More Than We Can See?

“Look! There it is, off in the distance. Can you see it?”

It was Mount Rushmore. When I was 8, or was it 1978 which for some reason I always associate with being 8 even though I was 10...

Anyway - in 1978 my family went on a trip out west. I remember that we traveled to Salt Lake City, The Grand Canyon, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and finally arrived to visit relatives whose exactly locale, quite honestly I forget. (Somewhere in California?)

But -

Here’s what I remember.

We saw a lot, but we didn’t really do a lot, and the one example that really stands out -

is Mount Rushmore.

As I remember it we quite literally stopped by the side of the road, looked up, said “look there it is,” and went on our way. I don't really know why. That's just what we did.
 
For some reason I always thought that was all there was. It never even occurred to me that there might be a park, or a way to get closer until I watched The National Treasure: Book of Secrets.

Yes, that seems silly to me too.

In any case...

This story has come up more than once in conversation during the past few weeks. Today, it kind of stuck in my head. Of course, I started to ask myself why?

Here’s my theory....

There’s always more to the story. There’s always a different route. There’s always a different way. There’s always something not everybody knows.

Save for some extremes - No one way is right. No one path is absolute.

The world allows for differences.

It’s okay to question, but it’s not okay to judge.

… and now for some reason I have Paul Harvey stuck in my head: “And that’s the rest of the story.”

Stuff...

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, okay for at least the last few weeks, about accumulation.

Maybe it’s because it is the season for accumulating. Maybe it’s the boxes and boxes... and boxes and boxes... and boxes and boxes...

And did I mention boxes? … of Christmas stuff Netter puts up to decorate each year.
(I like to tease her, but the truth is I really love the holiday decor. Shhh... don’t tell her. ;-)

It might be the lists that propagate this time of year. Grocery lists, guest lists, gift lists, lists for Santa and the like

Perhaps, it is because it’s that time of year when we all get together with our families, when we are reminded of our roots, of things that we learned as kids, traditions, stories, the evolution of ourselves, likes, dislikes, new likes, new dislikes... and you know … the like.
(last time, I promise)

For some one supposes a little more inventory is taken when we are inside all winter. Perhaps we notice more the number of material possessions we, (Hey, I’m saying we. Go with it.) tend to gather to our nests. Boxes upon boxes, closet full upon closet full, drawer upon drawer, pile on the desk upon pile on the desk.

For me it could be based on observing our oldest K, home from her first quarter at school, bringing with her a large accumulation of laundry among other things. How did she fit all that in that dorm room?

But I digress...

As I think about all of this stuff I wonder how it all comes together, seemingly without our knowing it is even happening. A lifetime of experience, and junk all rolled into one... Or do we know? Do we choose to ignore the stuff? Do we embrace the stuff?

I’m talking about some important stuff here.

It’s not always a bad thing - At our MJB Foundation board meeting last week I remarked that we had never really had a “business plan, “ that we had sort of hodged and podged and cut and pasted and put it altogether without ever really planning on what was happening next. Outside of our events we’re not always sure what’s happening, what’s going on... from one moment to the next and while some of that is circumstance the fact remains that  we are still helping kids, helping children experience the JOY of childhood. Don’t get me wrong, we are trying to find better ways, to plan better, to streamline and regulate, but while not knowing is sometimes frustrating it doesn’t take away from the fact that we have done some good along the way, and we should celebrate that success even as we try and improve for the future.

But there area also times when the junk piles up, when the stuff is overwhelming, when we don’t want to go, or don’t want to relate, or don’t want to deal with that... at least not right now.

Still you have to get there somehow....

But again, how does this stuff get here? How did it manage to accumulate without us even noticing? Does life go so fast, do the years fly by so quickly that we can manage to miss so much even when we think we are taking note of everything? Or did we notice after all?

Is it poor planning, good planning, a mistake, a success?

I’m not assigning a value here. I’m really just wondering... How does it all come together, how do we ease the flow, stem the change (charge?), let loose the tide...

Oh wait, that’s another blog post - or is it? (Did I mix up my metaphors?) Are we perhaps more in control than we realize? I mean, I know I make my own decisions.

Right Honey? ;-)

Seriously, I suspect we all have stuff, at least to a varying degree...


I wonder what might happen, how it would look, if we took it all away?

Do It For Daron

Today, as we prep for The MJB Foundation’s Bowl for Joy on Saturday if I may, I’d like to share a story of a different way to support children and young people with an altogether different challenge.

Tomorrow, Tuesday February 8, 2011 is Purple Pledge Day. Not sure what that is? You can check it out here.  

From the website: On November 13th, 2010, Daron Richardson took her own life. She was just 14 years old. Join us in inspiring conversations and showing support not only for Daron Richardson's family, but for all our young people who suffer in silence from the pain and stigma of mental Illness. Register your school or organization and Wear Purple (Daron's favourite colour) on February 8th.

Last Thursday when I encountered this thought on Twitter an idea started to form in my head.

