And then... There was Abram.

This is a cross post from The MJB Foundation Blog.

In the literal sense the drive from Galloway to Westerville only takes about 40 - 45 minutes.

Figuratively, however it took a bit longer.

Finally though, in early October 2011 my wife and I found ourselves en route carrying an MJB Donation.

A gift for a boy named Abram who simply needed a way to get out and play with his sisters, a way for Mom and Dad to get him outside. Abram’s “Get out and play" deck as we call it now.

We had heard about Abram a few months before. His family was having a fundraiser to build the deck, they had a goal number in mind, but came the query - Could The MJB Foundation help?

Of course we would - folks who were industrious enough to hold their own fundraiser? Heck, we were right on board. We would help with the difference. They would raise what they raised, and The MJB Foundation would make up the difference.

So we carried that check with us as we traveled to Westerville.

But here’s the catch - This was the first MJB Gift of Joy we were delivering personally. No agency involved. No intermediary. Just us... and honestly - we were a little nervous.

We were greeted at the door by some lovely young ladies and welcomed in to meet Abram and his family

What followed quite frankly was life changing, and as far as that goes - MJB changing too.

When you lose a child, as we did with Meghan Joy, the feelings, the emotion, the carousel, the roller coaster are all things you do alone. Oh, you have your spouse, and you are together. If you’re lucky, like we were, you have that support, that someone to lean on.

But nobody can understand what it is truly like. Not your friends, not your family, nobody who hasn’t gone through that experience themselves can truly understand what it’s like.

But, Emma and Andy, Abram’s parents, had done just that. Abram’s twin brother Heath passed away when he was 3 weeks and two days old.

Emma and Andy knew exactly who we were, and they made us feel so welcome. We spent about an hour and a half chatting, sharing stories, talking about Heath and Abram, and Meghan and Kailey and Delaney and Livvy, Ella, Mollie and Poppy and on and on, and we gave them the check and went on our way.

Afterwards, we visited the local mall to run some errands.

As we shopped we talked about our visit and marveled at the ease with which Emma carried on a conversation, cared for Abram, and still managed to keep track of what the girls were all doing.

We could not imagine keeping up with that pace. We could not imagine the energy that must take.

We discussed the similarities and differences we shared, and we decided that we were incredibly happy we were able to help, and more importantly that we had made that donation personally.

We kept in contact with Emma and Andy and their clan, with the goings on with Abram and his deck. We invited them to Bowl for Joy and Emma came with the kids and had a terrific time.

Afterward, Emma contacted me with some ideas for other ways The MJB Foundation could help folks, and other ways that she could be involved.

We had no idea...

The Speech

(This is what it sounds like in my head. Who knows how it's going to come out...)

They say that: “Everyone who has ever passed through the doors of Bishop Ready knows that for as long as they live they have a home here and they are always welcome back.

Today, I feel that, and I thank you. I want to also thank those who nominated me, and accepted me into this select group. I am humbled by this honor, and I hope that in my life I am able to continue to do the work that brought me here, that is my passion. I want to thank an incredibly supportive family, a whole team of people, hundreds of supporters, and all the folks who inspire me to do the work I do. They’re the ones who deserve the recognition.

I was very nervous about being here today. I asked my girls, who some of you know, what I could say that wouldn’t make me sound like “some old” guy.

They just laughed.

So, I asked another friend, and she told me to just talk about what I do.  

As I look out at all of you I remember myself in those very same seats. I was excited for the future, even if I had no idea what that future held.

It took me sometime to figure it all out, and that’s okay. All I really knew was that whatever I did, it probably shouldn’t involve math. More importantly, I wanted to do it as best as I possibly could.

I learned here at Ready that each and every one of us has the ability to have an impact on our environment, and most especially the people around us.

Just being a Dad, carrying on my daughter Meghan’s legacy through our work with The MJB Foundation, and being the best Dad I can be to my daughters Kailey and Delaney I’ve found my life’s work, and somehow that lead me here today.

At The MJB Foundation we strive everyday to make sure that children, all of the children can know the real Joy that should be childhood.

As my children have grown I have stressed to them, and to their friends and other youth I have worked with, the importance of finding a way to enjoy their childhood.

That’s what life should be all about - Joy - and that is my wish for you today.

Thank you!

The Hall of Fame? Really?

