Dear Anonymous - You suck!

Today, I am angry. No, I am outraged. Ms Single Mama, one of my favorite bloggers is basically being driven off line because of the actions of people who have decided that it is their place to judge her, her life, and how she raises her son. It should come as no surprise that most of these people are Internet idiots who post anonymously, use only their first name, or use some cryptic username whose origin or meaning is known only to them.

One of the things I have always preached to my girls is that when you are online you are responsible for what you say or post, what pictures you allow to be published of yourself, and in general your own behavior.

Of course, the one way around this responsibility is to use some anonymous user name.

This is why I post everything as Jim Brochowski, or JimBrochowski. Of course, if your kids are 13 and 17 you might not want them to use their full names. This is fine as long as they use names that uniquely identify them to their friends, their peers, and their family. When I reference K or D it's not just because I don't want to use their full names. It's also because that's truly what we call them sometimes. When I post somewhere as Jimbro or Jimmer, I do it only in a context where I know I'm going to be held accountable for what I say and do because that audience addresses me by those names.

It's called personal responsibility. We all should have it. It should be required for using the Internet.

Not demanding personal responsibility can lead to hateful remarks, deceitful lies, and the spread of ignorance, not to mention the complete and total lack of punctuation, spelling, or even sometimes grammar. But I digress...

More importantly it leads to hurt. It leads to fear, and it means that, in this case especially we will lose an important voice from our community.

Ms. Single Mama's story is an inspiration not only to single mothers, but to many others who are searching for confidence in themselves and their life choices. It is a way for children of divorce to understand what might have happened to their own parent's marriages and to find a "normal" in a life with only one parent, or maybe even several parents. It's a story for everyone to see that there is always a way, that we should never give up, that we should always keep trying to make our dreams come true.

That's what it is for me. That's what it should be for everyone.

I don't write much should or would or could. I don't get fired up about too much anymore at all. I don't do politics. I don't debate religion, and I don't address issues that pertain to a woman's body. The first two because a lot more negative than positive seems to stem from those discussions, and the latter because I'm not a woman.

But, I will defend to my death a person's right to not be judged, and especially to not be judged publicly.

When all is said and done; Wrong is still Wrong!

Note* I know there are people who use usernames that are very responsible, that use those names because they don't feel safe, and for a myriad number of other reasons. The difference is, those people don't act like fools. They aren't mean for the sake of being mean. They don't incite arguments for the sake of arguing. They don't judge.

I also know there are some people who are out there judging Ms. Single Mama who aren't hiding behind anonymity. To put it in the simplest terms, I'm not going to give them the traffic.

Now, here's your full disclosure: I am the son of a once single mother, and while my mother was fortunate enough to find a loving husband and father, (or maybe he was lucky enough to find her) there was still plenty of awkwardness, plenty of situations, and experiences that we had to deal with that just weren't, and quite honestly sometimes still aren't "normal."

What is that saying? Until you've walked a mile in their shoes...

It's Personal - But It's Not Just Me...

For anyone who hasn't noticed, I've been dealing with a bit of writer's block. One thing I haven't shared is that part of this is because I've had some very personal things happening in the last month, and I was being more guarded than I had realized, or quite honestly planned on. I really didn't know why, until the last week or so, when I started to think about my next post.

For the first time in, well ever I was seriously thinking about how much I wanted to share.

I want to get back to the personal, talking about common experiences that affect us all that maybe not all of us are comfortable talking about, though we are comforted knowing we are not alone.

But, is my stuff too personal right now? Would I be revealing too much? How could I do that? Are there other people dealing with the same kinds of situations and dilemmas?

Then, I talked to a friend who let me know in so many ways that I indeed am not alone, and people can absolutely benefit from that discussion. I won't tell you who, but I will say a public "Thank you" to my friend. You know who you are.

In the end, I've got to be me. I've got to be out there. I think that discussion, the conversation is more important than worrying about someone knowing all about my life.

What do you think?

Hello..?

Last month Netter and I attended a tour of the recently renovated Thompson Library at The Ohio State University.

As we arrived, we recognized many of our library friends on the tour, and a few familiar faces that maybe we couldn't put with names, nodded and said hello and took our seats.

Before the introductory presentation I stopped at the refreshment table for some chips a healthy snack, and I was greeted by a very friendly lady who commented that those chips snacks looked delicious, and then she paused...

"You're Jim. right?"

I replied that I was, well am, well whatever, you know what I said.

"Oh, we're Facebook friends. I know all about your life."

She then introduced herself as being a fellow library staff member who worked at another location, and explained that she didn't post very much on Facebook, but did pay attention to what others posted.

She was really nice, and I was glad to meet yet another Facebook friend in person. My general rule of thumb for friending people is that we have to have some common interest, know a few of the same people, and maybe have some chance of connecting in real life somewhere down the road.

All of the above criteria were met, so it didn't surprise me that I was only meeting this Facebook friend for the very first time. I thanked her for introducing herself, and we went off on the tour.

As the evening progressed, and then more time passed I started to think about this interaction and what it could have meant, for example in conjunction with my Internet Safety project.

This time I met a very nice person with nothing but good intentions.

But, what about the next time? What if that person had said:

"WE'RE FACEBOOK FRIENDS. I.KNOW.ALL.ABOUT.YOUR.LIFE."

Well, that would have been a little bit different wouldn't it?

What are you up to Jimmer?

Last week, very late Wednesday night I did something I have never done before. I asked specific people to go comment on my blog. Today, I want to thank everyone and explain my thought process a little bit.

Last Monday, I met with my friend Nate Riggs to talk about his affiliation with TeamBuilder Search. I am considering different career directions and I was intrigued by the possibilities there might be for me to work with Nate as part of his new endeavor. I also really wanted to talk to Nate because I think he's super smart, and has great ideas about taking advantage of our individual strengths.