You saw the smoke right?

What seems like years ago I took charge of buying new hockey jerseys for my Tuesday night C League Hockey Team, Brian’s Bail Bonds. I took a poll, made some suggestions and sent off the order. We were all excited, and then the jerseys arrived. We thought we were ordering jerseys with purple as an accent color. What we got was just slightly different. See...

Purple is one of my favorite colors so I have to confess I really like the jerseys. Most of the fellas? Not so much. Though we had waited almost 10 years to order the purple jerseys, we had new black jerseys only 3 years later, and the guys have been teasing me about the purple jerseys ever since.

From time to time we’ve had to pull out the “purple jerseys,” for example, when our colors were too close to our opponents and we were the visiting team so we had to find an alternative. I always heard about it. All in fun, but I heard about it nonetheless.

This season we are once again getting new jerseys, white ones to take the place of the “purple ones,” which as you can tell from the picture are primarily white. I have to admit I was a little sad about this. As I said, I really like the purple jersey and over time I’ve come to enjoy the banter that goes along with pulling them out every so often. Still, it does seem like it’s time to put them away. But do we really have to just discard them?

It turns out, we don’t. The send off will be a little nicer. The retirement of the purple jersey will have a very important purpose after all.

As you can surmise from the tweet Daron Richardson is the daughter of Luke Richardson former Columbus Blue Jacket Captain. So with tomorrow being my team’s night to play hockey, I sent the fellas the link to the website along with this message:

“We're all hockey players. A lot of us have kids. This affects kids and families and, well a lot of things and folks in so many ways. Let's wear the purple jerseys, (as many as we have) on Tuesday one last time for Luke Richardson and his daughter Daron...Maybe we can take a picture and then retire the darn things and I'll feel like maybe they were worth it after all, and you can all stop busting my chops about 'em.”

Of course, because they really are a great group of guys The Brian’s Bail Bonds Family was immediately on board with the idea. So, tomorrow night at 9:30 at the Chiller North we’ll take to the ice one last time donning the purple jerseys. We’d love it if you could join us, but if you can’t or you don’t think you can bear to watch C League Hockey we all would completely understand. We’re just happy our wives and families come and watch us... sometimes. :-)

Please take some time tomorrow and remember Daron and her family, give your child, teenager, or significant other a hug and share a good and positive thought for the many families and young people affected by mental illness.

Thanks!

Because

Yesterday Netter and I joined some friends to help them celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. It was quite an occasion with many friends and relatives joining in, poems and songs, stories and even a prayer or two. If I’m lucky, we will get to celebrate 50 years one day too. (Netter and I have been married for 20 years last June.)

Now when I say some friends I should mention that these were really Netter’s friends which is why I’m telling this story. Netter grew up with these folks and their kids. The fact is I had only met one or two members of the family and then only in passing.

On the way home Netter and I had this conversation.

Netter: Thank you for coming today.
Me: Why are you thanking me? Why wouldn’t I have come?
Netter: Well, I know you didn’t know these folks. You said you have a lot you wanted to do today while you were off. I just want to thank you for taking the time.
Me: Honey, something that is being lost, well really within our generation is “doing the right thing.” Yes, I don’t know these folks. Yes, I have a lot I’d like to work on, but here’s the thing... This was important to you. I could tell how excited you were to see these folks and help them celebrate. I could tell how much they mean to you by listening to you tell stories from your childhood and beyond. I could even tell how important it was to you that I dress up a little bit, but thanks for letting me wear shorts. Anyway, if it’s that important to you, then it’s that important to me. It’s just the right thing to do.

Now, I’m not patting myself on the back for all this. I didn’t really do this on purpose so to speak. The truth is I don’t know what I would have done if Netter had said ahead of time that I could stay home. I do have a lot to do. I’ve got a list a mile long and a goal I’d like to reach for managing my time better. I’m quickly losing patience with myself at that goal gets delayed.

But that didn’t matter yesterday.

I think I did the right thing. I wish more folks would do the right thing more often. I fear that’s getting lost and I’m not sure we will get it back.

What do  you think?

Push Yourself

This is the last of 3 videos I shot while were at Camp Akita earlier this month. (I promise) I have to confess that I really didn't know how, or in what context I would use this until Sunday night. Even I sometimes think I'm beating a dead horse with my wheel spinning. (How 'bout that for two cliches in one sentence?)

Looking at my schedule for this week I discovered that I have no deadlines. As we've discussed previously, I need deadlines to get work done. But, I do still have that to-do list and I don't want to just waste a whole week, (plenty of stuff due next week). So - as the popular commercial slogan goes. It's time to just do it. I need to push myself. I need to be the turtle.  This will work. Right?

Eh, if nothing else it is really pretty scenery.



If you can't see the video click here.

The truth is for the most part this has been working for me this week. Just have to keep it going. Keep on keeping on as they say...

Growing Old. Together?