Dear Ms. Kelly,

I have to confess that I spent a considerable amount of time trying to write "my story," as it pertains to my Bishop Ready High School Hall of Fame nomination. Like many, I have a difficult time with this type of notoriety as I just consider what I do…well, what I do. With that said, what follows is just a summary, rather than some dressed-up version. I don't know how to do that.

I have 3 daughters. That’s not what I say when folks ask because it’s awkward and uncomfortable for them sometimes. Running The MJB Foundation is my way of keeping alive the legacy of my daughter Meghan Joy. This isn’t the life’s work I would have guessed for myself, but it is a mission I embrace, a position I am proud to hold. I’m Meghan Joy’s Daddy, but I’m also very proud of Kailey and Delaney. Being there for all of my children, in whatever capacity, is my biggest priority.

Coming out of Bishop Ready I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life except that it would be better if it didn't involve math. Naturally then, I became a theatre major at The Ohio State University. I thought that was it, the career for me. I even came back and directed a couple of plays at Ready. At the end of the academic year I realized that I wasn't ready for college in the traditional sense. I auditioned and was accepted to the American Musical and Dramatic Academy in New York, but having spent more than $600 in less than 2 days there, and not having received a scholarship I decided instead to continue to work at the library, a job I'd had since my senior year of high school. 

In 1988, I met the woman who would later become my wife. I still didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I knew that I wanted to be the best husband and father I could possibly be. I think childhood and adolescence is absolutely the hardest thing any of us will have to deal with in our lives (save for extraordinary circumstances), and I knew I wanted to make it as easy as I possibly could for my children.

In 1993, our twin daughters Kailey and Meghan Joy were born. We were not expecting twins, and there were many complications. The whole story is here. 
http://www.mjbfoundation.org/about-the-mjb-foundation/the-story-of-meghan-joy/

In May of 1994, we were devastated by the death of Meghan Joy. In an attempt to find some peace, some reason, my wife and I began to reach out to friends and family who told us that Meghan had inspired them, that she had a profound effect on their lives and many others. To continue her memory and preserve her legacy we started holding a golf tournament every year as we, and many of our friends, were avid golfers. Each year for 9 years we had the golf outing and a big party dubbed "The MJB" to celebrate Meghan's life. We settled into a pattern, and daughter Delaney joined us in 1996.

In 2004, our 10th year, we wanted to do something big. In talking to a friend I realized that we could do more with the story of Meghan, that we should use her inspiration to help other children. Children who, like Meghan faced more than their fair share of challenges. Cerebral palsy, autism and a whole host of other diagnoses affect the daily lives of so many children, and the resources for helping them are few and far between. So began The MJB Foundation.

We held our first Golf for Joy, the 10th annual family golf tournament and party remembering Meghan's inspiration in June of 2004. We raised a little over $1,800. We gained our 501(c) 3 status in 2005. We never looked back. In 2010 we added a bowling event and, to date, we have raised more than $40,000 for children with challenges in Central Ohio. From our Mission Statement: By sponsoring recreational and educational activities, donating physical goods and services, and making monetary contributions we hope to bring Joy to these children. 

When we started The MJB Foundation it was easy to identify a need that wasn’t being met. Simply put, some children just don’t have access, or enough access, as the case may be. When Meghan was born in 1993 we had excellent insurance, everything was paid for. If we needed equipment or some adaptive device for Meghan, no matter the cost, it was covered. In 2004 this type of insurance for anyone was nothing more than a faded memory, and the situation has not improved today. 

Even the children with the most challenges are often left at the bottom of some bureaucratic list with not enough funding to obtain the resources they need to just be kids, to experience the Joy that should be childhood. 

The MJB Foundation wants to be there to fill those gaps, to find those children who aren’t experiencing that Joy and help them with the resources they need. Whether that is an adaptive tricycle, some kind of therapy, a special tray or just an adaptive piece of furniture; we work with organizations like FCBDD to identify children in need, provide the needed funding and send them a gift of Joy from The MJB Foundation. 

Our next event is coming up in November as we are presenting Ohio Idols for Independence – Helping Kids with Cerebral Palsy Find Their Voice in conjunction with Ohio Idol, and CP Parent Columbus, a Family Resource Group for Cerebral Palsy. Attendance is expected to exceed 1,500 and the event should raise more than any other we have held to date. 

