The List, The Plan, My Life... Retirement? I don't know what you call it.

The reality is that it was right there in front of me. Right there, organized, ready to be tackled the entire time. I just didn't see it. 

Know who helped me...? 

Have you been paying attention? 

Of course it was my wife. Let me say that again. Of course It.Was.My.Wife.

Love that Woman!

How do we survive without these women in our lives? I don't even want to contemplate that beyond the words on the page. 

Anyway... as they say...

It was right there in front of me. When I retired 6 years ago (Yes, that says 6. I can't believe it either.) I had already started making a list of things I was going to work on for the first month or so before I headed back to work at some job, somewhere, somehow...

And then I didn't head back to work.

Our life and financial situation were such that I didn't really need to work after all. I mean I'm still never saying never, but so far - we're good. We were good then. We're good now. 

Beautiful.

But I still had that list, and I added to it and without even trying scratched some things off - just living life... 

... and then I ran into some health issues starting in 2018, and again in 2019, and then we all ran into health issues in 2020.

On the other side of all of that - hopefully, maybe... But

 - I now find myself stuck. S.T.U.C.K. STUCK!

So, being the organized soul that I am, and many will say I am overly organized oddly enough... I decided to make a list, to find a better way, to get started... to finally find a way to be retired.

In doing that - I rediscovered that list. So, over the last week or so - I know it was longer than I'd promised, but you know - life... I reviewed the list, and updated the list, and began trying to find a way to do something with the list that moves me forward. 

No, not just moves me forward, but also helps me become unstuck. 

I've got a pretty solid routine of things I do every day, ways I live my life, things I do without even thinking... The routine of the retiree so to speak. 

But why does it have to be the same tomorrow? 

It doesn't. I know that. I'm working on it. I'll get there. I am now keenly aware that I was stuck. 

Was. 

Not anymore.

It's time to look forward - 

To tomorrow. 

What's next on the list?

Have a good weekend!

Having a Plan...

While I want to write more, I don't want to just share random thoughts everyday. That's boring, or it could be - at least it seems like it to me. 

So, here's what I'm going to do. 

This weekend, and to be honest probably into next week - I'm going to take some time to do some planning, to decide where I want to go and how I want to get there. 

The tomorrows are piling up after all

- and I'd like to make them count. 

See you sometime next week. 

Life Changes?

 Today's phrase seems to be "life changing"

As many know, I watch at least some portion of The Price is Right pretty much every week day. Today, a young lady spun a dollar on the wheel and won $1,000- happens all the time. Then, with her bonus spin, she spun another dollar and won an additional $25,000 - happens more often than you'd think, but definitely not "all the time." 

"Well, that's life changing," I remarked, and Netter agreed.

A little while later I was reading through some sports sites and ran across an article about a hockey player who was living his best life finding a career with the Los Angeles Kings of the National Hockey League. He had been paralyzed playing hockey in high school and the article discussed his life since, and the "life changing" circumstances of what had happened to him. A different, not so positive, type of life change though honestly he is doing a helluva job. 

Yeah, I'm catching my breath too...

So, I got to thinking - you saw the smoke, (I'll try not to use that joke too often) about life changing events, good, bad, realized, unrealized... and of course, I thought about the new year. 

We all want change for the new year... Right? 

I have to admit I'm a bit stuck on this one... New Year's eve very often finds me in deep thought and New Year's day I am in deep reflection -

Not so much this year though...

I dunno... I guess I know what I'll be talking about for the rest of the week. 

What's your new year take?

You Drink Like You Did 60 Pounds Ago.

What the heck? I’m not proud. I’m not trying to hide anything. The public nature of this blog suggests that I’m comfortable sharing the good, and the not so good in my life. So, I’m sharing this one too.

One of the many side effects of losing weight that I hadn’t anticipated has been rearing an ugly head in my life. In short, well - I just can’t drink like I used to.

This isn’t to suggest that I drink or drank “a lot,” because quite honestly I think that varies by individual with several factors coming into play. I’ve seen small guys who could consume cases. I’ve seen large fellas who couldn’t drink a glass. I’ve known women who, as the saying goes, could drink anybody under the table. Nobody knows for sure what all of the variables are and how one might affect another.