You think we're fighting, and I think we're finally talking.

Cuba Gooding Jr. as Rod Tidwell in Jerry McGuire.

During the Thanksgiving holiday weekend I ran into a childhood friend's mom, and she remarked that she could not believe a couple we all knew that had only been married for a short time was now divorced.

I told her that I was surprised too, but that I'd come to the conclusion that it was just another phase of life for our generation.

First - we all got married. Well, I got married a little sooner than most, but my peer group wasn't far behind.

Second - we all had children. Again, Netter and I were a little ahead of the curve here. Our oldest is 17.

Finally - some of us were getting divorced.

Sometimes relationships just don't work. People change. Expectations change. Priorities change. Goals change. Growing older is a never-ending process with innumerable possibilities.

In the end the variables sometimes take over, and couples come to a crossroads of sorts.

"Whew," I thought as we finished the conversation, "thank goodness that isn't happening to me."

Now the first of December was covered with snow...

Sweet Baby James by James Taylor

Okay, maybe not literally covered with snow, I honestly don't remember. Still the climate at my house in December was, well let's just say; different.

Did you notice how in the first and second points above I talked about where Netter and I were on the curve, but in the third point I didn't?

This is the third point.

As I said above, Netter and I were the first in our peer group to get married. In fact, I think only Netter's sister got married before she did. We were the first to have children. We were the first to have teenagers, etc... and so on.

So naturally, we would be among the first to come to the crossroads. Right?

No. It took a little longer. Honestly though, I'm glad we got there.

Ours has always been a relationship that everybody admired. That special couple who were just right for each other. I've always been proud of that, but I've also always wondered aloud why our relationship was different.

I married my best friend. Doesn't everybody do that?

Frankly I never understood those couples who pined for time away from their spouses, boy's night out, girl's night out, strippers, Chippendales and the like.

Why not couples night out? What's wrong with that?

Well, there are reasons to get away, and then there are REASONS to get away...

I'm still not sure I can speculate, but I do know I now understand at least some of that point of view.

People, even married people, are different. They have reasons to want to be independent, to do things alone, to try things maybe their spouse doesn't want to try. Every moment of every marriage doesn't have to be a fairy tale.

(Insert your own corny fairy tale cliche here.)

Every marriage does however, need to be a relationship and there has to be communication, even when that communication is uncomfortable.

So at my house, in December from a number of impromptu prompts, we spent the larger part of the month keeping in mind that we were trying to solve a problem, and not trying to win a fight.

If you're trying to win a fight you will, or may find yourself, divorced.

As a sidenote - that's not always a bad thing. Sometimes, people aren't meant to be together forever. Sometimes there are even mitigating circumstances. I know my Catholic upbringing doesn't agree with that, but it's a fact of life. Sometimes to be happy, we can't be together forever. That's okay.

Still, I'm grateful that because Netter and I took the time to tune into and listen to, to focus on each other, our marriage is now stronger than ever, and we have a much better idea of how to get to happily ever after.

I hope you all find happily ever after too.

What Do You Want To Do?

Every year Netter asks me this question as my birthday approaches, and every year I have absolutely no idea how to answer.

While I think birthdays are special and people should take one day to celebrate themselves, I think we can all agree that as the years advance the thrill wears off. The magic of the birthday subsides.

While 13 makes one a teenager, 16 means you can drive, 18 brings adulthood and 21 means you can consume alcohol (responsibly of course), and then 30 or 40 mark milestones of sorts, what really is the difference between 40 and 41? Right?

Still there was the question last Thursday night. We had a 3-day weekend with a few commitments to work around, my birthday was on Monday - "What did I want to do?"

So, I tried to come up with something... "Let's go down to the Short North," I said. "We've been meaning to go walk around and discover a little bit. Let's do something different, go to lunch, and then just explore."

This was the plan for Friday -

And then it rained.

So, I punted. Let's go to lunch at that TGIFriday's in the mall where they have the California Club I like so much, I'll get my glasses adjusted, we'll walk around, it will be different. Shopping at the mall is different. We're usually shopping at Walmart. We walked around Easton last year, let's walk around Tuttle today.

Friday's was closed with facilities issues. Undeterred we headed for another restaurant in the mall, had a nice lunch, and continued on our way.

Malls are quite different than what I remember from my younger days. For example, what exactly is this guy selling? Seriously, I didn't even have to go into the store (I won't say which one.) to see this. It screamed at me as I walked by.

To be fair, this isn't a phenomenon unique to malls I guess. We did see this gem among others when we visited Walmart last week. Apparently Halloween costumes are now required to bare as much skin as possible, at least for the ladies. We saw a similar costume for Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, sexy witches, you name it. This one of Cinderella made me remember a quote from the movie Pretty Woman. Unfortunately, I cannot find a good clip, and while I can find the text at IMDB quotes to paste it here, it just looks awkward. It was toward the end of the movie and came from Kit.

But I digress.

Shopping these days is different, and this is how I want things in my life to be right now - different.