So does that make me a Hall of Fame inductee? I don't know. Even when I eventually graduated from college in 2001 I wasn't sure what I wanted to be when I grow up, but I have found that I really like to work with kids, and I really like to work with non-profits, particularly organizations that benefit folks who get missed. My community is very important to me... with a lot of emphasis on family. I’m also currently the treasurer for the Westland Band Boosters. (I had some spare time I needed to fill.)

I told my girls that they didn't come with an instruction manual and that we were going to figure out the best way to do things together. As my children have grown I have stressed to them, and to their friends and other youth I have worked with, the importance of finding a way to enjoy their childhood. 

I coached my girls’ sports teams when they played, and I have been fortunate to be a "second Dad" to many of their friends. I still have kids today whose eyes light up as they greet me with an embrace. Many of them call me "Poppa Chow." That's enough of a reward for me.

Resolved for Dummies

As I paddled backwards I watched Netter working on her reel and line and realized that for the first time, in pretty much ever, I was going to have to do this myself.

Patiently, I maneuvered the canoe so it angled just so. Quietly I put down my paddle and picked up my rod. A quick side arm flick of the wrist putting my line exactly where I knew he was...

Pow, the fish grabbed my artificial worm and started to swim.

Furiously I started to reel him in, then remembered that I needed to be more patient and not let him jump, or otherwise find a way to pull away from my line... and there he was.

As I put down my fishing pole and pulled the fish from the water I could see that he wasn’t all that special. Average size, not all that big, not even as big as two I had caught the day before actually, but there was a difference.

I didn’t wait for Netter to help paddle me into position, or wait for her to say: “Good cast Honey,” to know I had gotten it right. I had put all the lessons of our 19 previous trips to Akita, everything Ranger Annette, (as we only half jokingly call her) and her Dad had taught me, grabbed opportunity by the hand and I just caught it. I mean I just did it.

You know... like the Nike commercial.

Incredible satisfaction, the only one of my fish we took a picture of the whole weekend in fact.

Today, I am focusing on that as we mark the 18th anniversary of the passing of our daughter Meghan Joy.

I’m reflecting a lot on past and current successes and wondering why sometimes it takes me so long to learn.

Just do it Jim!

In February of last year I let loose my rant of a lifetime...

Because I wasn’t getting anything done.

For the remainder of 2011 I tried to “get stuff done.”

I had my three words and I tried to stick to those, but as 2012 approached I realized that I wasn’t going to accomplish everything I had set out to in 2011, and I needed to find more time, to get stuff done.

I’ve held off talking about it here because I didn’t want to have yet another - New Year’s or Lenten resolution, reflection, good gawd you’re making me gag with all this mushy, gushy life is too short, fulfill your dreams blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH... and so on...

But as I sit here today and think about Meghan Joy, the Foundation we have established in her memory, and the children we have helped because of her with our golf tournament and bowling outing, I can’t help but think about how important it is to actually DO things.

After I did that little time study last year I started doing things. Instead of finding systems, and books, and ways to get organized and accomplish more, and blah, blah, blah... I just started doing things.

This pile - where does it go? Move it!
That pile - what do I need to do with that? Do it!
That phone call. That letter. Make it. Send it.

Just do it.

It still becomes quite a process sometimes, and I admit that I still overthink things, and I am very guilty of finding tasks that “need to be done,” to replace tasks that “really need to be done.” (I call this cleaning the junk drawer, a theory derived from this article by one of my favorite writers.)

Still, I’ve been steadily pecking away at things, finding the most success with getting healthy - which I thought would actually be the most difficult of the 3 words I wanted to tackle. (Or maybe getting healthy is cleaning out my junk drawer.)

I've been working on it since March 12 because I was supposed to start working with a trainer that day, but hurt my knee. I had to rehab it anyway so I stuck to the diet part of the deal and started with work in the hot tub, then walking, skating, onto the elliptical, and a new obsession with biking. I just told the trainer I would probably not be back because I really enjoy the cardio work I’ve been doing, although I really do get a lot from being on his email list with the fitness information he shares. I must confess I don’t agree with all of it, but I am learning and also remembering a lot from when I worked out as a young person.  

I've done something every day since with a couple of exceptions. I took the first weekend of March Madness off to spend time with buddies doing what buddies do when they are watching basketball. Would not have been a pretty calorie count, although I did cut out the fried food, pizza, and such after day 1. I also sometimes cheat on Saturdays and depending what I'm doing that can get a little out of hand. I'm coming into this with an open mind trying to learn and make changes that will be long term. As of today I’m proud to report I’ve lost 15 pounds and I’m halfway to my goal.

