Took Me a Minute... But listen...

 I have to admit it took me a minute, or two, or a few days or eight I guess to be exact...

Still, I wasn't expecting so much feedback on my post from last week. I want to start out by saying I am very appreciative of all the support - the comments, the messages, even the phone calls, (still hate talking on the phone for the record), all of it. I felt the support and the love and... well, thank you.

But here's the thing - I know -

I know I don't owe anybody anything. I know I can just be my own person, my own self, without apology. I know. 

Yes, I have a history of over thinking things. I've been known to be a pleaser, to promise my time, etc... and so on, and I know it's okay to let that all go. 

Really!

I'm not asking for forgiveness. I'm asking to be heard.

I want to let people know - I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING TO BE SELFISH! MY FAMILY IS NOT DOING ANYTHING TO BE MEAN, OR VINDICTIVE! 

But people don't want to hear that do they? 

They'd rather assign their own meaning, to make it about them...

Why on earth would anything not be about them?

We are a selfish lot aren't we..? Humans...

Eh. 

My brain hurts - 

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, or call anyone out personally, but I'm tired of keeping this all bottled up so let's just get this out there...

I once had a teacher who told us flat out she was going to grade us how she liked us. She really meant she'd help our grades if we at least acted like we gave a shit, but go with me here... (Extra points to the Ready grads who can tell me who I'm talking about.)

So - going forward - if you think I'm talking about you - Sure, whatever, I am... Have fun with it. 

Life is supposed to be fun after all... 

Have a good week - I'll talk to you soon. 

When you gotta write - I guess.

 Conflicted? Confused? Perplexed? What's the word... I don't know... But I have to find out.

So, I'm writing this time purely for me - Up front, I want everyone to know that. I know some people like to read my work so I'm sharing it, but if I'm being honest - I'm doing this, trying this again - for me. 

Just about four years ago my life changed significantly, and I had to shift my focus, change my lifestyle, hell change how people know me...

... and in the last few months I'm finding out that not everyone is okay with that - 

That decisions I've made aren't the ones they wanted me to make... aren't the ones that serve them best? Even if they serve me best?

I don't know...

But I do know that just about every day in my head I have this dialogue going on where I'm trying to figure it out - so I thought I'd share. 

In little bits at a time - 

- So that's all for today. 

Thanks for listening...