But one variable that I haven’t been considering is my weight, and sadly in the last few months on more than one occasion I’ve had some embarrassing moments as I “drank like I did 60 pounds ago,” without realizing that that was what I was doing.

A friend said that to me on Friday, and honestly I couldn’t be more grateful.  

No, I’m not going to break it down into detailed stories. There haven’t been any trips to jail, or court, or anything like that. Fortunately, my wife and a great group of friends have looked out for me, and tolerated me, (my word, not theirs) listened to me, and given me good advice to go on.

Still the whole thing is both embarrassing and frightening.

A man has to do a better job of knowing his limitations, and knowing when enough is enough.

I'm Am Not Dead

J. “Hi Honey, How are you?”

A: “I’m fine.”

J: “What are you up to?”

A: “Not much in the 20 minutes since you left...”

So would go the conversation every Tuesday as I drove to my hockey game. I had to call my wife when I was about 10 minutes from the rink...

Because I was afraid I might die on the ice.

I know that sounds overly dramatic, but in looking back on why I always called then, but don’t often call now - I’m realizing that’s why I did it.

I’m 5’7” tall, and I weighed 210 pounds.

I couldn’t give up the game I love, but I also knew I was taking a chance, or at least I felt like it.

I was afraid I might die.

I tell this story now because I’m about to head into the one year anniversary of the weekend where I truly made the decision to lose the weight and make changes to my lifestyle and eating habits.

It’s March Madness Baby!

Every year for the past 10 years I’ve headed out to meet some friends at a local bar and grill for the first weekend of the NCAA College Basketball Tournament. Over the course of the weekend we sample all and any parts of the menu, we have some beverages, we put the outside world aside, and we live basketball for pretty much 72 hours. It’s tradition. I love my friends. I love the camaraderie. I love the good time. Last year, I learned to love the salad.

This year, I love March Madness because it marks a significant point in my life. A point where I had to admit to myself that I felt like crap... a lot, that it was time to take stock, to turn some things around-

to live.

I feel like I’m doing things the right way. It’s not some crazy diet. I didn’t change who I am.

I am not finished.

I am not dead.

We Are All Good at Something

Some of you have heard this one, but I need to share it again today.

I once took my brother in law for a ride in the only new car I've ever owned. (Long time ago)

"What kind of engine does this have in it?" he asked.

I quickly replied: "A black one."

"Really," he said "How do you know?"

"Well because I opened the hood and looked and it's black." "Oh wait," I stopped myself. "It's a V6."

Laughing he replied: "How do you know that?"

"Because there's a sticker on the side that says V6, and I know that has something to do with engines."

I often tell this story at the end of the basic computing classics I teach when my students are telling me they still don’t think they can do it, or they feel inadequate, or they’re still clearly afraid, for lack of a better word.

I stop them and I ask them if they have something that they are good at. Of course, they always reply yes, and I tell them that everybody has something they are good at, something they can do better than other folks, and the reason is because they need to / want to do that, and in this day and age, they will probably need to or want to do something, eventually, that will require a computer and then they will have buy in.

I then tell the story above finishing by sharing with them then that once I started paying for auto repair I had a reason to know more about engines. Save for replacing a battery and basic things like wiper blades and tail lights I never did learn to repair cars,  but I can tell the difference between when my alternator is going bad, and when my thermostat is stuck, and I know there’s no such thing as a “wobble shaft.” At least I think there’s no such thing as a wobble shaft. ;-)

In general, they get it, and they walk away smiling,  feeling good about being good at something which hopefully will give them confidence to go on and learn new things, and improve themselves.

We all are good at something. Say it with me. Say it out loud.

I think, and I’m seeing a lot lately everybody spending so much time focusing on what they need to do, and what they can’t do, or don’t think they are capable of doing... and I wonder why instead of focusing on the can’t, they don’t focus on the “how can I learn?” or “Who do I know that can teach me / help me?”