In the meantime, aside from the health kick I’m just doing the work. It takes me away from the blog and some other mediums more than I’d like, but in the long haul I think it will make for more quality in all areas of my life.

I am resolved to make it so.

We're All Batman

This is my speech from The MJB Foundation's 17th annual Golf for Joy today. It is being cross posted at The MJB Foundation blog.
When I was a little kid, and even a little bit today I would wonder how super heroes decided who to save? I mean you see Batman saving Vicky Vale, and Spider Man saving  Mary Jane. Heck, Superman turns the world backwards to save Lois Lane.

But let’s say it’s not their girlfriend. It’s not an easy or obvious choice, although even those choices aren’t always easy or obvious. 50 people on a bus or my girlfriend? Hmmm... Let me think about that...

What about if there is more than one crime going on at the same time? We see stuff blowing up on the screen, but you know some body is being robbed in the next block over right? Bad stuff happens to good people all the time. How does the super hero decide?

Here’s what I think.

Sometimes the super hero lets us decide. Because sometimes we are the super hero.

I’m gonna let you in on a secret - Actually, it might not be a secret at all... Still, I want to share it with you today because it’s something that is really special to me.

Ready?

I     Am     Batman

I know. I know. Most of you already knew that, What you don’t know is the secret behind why I am Batman? The core of my “super-hero - ness” if you will...

I am Batman because of you, and what’s more... You are Batman too.

So, uh Jimmer where are you going with this?

Think about this... How is Batman different from you or me or anybody else?

He can’t fly. He doesn’t shoot webs. He doesn’t talk to fish. He doesn’t have a mighty shield. He certainly is not a god.

He’s human. A regular everyday person like you, and like me.

Except...

For the toys.

Remember in the first Batman movie with Michael Keaton where it seemed like the Joker was always one step ahead and then Batman would press some button on his utility belt and swing off to safety. That’s how he rescued Vicky Vale right? and then the Joker said:

“Where does he get all those wonderful toys?”

Well in this world where I am Batman, where you are Batman - I get all my wonderful toys from you, and we get to try to save all these wonderful kids the Joy of childhood. Or at least share it with them anyway.

And just like Superman honors his parents Jor - El and Lara, Spiderman is driven by the death of his Uncle Ben and Batman is driven by the tragic death of his parents - we are all driven by a magical little girl named Meghan Joy.

We don’t have any of the “cool toys,” but we do have the love and support of family and friends and I feel very fortunate to have that support, to feel that love, to share the gifts that we can with folks who need them.

Because while we’re not really super heroes, we are all deciding to help, and that makes all the difference.

Thank you for all for supporting The MJB Foundation. (and coming to Golf for Joy 2011.)

De-Cluttering - Hey, That's What I'm Calling It...

I haven’t been here much lately. There are reasons for that. I’m not sure they’re good reasons, but they’re really all I’ve got. I don’t believe in excuses, but I think explanations are important. Does that make sense? Anyway - here goes...

Every year I crash after our golf tournament. I love my MJB Foundation work, but the weeks leading up to the tournament are filled with activity, sometimes overly stressful, and definitely stretch my capabilities for keeping up in general. This year I crashed extra hard. I was off my game on tournament day, (not my golf game, my Founder game) and mostly because I was just flat tired. I don’t know if it was because we added Bowl for Joy this year, or because my volunteer force grew to 17 and then shrank to 9, or what it was, but I was gassed.

Thankfully, this did not affect the tournament. We were still able to raise a good amount of funds for children with challenges, and while the day ran long - another story entirely, and probably my fault - it was still by and large a success. I think so anyway.

We took the week after the tournament off, and I mean off. We laid around. We watched movies. In general we just vegged as they say. We did go to the zoo, and we visited some friends, but for the most part - yeah nothin’. I was good with that.

As the summer progressed I was still good with that. Anything that required any sustained sort of energy, like blogging went by the wayside. My Twitter feed slowed down. My Facebook updates dwindled. At times I felt like Four Square was the only social media app I was using on a consistent basis, and honestly that just felt odd.

So I started to take a look at things, really ruminate if you will and I noticed some patterns.

Like History, my life really seemed to just repeat itself over and over and over and over and over and over and... You get the picture.

Even some of the posts on this blog were really just repeats of something I’d said before and hadn’t realized when I posted them again.