Nonetheless, on Saturday, we took a break from different and did the same thing we do almost every Saturday during the fall. We watched college football with our friends in the "nayvorhood," (another post, another day). We love driving to the hood and hanging out. That will never change.

Sunday we returned to "different" and finally made the trip to the Short North. First, we attended "How I Became a Pirate," (K is a member of the stage crew), at The Columbus Children's Theatre. We followed that with a trip to the North Market, and a walking tour of the rest of the Short North, as well as parts of Columbus' downtown and Arena District.

That's right - we walked. We walked a lot. My feet were tingling when we were finished that's how much we walked.

For many, many reasons, I loved every minute of it. I love downtowns. I love eclectic. I love seeing things we don't ordinarily see, and I love discovering things for the very first time.

I've driven up and down High Street in Columbus hundreds of times in the 26 years I've lived in the area. Never once, had I seen this. Right there, on the side of the road, through the guardrail.

Who knows where it leads?

When I stopped to take this picture, Netter and I started talking about the railways in Columbus. She told me about the train station, that used to be here and which tracks went where. She reminded me that an arch from the train station is on display in a park near Nationwide Arena.

I've always wanted to ride on a train. A real train, not that goofy thing at Kings' Island or Cedar Point. I know that passenger trains have mostly gone the way of the Dodo, but a fella can dream can't he? I want to take new journeys and blaze new trails.

I know there's a way. I just have to find it. That's what I really want to do.

Thank You Very Much

I've taken some time away from the blog lately, putting some ducks in a row, working on some plans for changes I hope to be making. It's just time for some things. I'm sure many would understand.

I hope to be in this space a little more regularly from this point, in part because I am looking forward to talking about some of those changes as they happen. This is where we break things down after all.

But, well, today is my birthday. Netter and I are headed out for the evening to take some time to pause and just be as it were.

One thing that has been incredibly overwhelming today is the number of well wishes I have received - text messages, phone calls, Twitter, Facebook. My Blackberry battery is almost drained and as I think about it - well, I am one lucky man to have so many wonderful friends and family.

I am working on finding a way to personally thank each and everyone of you, but in the interim - so Netter doesn't have to wait to go out with her husband...

I am going to borrow this from Kailey and the All Ohio State Fair Youth Choir.

Thank you very much!

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

When I met my wife, she had this really cool car, an Acura Integra LS. Flip up headlights, sunroof. The whole nine yards.

I had a beat up Chevy Nova that we actually sold before she even got to ride in it.



For years we only had one car. It was okay. We worked at the same place and did most everything together. Occasionally we would borrow a friend's vehicle if we really needed to go somewhere without the other. When Netter went to work at another library location I had friends drive me home from work when necessary.

After we had the twins we decided we needed a second car, a bigger car, a family car, but I did not want a minivan. No Way. No How. No minivan.

It was the first of a number of changes we would make in our life after the loss of Meghan Joy. We weren't waiting for anything anymore (another post for another day). Much to my surprise, my wife told me she wanted an SUV, and not just any SUV, but a sporty SUV to boot.

I thought that was sexy! (and certainly not a minivan) So the shopping started...

After a few weeks of looking at new and used SUVs of every type and model we determined that we wanted to buy the new Honda Passport. That was almost 15 years ago.

This week we're saying goodbye to our old friend, that treasured vehicle. Netter long ago dubbed this incredibly reliable car Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. In 1995, I told the dealer I wasn't interested in a lease because we were going to drive that car until the wheels came off, and it fell down around us. We almost made it that far.Final mileage was 234,790.

In February, after determining that the cost of repair for belts and hoses was a good chunk of change towards a newer replacement vehicle we had been considering purchasing, we parked the Passport in front of the house until further review. K was almost 16, she would be driving soon, a repaired Passport might be a good option for her.

We purchased the newer vehicle - a minivan, go figure...

K just finally got her temps a few weeks ago and we have decided to go another route with the Passport. The tags are going to expire on Saturday. It seems silly to continue to pay for registration and insurance for a vehicle that likely won't be used until at least March 2010. It's time to say goodbye.

We posted the car on Craig'sList on Monday. I'm pretty sure it will be sold within the next few days.

When I think about all of the things we have done and the places that car has taken us, I can't help but smile. She was my first, (and only) new vehicle - ever.

The summer of 1995 saw us take the first of two trips to North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. A trip with great friends, time on the beach, four grand golf courses. It was so, so much fun.

In 1996 we used the Passport to move into our new home, (more of that not waiting stuff) and 5 days later welcomed our baby D into the world. Of course the Passport brought her home from the hospital. Mommy got to bring her baby home with her this time. Monitors be damned.

We used the Passport to haul all the material to finish our basement in 2000 when Netter started doing home daycare. That same year a friend drove the Passport to Pittsburgh to buy the first bed he would share with his wife. We were in their wedding the very next summer.