We were all put here together for a reason.

You know, it’s just a thought.

Have a good weekend!

Taking Care of My Kids

Mr. Wright,

I'm going to begin by asking that you not send me the "canned response," and you not refer to what happened with your school's football team and the Westland High School Band as a mix-up.

This was not a mix-up. This was a blatant disregard for the rules. You know it, and I know it.

I still cannot believe that with more than 3 minutes left during halftime the Liberty football team actually  came onto the field while the band was still performing and refused to leave...even after their coach was asked by both the Westland band staff and the athletic director. (photo credit to Julie Prater)

In fact your coaching staff essentially told our band directors as well as parents in the press box, who were counting raffle money, that they didn't care that they were breaking the rules.

Did they also not care that children's safety was in danger? Two band members were kicked. That's two too many.

One wonders what your reaction might have been if your football players had pushed the wrong tuba player to the brink? That's a pretty heavy instrument.

Do you comprehend where this could go wrong on so many levels?

I learned afterward that the Liberty football team has a reputation of doing this repeatedly. REPEATEDLY? even to your own band at times.

That is wrong! An immediate, and unequivocal apology should be issued by every coach, and every administrator in your building to every band it has shown this type of disrespect.

I have friends whose children attend Olentangy Liberty. Their kids are good kids. I am confident that the kids on the football team are probably good kids just doing what they were told.

I am not, however as confident in the goodness of your coaching staff, or frankly in you sir with the copied and pasted response referencing a "mix-up."I have seen you give to many, MANY concerned parents.

It's a sad day when the adults are the ones who need to learn the lesson.

Please do the right thing here and apologize, and have your coaching staff apologize with assurance that this will not happen in the future. Don't apologize to me. Apologize to the Westland Band, every single member and director.

It is my understanding that several media outlets have been copied on many of these emails. One can only hope that at the very least the threat of bad publicity will compel you to do what is right.

Sincerely,

Jim Brochowski
Westland Band Booster Treasurer

Be Happy Where You Are... But GO When You Need To...

Today I am returning for my 3rd week back to work since vacation. I cannot lie, at the end of last week I was tired. It had been a challenging week, long days, surprise assignments, stressful... and yet -

I still feel rejuvenated enough from my vacation that today, (admittedly after a long weekend) I am ready to jump back into the fray.

And?

Well I haven't told anybody, (except my wife) this, but I really thought about not going on that vacation. I thought I had so much "stuff" to do that I should stay home - do a little "staycation" and get some things done around the house instead.

Yes, that would have been colossally stupid.

To Netter's credit she let me decide on my own to go ahead and go on vacation. She reminded me as much when I thanked her as we walked down the beach. "I didn't say anything," she said. "I just told you I was going, and sort of let you figure it out on your own."

Ah... That wise wife of mine.

I hadn't been to the ocean in 10 years. It will not be 10 more. We hadn't taken a vacation of consequence in 3 years. It will not be 3 more. The time away means too much. The time with family is everything. The time experiencing different things and finding new day to days cannot be measured.

I've talked before here about over extending yourself, and needing a break. I needed that break this time whether I knew it or not.

I'm glad "I" figured it out.

Home from the Isle of Palms, and still Happy Where I am.

Resolved for Dummies

As I paddled backwards I watched Netter working on her reel and line and realized that for the first time, in pretty much ever, I was going to have to do this myself.

Patiently, I maneuvered the canoe so it angled just so. Quietly I put down my paddle and picked up my rod. A quick side arm flick of the wrist putting my line exactly where I knew he was...

Pow, the fish grabbed my artificial worm and started to swim.

Furiously I started to reel him in, then remembered that I needed to be more patient and not let him jump, or otherwise find a way to pull away from my line... and there he was.

As I put down my fishing pole and pulled the fish from the water I could see that he wasn’t all that special. Average size, not all that big, not even as big as two I had caught the day before actually, but there was a difference.

