my Dad might have done I told D to pull out the tray the printer sits on and open it up.

The problem being that she had never opened up the printer before, and I hadn't told her what "it" was...

"It's right there," I said. "Open it up! What do you think you need to do?"

A very confused D just stared at me. Netter rushed in to help D deal with me and the problem.

So I asked Netter: "Am I a bad Dad."

"You're not a bad Dad," she replied. "You just suck at home tech support."

Ouch!

Well, as tech support is essentially what I do for a living I needed to figure this out. What could I do differently next time?

Clearly, I needed to get back to my methods. So, I sought out D and apologized for not providing enough guidance and specific instruction. I told her I was sorry I had not read her reaction well enough, and I encouraged her to stop me next time and ask me for steps. I told her I would tell her sister to do the same so we were all on the same page.

The next day I found K and explained to her what had happened. I told her I'd clearly had a "Poppa moment," God love him and that while I had learned to learn from him and his gruff yet effective style I did not expect my girls to have to do the same.

"What would Poppa do to you?" K asked.

I could think of no specific example, but some 20 year old flashes ran through my brain and I came up with the following scenario.

"Well," I replied "Poppa liked to watch Star Trek, but when I needed help with my math homework he would come into the kitchen to help me go over a few steps and then tell me to get to it while he got back to watching the show.

It was all I could do not to yell out, Darn it Dad! Captain Kirk is gonna sleep with the Blue B****. That's how it ends. Now Get back in here and help me with my math homework."

What's that?

Yes, I said that out loud to my daughter, who of course then repeated it to her younger sister and all the while Netter was asking me if she could tweet that or Facebook it or something so everyone could laugh as hard as we were laughing.

I have no idea where that came from, but I'm glad I have teenagers who are old enough to know that I was really just trying to show them that I am human, I make mistakes and I understand so all they need to do is ask and I will listen and try and help.

As I told a buddy last night: "I think being a kid, being a teenager is one of the hardest things any of us ever has to do in this lifetime. If I can do something to help make it easier for my kids, as long as they cooperate and work with me, then I'm gonna do it."

Parents - what do you think?

*A final note for the Star Trek fans. I know Captain Kirk's fantasy woman is green. For some reason I thought blue. Phase me!

Where I Learn Things - (from) Erica

We all have people who make a difference in our lives. Spouses, coaches, mentors, friends, family members. They can be anybody really. Sometimes they can even be folks who are a lot younger than us... Really, anybody can teach us anything if we let them.

Today, I want to share one of my mentors with you. Why? Well, she is leaving our library division this week. It's not because she wants to go. There's a budget crunch. We need librarians at other locations. She is, in terms of service time - the "low person on the totem pole."

My friends I will miss Erica.

The upside is that Erica is headed to my "home branch," the Hilltop Library. I started there almost 24 years ago, made a pit stop or two at other locations and returned (home) in the mid nineties for a few years before coming to Main Library in 1998. They have a great group of people on their staff. I am friends and play hockey with the branch manager. The assistant manager is a good friend. Their Circulation manager was in my wedding, and is in fact another mentor in my life. Many of the staff members I was fortunate enough to work with are still at the branch. I know they'll take good care of Erica. She'll fit right in. It will all be fine.

The downside of course is that we are losing Erica here in our division.

I am devastated. I've been walking around all week in a state of denial, pretending it isn't really happening. Today is her going away party, (with Diana, another of our librarians who we will also miss) and the reality is hard to avoid any longer. Erica starts at Hilltop on Monday.

Life will be different from now on...

I've talked before about how, and why my outlook has changed in the past year or two, what things put me back on the positive track. I haven't talked about Erica.

She's been with us in the division for a little less than 2 years if memory serves. In the summer of 2008 we seemed to be scheduled together on the desk quite often.

AND...

Quite often Erica was talking about a project she was excited about, a techie thing that had caught her eye, or a weekend event she planned to attend.

Always talking - but always about something interesting. Erica's youthful exuberance was infectious. Her attitude made a difference to me and to the entire division. She made us all Glad.



I could go on and on...

Instead, I'll share an email I sent to Erica a couple months ago, when the library was considering the initial steps to handle our budget crisis, steps that all of us thought might include layoffs. Remember, she is the "low person on the totem pole."

That means a whole lot more when layoffs are a possibility, so I sent this the day before the "Big meeting to decide everything."

(*note - ultimately no layoffs were involved, and other cuts were made instead)

I've been meaning to say something to you for a long time, but I get kinda misty eyed thinking about it and so I'm embarrassed to say it in person, cause you know I don't publicly get like that.

I want you to know that you are a HUGE part of why I got enthusiastic about my work, about technology, about - well hell about caring what happens here, and with the library.

Your enthusiasm, your resolve, your zest for life were all there for me when I needed that kick in the ass. You're a difference maker, and no matter what you do, no matter what happens - you always will be!

I thought today might be a good day to spit all that out.

So there!

I can't thank you enough,

And I still can't.

Of course, we'll survive here in our division. We have a great group of folks.
But today, I just want to say out loud - so everybody knows...

Thank you Erica, for helping me find Jimmer again...