So I decided to make some changes, to really work on doing things differently instead of just talking about it all the time. This meant more work off line, but it also meant a clearer mind for me in the long run, and more importantly that change. It’s coming. I can feel it.

Still when you take a step back from something it can be hard to get “back into it.”

I managed only one post all summer. An important story I wanted to share that just sprang out of me because I told it when it was fresh and clear in my mind. Obviously, that’s something I need to do more often.

But outside of that one instance every time I was ready to post again I would get caught up in the advice of the experts, well mostly this expert. But that’s not Chris’ fault. In reality I wasn’t even listening to myself.

So finally I recognized that and I decided to just do it. To just put it out there, but even that seemed forced, and ultimately I just waited - until something felt right.

And they’re you go.

I’ve really decided that life is sorta random and strange and hard to plan for and more often than not so am I. Just ask my wife, and yeah, my kids too.

But I’m going with that and I’m going to embrace it. I’m random and strange, (Maybe I should say different?) but I’m really just me, and that’s really just my blog , and that part about the cluttered mind is a lot more true than I thought.

I’ve learned a lot about myself this summer, and along the way I’ve picked up a story or two to tell. I’ll get to those. I’ve picked up a new second job, which I’m very excited about. I’ll talk about that too. I’ve also picked up a secret new addiction, which I may or may not talk about I haven’t decided yet. Oh, who am I kidding...

Anyway, it’s good to be back, and I’m not just saying that this time.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

When I met my wife, she had this really cool car, an Acura Integra LS. Flip up headlights, sunroof. The whole nine yards.

I had a beat up Chevy Nova that we actually sold before she even got to ride in it.



For years we only had one car. It was okay. We worked at the same place and did most everything together. Occasionally we would borrow a friend's vehicle if we really needed to go somewhere without the other. When Netter went to work at another library location I had friends drive me home from work when necessary.

After we had the twins we decided we needed a second car, a bigger car, a family car, but I did not want a minivan. No Way. No How. No minivan.

It was the first of a number of changes we would make in our life after the loss of Meghan Joy. We weren't waiting for anything anymore (another post for another day). Much to my surprise, my wife told me she wanted an SUV, and not just any SUV, but a sporty SUV to boot.

I thought that was sexy! (and certainly not a minivan) So the shopping started...

After a few weeks of looking at new and used SUVs of every type and model we determined that we wanted to buy the new Honda Passport. That was almost 15 years ago.

This week we're saying goodbye to our old friend, that treasured vehicle. Netter long ago dubbed this incredibly reliable car Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. In 1995, I told the dealer I wasn't interested in a lease because we were going to drive that car until the wheels came off, and it fell down around us. We almost made it that far.Final mileage was 234,790.

In February, after determining that the cost of repair for belts and hoses was a good chunk of change towards a newer replacement vehicle we had been considering purchasing, we parked the Passport in front of the house until further review. K was almost 16, she would be driving soon, a repaired Passport might be a good option for her.

We purchased the newer vehicle - a minivan, go figure...

K just finally got her temps a few weeks ago and we have decided to go another route with the Passport. The tags are going to expire on Saturday. It seems silly to continue to pay for registration and insurance for a vehicle that likely won't be used until at least March 2010. It's time to say goodbye.

We posted the car on Craig'sList on Monday. I'm pretty sure it will be sold within the next few days.

When I think about all of the things we have done and the places that car has taken us, I can't help but smile. She was my first, (and only) new vehicle - ever.

The summer of 1995 saw us take the first of two trips to North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. A trip with great friends, time on the beach, four grand golf courses. It was so, so much fun.

In 1996 we used the Passport to move into our new home, (more of that not waiting stuff) and 5 days later welcomed our baby D into the world. Of course the Passport brought her home from the hospital. Mommy got to bring her baby home with her this time. Monitors be damned.

We used the Passport to haul all the material to finish our basement in 2000 when Netter started doing home daycare. That same year a friend drove the Passport to Pittsburgh to buy the first bed he would share with his wife. We were in their wedding the very next summer.

Of course with my family in Michigan, and my roots in the D(etroit) we also made several trips to Michigan. We made the last of two journeys to Tiger Stadium for the 3rd to last game to be played at that historic venue, in September 1999. We saw the Lions play in 2002, the first year that Ford Field was open. Yes, they lost.

Earlier in 2002 we made our last journey to North Myrtle Beach. Different friends, more great times, lots of seafood (crab for me every day in fact), more beautiful golf courses. Throw in some Bloody Mary's and too many good stories to share in one space and the trip was just as awesome as our first.