I didn’t wait for Netter to help paddle me into position, or wait for her to say: “Good cast Honey,” to know I had gotten it right. I had put all the lessons of our 19 previous trips to Akita, everything Ranger Annette, (as we only half jokingly call her) and her Dad had taught me, grabbed opportunity by the hand and I just caught it. I mean I just did it.

You know... like the Nike commercial.

Incredible satisfaction, the only one of my fish we took a picture of the whole weekend in fact.

Today, I am focusing on that as we mark the 18th anniversary of the passing of our daughter Meghan Joy.

I’m reflecting a lot on past and current successes and wondering why sometimes it takes me so long to learn.

Just do it Jim!

In February of last year I let loose my rant of a lifetime...

Because I wasn’t getting anything done.

For the remainder of 2011 I tried to “get stuff done.”

I had my three words and I tried to stick to those, but as 2012 approached I realized that I wasn’t going to accomplish everything I had set out to in 2011, and I needed to find more time, to get stuff done.

I’ve held off talking about it here because I didn’t want to have yet another - New Year’s or Lenten resolution, reflection, good gawd you’re making me gag with all this mushy, gushy life is too short, fulfill your dreams blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH... and so on...

But as I sit here today and think about Meghan Joy, the Foundation we have established in her memory, and the children we have helped because of her with our golf tournament and bowling outing, I can’t help but think about how important it is to actually DO things.

After I did that little time study last year I started doing things. Instead of finding systems, and books, and ways to get organized and accomplish more, and blah, blah, blah... I just started doing things.

This pile - where does it go? Move it!
That pile - what do I need to do with that? Do it!
That phone call. That letter. Make it. Send it.

Just do it.

It still becomes quite a process sometimes, and I admit that I still overthink things, and I am very guilty of finding tasks that “need to be done,” to replace tasks that “really need to be done.” (I call this cleaning the junk drawer, a theory derived from this article by one of my favorite writers.)

Still, I’ve been steadily pecking away at things, finding the most success with getting healthy - which I thought would actually be the most difficult of the 3 words I wanted to tackle. (Or maybe getting healthy is cleaning out my junk drawer.)

I've been working on it since March 12 because I was supposed to start working with a trainer that day, but hurt my knee. I had to rehab it anyway so I stuck to the diet part of the deal and started with work in the hot tub, then walking, skating, onto the elliptical, and a new obsession with biking. I just told the trainer I would probably not be back because I really enjoy the cardio work I’ve been doing, although I really do get a lot from being on his email list with the fitness information he shares. I must confess I don’t agree with all of it, but I am learning and also remembering a lot from when I worked out as a young person.  

I've done something every day since with a couple of exceptions. I took the first weekend of March Madness off to spend time with buddies doing what buddies do when they are watching basketball. Would not have been a pretty calorie count, although I did cut out the fried food, pizza, and such after day 1. I also sometimes cheat on Saturdays and depending what I'm doing that can get a little out of hand. I'm coming into this with an open mind trying to learn and make changes that will be long term. As of today I’m proud to report I’ve lost 15 pounds and I’m halfway to my goal.

In the meantime, aside from the health kick I’m just doing the work. It takes me away from the blog and some other mediums more than I’d like, but in the long haul I think it will make for more quality in all areas of my life.

I am resolved to make it so.

More Than We Can See?

“Look! There it is, off in the distance. Can you see it?”

It was Mount Rushmore. When I was 8, or was it 1978 which for some reason I always associate with being 8 even though I was 10...

Anyway - in 1978 my family went on a trip out west. I remember that we traveled to Salt Lake City, The Grand Canyon, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and finally arrived to visit relatives whose exactly locale, quite honestly I forget. (Somewhere in California?)

But -

Here’s what I remember.

We saw a lot, but we didn’t really do a lot, and the one example that really stands out -

is Mount Rushmore.

As I remember it we quite literally stopped by the side of the road, looked up, said “look there it is,” and went on our way. I don't really know why. That's just what we did.
 
For some reason I always thought that was all there was. It never even occurred to me that there might be a park, or a way to get closer until I watched The National Treasure: Book of Secrets.

Yes, that seems silly to me too.

In any case...