Of course with my family in Michigan, and my roots in the D(etroit) we also made several trips to Michigan. We made the last of two journeys to Tiger Stadium for the 3rd to last game to be played at that historic venue, in September 1999. We saw the Lions play in 2002, the first year that Ford Field was open. Yes, they lost.

Earlier in 2002 we made our last journey to North Myrtle Beach. Different friends, more great times, lots of seafood (crab for me every day in fact), more beautiful golf courses. Throw in some Bloody Mary's and too many good stories to share in one space and the trip was just as awesome as our first.

Our first trip to Greenville, South Carolina to visit my fave cousin Butch, and all the Brochowski family for Thanksgiving in 2003, (I think) might have been the last of the long trips we would take in our Chitty Chitty Bang Bang car. I remember my Dad telling me the steel belts were showing on my tires and that it was time to replace them, and my cousin Christy's husband Yousef marveling at the 148,000 miles on the odometer at the time.

Of course, not all of our trips were joyous, but the memories will live on. Our trusted friend took us to say goodbye to my Babcia, and to my Uncle Jerry - probably the man I admire most in the whole world. I have the greatest golf story ever from the trip for Uncle Jerry's funeral. I'll spare you the details and just share that teaching Yousef how to say Titleist - was one of the funniest things ever.

Happy or sad, good times or bad, great stories, good friends, great times - the Passport just kept going.

Goodbye old friend.

Age Is Just a Number - Right?

They say that age is just a number, but I'm having serious doubts today.

I like to say I'm forever a teenager... Today I feel about 160.

Let me share the story. You know there has to be a story.

For some 40-odd years I have been trying to successfully do a front flip off the diving board, and for some 40-odd years I have failed to get past "maybe" landing on my knees and usually on my back.

I almost made it when I was in South Carolina earlier last month visiting my cousin. Look how close I came...




Yeah, no it wasn't even close.

As I said, the best I could do was land on my knees - sorta.

I could never seem to get all the way around. A silly thing I know, but something I've just always wanted to be able to do. You gotta have goals right?

So, I have continued to try and try again...

No matter the pool, no matter the season, if I had the opportunity to try to do a flip I usually would at least give it a try.

When I was in South Carolina it began to dawn on me after all these years that I needed a board with a lot more spring than is ordinarily found at public pools. After all, I was making it around to my knees there, and there had to be a reason (i.e. their board had more spring than usual), so that had to be it. (Hey, what can I say, I've never claimed to be the sharpest tack on the bulletin board.)

Fast forward to last Sunday - we were swimming with some friends from the "nayvorhood," (aka friends who live in the same neighborhood in Powell), and there was a diving board.

It didn't look to have much spring from across the pool, but I knew I would have to check it out at some point - you know, just a dive to see for sure.

"Do your flip. Jim will do a flip."

Netter caught me looking at the board. She knew exactly what I was thinking.

"Nah. I don't need to do that," I said laughing. "I'm gettin' too old for that kinda stuff."

Yeah right Jim.

The board stared at me all day, beckoning. After some time had passed and most of our friends had left I ventured down to you know just take a dive. Bravely I approached the board. One, two steps and...

WOOOOAAAHHH...!!!!!!!

Not only did this thing have spring, I had missed the center point and was now hurtling head first towards the right side of the pool. I quickly corrected, and tucked the dive in just as I felt my feet flipping over my head, thankfully as I was entering the water.

No spring my eye...

Still, I did not immediately attempt the flip. Truthfully, I kinda freaked out a little bit inside. It had been a long time since I felt out of control in the water. I wasn't sure what to make of it.

After a while though I ventured forth. After all, while a tad frightening, the spring in this board held great promise and I did have this lifelong goal to consider.

Carefully, I again mounted the ladder and positioned myself in the center of the board.

One, two...

Tuck... now turning and...

Holy Crap! I made it. I actually made it arou... SPLAT!!!!

I did make it around. I made it so far around that I started turning again - until my head and my right shoulder slammed into the water. (Apparently I always jump a little to the right.)

Slowly I swam to the ladder and got out of the pool. Netter was waiting for me, and even though it was ugly, it was a success. I wanted to know if she saw it.

"A lot springier than you thought huh?!" She said.

"That is hard water!" I exclaimed

We laughed and laughed. One of my friends was watching the dive. He laughed too. I shared the tale with my friends who had left when we met them later for dinner. We all thought it was just hilarious.

Two days later - Man I feel old. My face is okay. My shoulder... Well, I'm having a hard time reaching for my coffee cup, or raising my arm to get things out of the cupboard. I know what a shoulder separation feels like, and folks I think we've got money in the bank. I'm feeling pretty beat up indeed.

But - I accomplished that goal - and it was worth it, worth every ache, worth every one of my "160 years old." Shoulders heal after all.

Now, I just need to work on that landing.

Do you have a lifelong goal?

Tell me your story.

Y'all Ready for This?

