I call it "the other foot," sometimes "the other shoe" - and from time to time I just know it is going to drop.
It comes from nowhere without warning. Good days, Bad days, the foot doesn't care. When it gets here. It makes its presence known - sometimes longer than others.
What is it you say, this ominous thing?
Some might call it depression, paranoia, sadness or anxiety. I have learned to just call it, "the foot."
Something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, this horrible feeling of helplessness.
- and it hits me - HARD
I don't mind talking about it. In most if not all moments I am able to be rational and deal with it. Just wait for it to pass.
Sometimes Netter will catch me and ask what is wrong, even she has learned that if I say, "the foot," it is okay to just let it pass. She always asks if she can get me anything or do anything. I usually respond that I just need some time.
It wasn't always this way of course and there have been times in my life when the foot was worse than others.
The key is I know I'm not alone. I am able to reach out to friends and family who will support me through thick and thin. I've built a pretty good network in my 40 years, some good folks - and they mean the world to me.
I am also there for them whenever need be and I support them through their tough times sharing my experience and hopefully providing some help, some relief along the way.
Sometimes you've just got to find a way to be good to yourself and hold on tight.
This all makes the good times even better.
Sitting at dinner with my wife yesterday evening she asked me what I could do, what could we do to make me happier.
I was a bit puzzled.
"You know, in your job. What do you want to be? What are you going to do?"
I considered that for a minute - in truth I don't have the answer. Every day for me now is an opportunity. I'm trying and learning new things, being social, being techie, being positive above all else. I'm happier in my job than I've been in a long, long time.
After a moment I looked at my beautiful wife and I said:
"Who wouldn't want to be me? I'm not saying this just to say this, (okay I really said I'm not saying this just to blow sunshine up your a**) but look at what I have, how lucky I am. I have the world's best wife who supports me in whatever I do. You are my best friend You're a great mother to our children. I have two wonderful kids who are smart, and beautiful, and responsible young adults.
Sure," I continued "I've faced my share of adversity. I've buried a child, my Mom went through a divorce when I was little, I'm sure some things that no one would ever need or want to know about.
Do I wish we had less debt, or new cars or new carpeting for that matter. Sure I do. Who wouldn't? But I'm not going to dwell on those things.
I've got an incredible family. I've got awesome friends. Who wouldn't want to be me?"
Take that "foot."
14 hours ago