This story has come up more than once in conversation during the past few weeks. Today, it kind of stuck in my head. Of course, I started to ask myself why?

Here’s my theory....

There’s always more to the story. There’s always a different route. There’s always a different way. There’s always something not everybody knows.

Save for some extremes - No one way is right. No one path is absolute.

The world allows for differences.

It’s okay to question, but it’s not okay to judge.

… and now for some reason I have Paul Harvey stuck in my head: “And that’s the rest of the story.”

A Birthday Mystery

As I reflect today on 43 years on God’s green earth three stories keep rolling through my mind. I’m not sure exactly how they are connected, but I have a feeling they are, and I’m fairly certain I’m supposed to figure it out. Maybe you can help me?

(Note* The first two stories are things I don’t talk about very often, and many do not know. If you’re not looking for that much knowledge about me well, you’ve been warned.)

The first story - When I was 3 my Mom got divorced, and while I know there are different sides to every story and details I probably wasn’t aware of, the fact of the matter is that my biological father was largely absent from my life from that point forward. There were some visits. There was some contact, but what I remember most is that he would cancel visits often, show up very late, and sometimes not at all - and his new wife is one of 3 things I’ve had nightmares about in 43 years. She was just not a nice person. His stepsons were no walks in the park either.

So it’s understandable I think that after awhile I became detached, and eventually I just got pissed off and said I didn’t really give a damn, and I didn’t.

The last time I remember seeing Wayne, his name is Wayne - was the Christmas of what must have been 1978. I remember the year because it is part of the story. You see Wayne asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and with my “I don’t give a damn attitude,” I decided to go pie in the sky and ask for all the things I really wanted - top 3 on my list.

I wanted a rocket, a whole box of hockey cards, and a television set, and when I showed up for Christmas at my Grandmother’s (Wayne’s mother), I got exactly those 3 things and that was the last Christmas I spent any time with Wayne.

The rocket went back to his farm where we were “going to” set it off together. The hockey cards were combined with the rest of my card collections, played with and eventually sold when I was 19 or so because I was short on cash.

I still have the television. It still has the sticker that says 1978. It hasn’t been turned on in years. Even with a cable adapter it’s probably not even usable with all the new digital cable and such, but I cannot seem to let it go. I once put in on the truck at the thrift store, but immediately panicked and pulled it back. It was in our last garage sale, but I was relieved when no one bought it. Today, it sits with a collection of other garage sale items that have yet to be disbursed. I don’t know that it will be among those to go.

I don’t know why...

The second story - When I was 6 my Mom met and married a great guy who had no qualms whatsoever about her having kids. Instant family just add Rick, as a friend of mine would say. My Dad (Rick), wasn’t an instant father sensation, but he did pretty well for himself in the parent department and we grew very close. When I’m talking about my Dad, I’m talking about Rick. By the time I was 7 or 8 I was using Rick’s last name and when I was 14 he adopted me and I was officially his son.

My Dad is in Quality Control, which for folks who don’t know means - we moved a lot. QC folks can take one of 3 paths when they come into a new job. 1. They go into the company and tell the employees what they need to change, the employees balk - eventually the QC guy pisses off the wrong head honcho and they part ways. 2. The QC guy goes in, the employees adopt his methods, everybody loves everybody - The QC guy gets bored because there is nothing to fix. He stays with the company and retires pretty miserable. 3. The QC guys finds a new challenge at a new company, moves and the cycle continues.

My Dad chose the 3rd option so we moved a lot. Sometimes that was not as much fun as it sounds like.

Inevitably, at some point shortly after a move my Dad would notice that I wasn’t happy or I was sulking or I was bored or some other indicator he never shared with me, and we would head off on a Saturday morning car ride, and then to breakfast or brunch. Something like that. As an adult, I realize that my Dad was trying to get me to talk to him, to let him know how I was feeling, what was going on in my head, probably trying to determine if there was something he could fix.
As a kid, because my Dad would just say: “let’s go for a ride,” I always thought he had something up his sleeve. Were we going somewhere really cool? Were we picking up one of my friends from our old neighborhood at the bus station? Things like that.