During our discussion Nate and I started talking about Internet presence and I mentioned that I posted my girls' blogs to my network and community whenever they wrote something new. Nate gave me big props for that (Thanks, Nate!), and then an idea was born. (Thank you Nate for that too!)

I'm beginning work on building a base of information, outlines, something like that to use to present as a curriculum of sorts for kids' responsible use of the social web in particular. As this evolves I hope to find a way to share this information with kids and help them safely find their way through the maze of tools available. I love kids. I love to coach. I love to use social media. Why not coach kids in the best, and more importantly, the safest ways to use social media? Right?

On Monday, I put up a post talking about this new idea, and the feedback both public and private (from parents who didn't want to embarrass their kids or post too much about them in a public forum), was nothing but positive.

As the next step, I thought it would be a good idea to share this project with my family. I asked Netter and the girls to work on guest posts to talk about their thoughts on the subject. The girls are still working on their posts, but Netter finished hers, and I couldn't have been more thrilled. It was a perfect piece to kick off my project. Much better than anything I could have written, and exactly where I wanted to start things. I couldn't help but think: "More people have got to read this. This is really an important topic. I need to start a little buzz."

So, as Chris Brogan might say, I decided to spend a little social media capital and ask some folks to take a look. Thank you to everyone who took the time.

Now just to clear up a few questions folks may have:

• No, if this had been my post about my project I would not have done this.
• No, my blog will not become all about this one topic. There will still be plenty of stories about families, and IGs, and all the other things my brain rambles around all the time.
• No, I did not just ask the heavy hitters / rock stars of the Social Media community to take a look. I didn't even ask them all. I asked folks that I had interacted with in the last week or two using the tools I am discussing, and Netter was addressing.
• No, I will not be soliciting comments for every post on this topic. I put it out there and let folks know what I am talking about here from time to time. If they are interested, I trust that they'll come back. If they're not, that's okay too. I'm not really good at blowing my own horn so I don't anticipate I'll be beating my chest here or anywhere else anytime soon.
• Yes, I like the word "folks."
• Yes, I think you should check out Nate Riggs' work and follow his blog.
• Yes, I think NetterB is an awesome writer who should write more often.
• Yes, I am grateful I have such a great network and community of friends.
  

You're all rock stars! Thanks for stopping by.

Right Tool for the Job - A Guest Post from NetterB

Netter graciously shares her thoughts on Internet Responsibility with us today as a part of my new project. Give her a visit sometime at Practically Netter. In the interim we're lucky to have her here today.

Welcome Honey!

How many dangers do our kids face each day? The world is constantly evolving and is pretty scary when you think about it.

For example, something as simple as a paring knife can be used as a weapon or a tool – it all depends. A knife is sharp and has the potential to harm. It depends on the intent on how it is used. It could be used for bad purposes - to deface something or to harm someone. But it also depends on training. As parents, we train our kids in knife skills so they don’t cut themselves.

The same can be said for the internet and social media. It is a powerful tool, but danger lurks everywhere online. Any online interaction with the wrong intent poses a threat to our kids. Training and parental supervision are of the utmost importance.

My kids are digital natives. They are comfortable in this electronic world. They’ve grown up in the midst of it, using computers is second-nature and their cell phones have almost become another appendage.

I, on the other hand, am not a native. I’ll admit it, electronic gadgets and gizmos can be frustrating, confusing and intimidating. But I’d like to think I have become a digital immigrant. Some people may choose not to actively participate in online communities, but I feel as a parent of teenage daughters, it isn’t a choice for me. I am active in various social media communities and keep a close eye on what my girls are up to.

There are some who would say to just not let your children have access to the internet, or limit it through filters. Sort of like not letting them use a paring knife because they might cut themselves. I think this is unreasonable and more of a disservice to the youngsters. It’s more important to teach them the right and wrong than to try to shield them from it completely.

We can’t protect our kids from the dangers they will encounter in the world, online or virtual. We can only try to give them the tools they’ll need to be successful and prepare them for what they might face to help them make good decisions and choices.

Internet Responsibility - A new project ?

I have a few inspirations for today's post. A conversation I had this morning with my friend Nate Riggs who also posted on the subject earlier this year. An article in Today's Detroit Free Press, and last but not least a note I got from a friend via Facebook last week.

So, Jim, how does one block one's child from Facebook? If I go in and change her password, will that take care of it? Or could she request the password and they will send her the new one on her email? I'll keep looking at the FB site....

Short story, My daughter was going to send a letter to a someone she met through Facebook somehow. Gosh the address of the person was a P.O. Box. What a shocker. And should we alert police that this might be a potential stalker/creeper? Or am I overreacting?

I really want to strangle my daughter.

Okay, obviously my friend is not going to strangle her daughter, but this does raise a very real, and ongoing question about Internet safety, particularly for our children.

So what's the answer? Well, the simple answer is to turn everything off right? If we ignore it, the problem goes away...

Or does it?

Personally, I don't think the Internet is going anywhere anytime soon. In fact, I think the Internet is going to continue to become more and more a part of our daily lives, particularly with the continued growth of the social web.

So, what are some other answers?

I think the answer is to involve our children in the Internet, direct their involvement, or as Nate put it this morning - channel that water that is already running downhill.

Rather than elaborate right now though, I'd like to ask for your input. What do you think the answer is? How would you solve my friend's problem with her daughter?

A bigger question to tackle in the process of course is how do we direct our child's involvement in the social web? Do you think there should be rules? What do you think those rules should be?

As the discussion continues, I hope to post more about this by talking about the various tools that are available, and how our kids can make the best use of them.

But as we kick this off, I'm giving my readers the floor. I'm really interested in your input here. What say you?