Laaaadddddddddiiieeeessssssss and Gentttlleeemen - Please welcome - from COH-LUM-BUS, OH-HI-OH - He stands 5 feet 7 inches tall and weighs in at TWO HUNDRED AND TWO POUNDS

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! Aahhhhhhhhh! He what? No really? Put the needle back on that record man! OH MY!

OOOOOOOHHHHH MY GOODNESS!

Yes, it is true - Getting ready to go out to dinner with my lovely wife and some good friends from the "nayvorhood" this weekend I ventured onto the scale.

I don't know why I did it. I don't know what possessed me to look down at the numbers.

I was not happy with what I saw.

Now, I have never worried about weight, on myself or someone else. If I'm fat I don't want to think about it. If someone else is fat, it's not my deal to worry about.

In a house full of women, we don't talk about weight anyway, and I think that's terrific.

People are people. Tall, short, thin, fat - doesn't matter. To me it's okay if the stand-up comedian talks about weight, but we don't need to.

To me, it just never mattered. I saw a little boy in my second grade class break down in tears when they announced his weight at 101 pounds and all the kids laughed. Ever since, I try not to make it an issue.

My grandmother was 4'11'' and by all accounts pushed hard toward 300 pounds - I never cared. I use those numbers now to describe her when I tell stories, but they're just that - only descriptive terms about a woman I miss dearly and love with all my heart and soul. She was tough, but we were tough together. (Miss you Babcia.)

I even banned the topic of weight at my house for awhile. Just ask my Mom.

Still - 202 pounds on a 5'7" frame? Holy Heck! That just isn't healthy.

I'm supposed to go to the doctor next week for a checkup and to get some paper work filled out. I'm guessing this isn't going to go over very big. (Hee Hee)

Could you step on the scale Mr. Brochowski?

Do I have to?

Okay, so where to go from here? I don't think my diet is all that bad. I do have a tendency to eat late at night. Guess I'll have to cut that out. K & D will be happy - the (refrigerator) rat lives no more.

Hmmm... what else. Exercise much Jimmer?

Um, outside of an occasional hockey game - No, not much lately. I will have to change that. Mulligan will be happy about that. It means more walks for him. Maybe I'll try that Couch to 5K Running Plan I've heard so much about. That will be a good start.

The thing is, I don't want to do anything that makes me miserable, that I might dread. We only get to do this thing called living once, so I'm determined to find a way to get healthier without driving myself bonkers in the process.

(To those of you who just said I'm already bonkers - Yeah, I know.) It's a good word though isn't it?

I'm willing to make sacrifices - I tried Coke Zero. But I'm not gonna get crazy - MGD 64 is not in my future.

I don't eat breakfast, but I can probably lose a cup of coffee. (How fattening is cream and sugar?)

I figure two squares a day and some exercise should send me on my way to a healthier me?

Will that be enough?

Far too many spend way too much time, and too much energy on this topic in my opinion.

But today - I have to admit it is weighing heavily on my mind as well.

I want to stay in the game after all...

Friday Feature 3 Just Be Yourself

(I think maybe Friday Features might need a new name, mostly because they don't fall on Fridays. I haven't thought of another name yet though. If you have an idea leave me a comment. There is a prize for the winner.)

For today's Friday Feature I want to talk about something very important - being yourself.

As in, "just be yourself and you'll be fine," or "I love you for you," and so on.

It seems lately I've been talking a lot about my Inner Gay, aka my I.G.

A lot of women love me for it, and many men respect me for it. Yes, I've heard some good natured teasing, and I've done some of my own to fellas who seemed a little uncomfortable that something like this could exist.

The best part of the whole thing is that it allowed people to see me for me, and not whoever I was trying to be, fitting in during whatever social situation happened to be occurring.

I spent a long time doing that. When I was hanging with the guys, the fellas, I'd be "one of the fellas." If I was with folks who were intellectuals, I'd be, you know intellectual (Hey, hey - You with the big monitor, stop laughing!). If I was with the jocks, I'd be, well, athletic. (I said stop laughing.) And so on...

You get the picture... I could just fit in.

Now I was never "being someone else," per se. I just wasn't necessarily "being completely me." A lie? No. Maybe an omission.

I went along like this for a long time. The only place I was really "me" was in my home.

It's not like "fitting in" made for some miserable existence. I made a great many friends. We had some incredibly fun times.

One day, I just decided it was time to stop. I am who I am. I do what I do. If you don't like me - well I'd like to say I'm sorry, but really, no apology is necessary. We don't "have to" be friends. Of course, we don't "have to" be enemies either. This goes without saying.

Differences are not bad things. In fact, I think in a lot of ways differences are what makes life interesting.

It all goes back to True Intent. Ultimately, my True Intent is to be the best me I can be.

So yeah, I like chick flicks, figure skating, gymnastics, a slew of stereotypical gay musicians, Project Runway - the list goes on and on. I even think Christian Siriano is fierce - for real. Yes, I said it. (No, I'm not attracted to him. I just think he is fascinating.)