I would get all amped up, end up giving him one word answers to every question he asked, be pissed off that we didn’t do anything “good,” and eat a disappointing meal I couldn’t wait to get home from.

Why didn’t I ever just ask my Dad what he was doing?

The third story - Last Saturday we went out with some friends to celebrate 2 birthdays, mine and my friend Renee’s.

While we were out I was talking to another friend and she stopped and asked me: “How are you doing?”

I could tell that she really wanted to know how I was, my mental state, my life condition if you will, so I paused, thought about it and said: “You know, I’m doing really good.”

She said: “I can tell. You seem a lot happier lately.”

We talked a little more about things that were happening, jobs, family, such... but I in the back of my mind, and still today apparently I keep coming back to that. What does “You seem a lot happier lately” mean?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad my friend noticed that. I’m glad I’m showing folks I’m as happy as I am. Still, as it has been quite some time since I was unhappy I’m wondering what has changed.

How have I changed?

So there you have it - Three stories rolling through my head -all with what I think are pretty significant questions - not seemingly related, but somehow I think they are.

Can you help me figure it out?

iWalk for Ryan

We met our friends Greg and Kelly in 1999, (maybe late 1998). Over the course of the next few years we spent a lot of time with them, watched them get married, helped them move into an apartment together, and did all the things that fast friends do.

But unfortunately, in this world where we are all too busy and time progresses so rapidly eventually we just didn’t spend as much time together. They were moving into a new home and beginning to raise a family, Netter was closing down her day care business and rejoining the work force because our girls were much older and always involved with school activities. You know how it goes...

We made sure we got to see Kelly and Greg as often as possible, meeting for the occasional dinner, drinks, night out and such, but as they began to have a family we were all just always busy.

Fortunately, we would still try and reconnect on occasion, but Netter and I never really got to know their kids - at least not then.

As Kelly and Greg’s kids have gotten older we have all tried to make sure we still spend some time together with our girls babysitting their boys. Still, we didn’t really know the boys. We always kept up with what they were doing, activities they were involved in, Facebook pics and the like, but we didn’t know them.  

We knew that Kelly and Greg’s younger son Ryan had been diagnosed with Autism so we started to ask a few questions, not prying, not getting in their business, but you know these are our friends, younger friends, don’t see them as often as we’d like to friends, but friends and we are concerned.

When we would get together and the girls would babysit at their house we always said hi to Greg and Kelly’s boys, but they were flirting with the girls, bargaining for bedtimes with their Mom - typical kid stuff. One evening their oldest son was being particularly flirty, so much so that I didn’t even notice that Ryan was not involved until a little tug came at my knee.

I looked down to see the brightest smile and a little boy with his arms outstretched for a hug.

“Wow!” I thought, and I kneeled down to give him a hug and ask him how he was, and what he was up to. Was he going to have fun that night with the girls, stuff like that.

… and I didn’t think anything of it - until...

The next time we all got together the whole scene repeated itself, and the next time, and again.

This little boy was making time for me, time to say hello, and give me a hug and heck I admit it I was hooked.

Ryan has my heart big time. I would do anything for him.

Autism has always been one of my hot button conditions. Why on earth God, (or whoever you believe in) could screw around with children with something like that is just beyond any comprehension. I’m not going to get up on my soapbox, but suffice to say finding a cure for Autism is a cause I fully support.

Remember, I run The MJB Foundation. We’re all about making sure kids experience the Joy of childhood, the Joy that all kids should experience. Anything that gets in the way of that is not alright with me.

So yesterday, on behalf of The MJB Foundation and our family we all attended Walk Now for Autism Speaks at The Ohio State University here in Columbus. Joining Ryan and his family and friends to support this cause was the very least we could do for this magical little boy.

I shot a video for The MJB Foundation blog. I thought I might share it here too. Here I will also confess that this is take 2. I got a little emotional in the first take. If you notice the gaps in this take, that’s me “controlling” the emotion.



If you can’t see the video click here.

If you’d like to join Ryan’s team please click here.

Thanks.