I also love, and in fact play, hockey, and I like to try to throw my weight around on the ice. I watch NASCAR, football, baseball, and golf. I drink beer, play cards, do all the appropriate scratching and such and act very Dad-like whenever I'm given the opportunity. I like to grill. I'm intrigued by auto repair. I like to do construction type work around the house.

So there's a little bit of everything - and that is me.

As you might infer, I'm also not very guarded. For me this is the best way to be. If I live my life as an open book, I am responsible for everything I write, everything I say, and everything I do.

Now of course I could get preachy here and go on for pages about why people aren't themselves, or why they put up fronts and pretend to be something more or less than they actually are, but I'm not going to do that.

Instead I'm going to ask everyone to do something very simple, very easy.

You ready?

Go over to your mirror. Look yourself straight in the eye and say - "I like me."

If you can do that, you're being the best you, you can be.

And you should be proud.

And if you can't - ask yourself if you're really being "you."

The answer really is that simple.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

This time honored question keeps popping into my head today. Yes another thing stuck in my head. Only this time it's not a fun lyric or word. It's not even a movie line which seems to be this week's newest thing. (Good thing there's plenty of room in my head I guess.)

No, this thing, this question is different. We've all heard this question. We've all asked this question.

I am wondering how many of us have answered this question.

I know that we are all something. We have occupations, families, activities, etc... So, in taking the question a step further - I guess I'm wondering if we all are "what we want to be?"

I know there are a few fortunate souls in this world who knew from the jump what they wanted to be, what they wanted to do, and they are blazin' down the trail of success.

Others may not have known when they were younger but discovered something in themselves as they grew older and seized the very first opportunity to make life happen as it were.

Still others were guided along, shown all the things they "should" be doing as they grew up, and maybe are now what they want to be. Perhaps this is some version of happenstance, (Blog word of the week?) or just plain dumb luck.

They say that luck isn't everything, that some skill is required and I believe that, but still I wonder...

As you may have guessed, I'm not one of those mentioned above - I never really knew what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I always had an answer to the question of course. I was going to be a professional hockey player, or play pro ball, maybe even spend some time on the PBA Tour, all the while running some fantastically successful business like a hotel or maybe a chain of hotels.

When I got older I wanted to be an actor, then a comedian, maybe a writer - you know much more realistic goals like that. Sigh!

Before I go further - I want to address all you head shakers. You know who you are. You're the ones thinking, or maybe even saying out loud: "But Jim you've accomplished so much. You have blah, blah, blah..."

Shhh... That's not what I'm talking about today

Yes, I've spent the last 18 years being a husband, the last 15 being a Daddy, the last 8 or more being a coach, and the last 12 being a hockey player, but not a professional hockey player - that's cruel.

Still it's very true that these are all things I want to be. I've had great success, and been fortunate in these areas and I hope to continue to enjoy these very important areas of my life.

These aren't the things I'm talking about today. To clarify further, I'm talking about jobs and careers.

I started working for the library when I was 17 years old. It was a clean building. I loved reading. The work albeit a bit tedious was not really that difficult. It was not Jolly Pirate Donuts where I had been a porter for 1 1/2 years prior. I figured the library was a great starting point for a kid in high school. Perhaps most importantly I found and got the job all by myself. It was the first truly independent thing I had ever done.

I love the library and all that it is, all that it stands for. I love the people I work with and I feel especially fortunate we have had the opportunity recently to reach out and really get to know each other more and more.

As I've written before, I consider that connection to be a huge success for the CML community.

Going forward however - I'm trying to figure out what that success means for me.

I wrote to my Dad some years ago that with no degree or formal training I had somehow managed to make a career for myself at a place where I was mostly happy and decidedly, perhaps even too content.

I still didn't figure the library might be the only place I would ever work.

The truth is I wasn't what I wanted to be then.

From a career perspective - without knowing it really I had no goals, no dreams, no visions beyond the day to day. I had no plan. (You see K and D why I talk about having a plan?)

Some of that came from being happy being a husband, Daddy, coach, hockey player, but not a professional hockey player - that's cruel. Some of it came from not really knowing how - being afraid as it were to venture away from the safety and security of the library.

Now?

Now I don't want to leave, but not because I'm afraid.

I want to stay because I have found something that is telling me who I am, who - no what I want to be.

I started work on a program this week to create a Job Help Class for the library to offer customers in these rough economic times.

I cannot tell you how ironic this is as I have already been hard at work on my own resume, online job profiles, and career prospects.

If you follow this blog with any regularity you know that I love to train, to teach, and to coach. You know how much I have come to admire the rock stars of the Web 2.0 world, and even how I might want their jobs one day.

I have been busy thinking of ways to stay at the library, but increase my involvement in social media and marketing, to reach out, help people, and share my experience for others to learn from. I have been searching for a focus for my life, my career, heck even for my blog.

I think being fortunate enough to help in the creation and delivery of this Job Help Class provides me with that focus, a starting point for helping me be what I want to be when I grow up.

In taking inventory I find that I have almost 11 years experience teaching folks to build their resumes. For better or worse I also have 8 years experience poking around the job markets, learning all the sites, the ins, and the outs.

Pretty much every other week for the last year I have been teaching a resume class, and as my boss will tell you, I've been looking for a way to make my class so much more effective.

I have at least 8 years of experience as a coach, and let's not forget 15 years as a parent.

In this year of reflection I have come to find that what I enjoy most is sharing what I have learned with anyone who will listen.

I suggested to a friend today that maybe throwing all of this together might make me a good "life coach."

He said that "would be a good fit." I trust his opinion. He knows me well. What that's called formally, or how it will look in the future is open to interpretation. That's okay with Jim in Perpetual Beta.

I'm sure my daughters, and my players will tell you that my favorite saying in all the land goes like this.

"This ain't my first rodeo dog."

So now, I have a plan, and at least starting out I am lucky enough to stay at the library, as I begin.

Do you think somewhere there is someone, someone who knows me really well, or a mentor, or maybe even someone who has had a great influence on my life smiling and thinking to themselves.

"Hey Jimmer. This ain't my first rodeo dog."

One month - Today - I am just thankful

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I am thankful to be able to share a story about a wonderful day I got to spend with my family, a day I am very thankful for - exactly one month ago today in fact.

I thought a lot about whether I wanted to talk about this one month, what I might say, what I might reflect on. I have been 40 years old for one month today. Would I say or do anything at all?

Well, I've never been good at keeping my mouth shut and I do like to share, so:

To begin, I have the most amazing friends. Upwards of 30 or more showed up at my mini-shindig, celebration at Buffalo Wild Wings the Friday before my birthday, and that many more shared their good wishes with me during the week(s) that followed. It was an incredibly euphoric high that I'm not sure I've yet gotten over. Thank you to again to everybody.

Of course I also have a wonderful family, and we shared a great day on my birthday. Let me tell you about it.

We decided to go to Easton to hang out, do a little window shopping, walk around and use the gift certificate we had for The Cheesecake Factory for my birthday dinner. I don't generally do the "mall scene" anymore as I prefer the reasonable prices of Wal*Mart and The Thrift Store for my shopping needs.

Being a total geek, the first store we headed for at Easton was a no-brainer if ever there was one. The Apple Store called to me, and I spent a 1/2 hour or so wandering around the store checking out the latest and greatest in Macintosh technology.

Despite the fact that the only Mac I still own is about 10 years old, I am still a huge fan. Netter of course knows this, so she spent some time convincing me to buy the iPod she saw me look at more than once - Okay I plugged it in and listened to almost two full songs before leaving to "think about it."

I also stopped into Aeropostale, you know just to look around.

Kailey shopped for jeans.

I bought a sweatshirt with Delaney's approval.

I embarrassed both girls by going into Pink to see what all the fuss was about. Yeah, I get it.

No, not my child.

Then we went to a store called Whetseal, or Wet Seal aka Who the heck thought it was a good idea to sell these kinds of clothes to teenage girls?

Do people really wear these shoes?

Oh, and I propose a new law - teenage girls should wear flats, long skirts, and let's not forget good old fashioned "Granny Panties."

Doesn't a thong create a wedgie by definition? Aren't wedgies supposed to be bad? Who can explain to me why teenage girls have this infatuation with having wedgies?

Whew!

We stopped into a few other stores, grabbed a coffee at Cup O' Joe's, snapped some pictures of this train for my friend Steve then visited Barnes and Noble, the biggest book store I've ever seen.

We finally made it to Cheesecake Factory absolutely exhausted and famished.

We ate as much as we could, and took home more than one doggie bag.

We finished up with a ride home rockin' out to my fav album. It was a great day!

What a lucky guy I am!

Most of you know I did finally buy the iPod, a red Nano. After so many years of listening to talk radio I was amazed at the emotion I felt as each song played in my ears. So many vivid memories, another part of myself I had lost. Who knew?!?

It certainly has been a year of discovery. That's for sure.

Where to next?

I have to admit I don't know. The uncertain economy has all of us a little on edge, some more than others. I know I am looking at our Christmas budget, and 2009 numbers and probably inciting a little bit of panic at my house.

Sorry ladies, it's just how Daddy gets sometimes.

Still, as I've written before there is so much I still feel I'm gonna, or at least wanna do, so many places I wanna go, so many things I know my family would like, things I would like for my family. (No, I'm not just talking about stuff or things.)

I hope that my family knows this, but I have to admit to the reader that I put it in print today so that all of my ladies are sure to know I am aware.

Sometimes, as I'm sure many do, I just feel strapped in by the financial day to day.

Here's hoping that while today, tomorrow, and every day we all take the time to be thankful for that which we have, we might continue to be able to move forward, and enjoy what the future may hold.