Our first trip to Greenville, South Carolina to visit my fave cousin Butch, and all the Brochowski family for Thanksgiving in 2003, (I think) might have been the last of the long trips we would take in our Chitty Chitty Bang Bang car. I remember my Dad telling me the steel belts were showing on my tires and that it was time to replace them, and my cousin Christy's husband Yousef marveling at the 148,000 miles on the odometer at the time.

Of course, not all of our trips were joyous, but the memories will live on. Our trusted friend took us to say goodbye to my Babcia, and to my Uncle Jerry - probably the man I admire most in the whole world. I have the greatest golf story ever from the trip for Uncle Jerry's funeral. I'll spare you the details and just share that teaching Yousef how to say Titleist - was one of the funniest things ever.

Happy or sad, good times or bad, great stories, good friends, great times - the Passport just kept going.

Goodbye old friend.

Baby Sydney

We received a message this morning that our brother-in-law's niece died in her sleep last night.

She was 5 months old.

I know.

I've been walking around stunned for the last 4 hours or so. I'm on the verge of tears, had a hard time eating lunch, and my body is just out of kilter.

No parent should have to bury their child. I believe it is one of the cruelest things our Lord allows to happen.

Pretty frustrated with the man upstairs right now, but unfortunately that doesn't mean he's gonna be providing answers any time soon.

Sometimes we just have to find them through faith.

Not a day goes by that I don't miss our Meghan Joy, that I don't wonder what might have been. I have all the physical and practical answers, but I'll never really know why.

No one can.

Not long ago, I reconnected with an old friend who had also lost a child, and I could tell that she hadn't really come to terms, that she didn't know what to expect. She wanted some answers, some closure.

I reached out to her, and told her that there is no right way, no time table, and no formula for dealing with the grief of losing a child.

It is a pain you can never know unless you have experienced it yourself. It's a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It is a wound that may not heal.

But it is not the end, and it can be overcome. Eventually we all find a way to survive. As Netter is fond of saying - "That which does not kill me makes me stronger."

I'm sure that's the last thing Sydney's parents would want to hear right now. I don't know them very well, but I have met them. They are a wonderful young couple. My heart aches for them today.

I know that one of the things that helped us the most was the support we felt from our friends, from our community, from people who would reach out to us and tell us they understood.

Today, if I may I'd like to ask all of you to look up, around, over above and through whatever you do and say a prayer for Baby Sydney and for her parents, that they may find peace.

What would you do?

Yesterday we received this in the mail.
It's not the first time we've gotten something like this.

Meghan has also been invited to join Up with People and nominated to be included in Who's Who of American Grade School Students, (may not be the exact name) among other things.

For those of you who may not know we lost our Meghan Joy when she was 15 months old.

As you might expect every time we receive something like this it catches us off guard.

While we do everything we can to continue Meghan's legacy through her foundation we try not to dwell on the things that aren't happening.

Meghan's sister K (they are identical twins) is a sophomore in high school this year. She has a slew of experiences and accomplishments. We don't often talk about what Meghan might have experienced or accomplished.

Meghan's younger sister D is in 7th grade this year experiencing the trials and tribulations of adolescence. We rarely address the fact that D never had the chance to even know her older sibling.

It's not that we don't love to talk about our Meghan Joy. It's just that you don't want to dwell on the negative, and would rather pick our moments and times to stress the positive.

When Netter first told me about this letter she said that I would "get to make another fun phone call." Yeah - insert sarcasm there.

I have made these calls before. I have had lengthy email exchanges with company representatives.

Almost always they are apologetic. Only one has been defensive, I found out through the course of emailing back and forth that she had also lost a child. The mailing list came from a third party.

Ah, the mailing list...

While each Organization I've contacted has maintained that while they do use mailing lists there are still criteria that need to be met before they send out invitations.

Seems kinda preposterous doesn't it?

Meghan passed when she was 15 months old, it's hard to believe there is any reason she'd be sent any of these things except for the fact that birth announcements are published in the paper and obviously collected by these types of agencies for future use. That the further step is taken to find a current address for each student, (Meghan never lived in the house we live in now), makes it even more ridiculous.

In truth the whole thing has gotten almost comical which in and of itself is sad.

I'll call the National Benefit Life Insurance Company tomorrow and let them know what I think about all of this, and I'm sure there excuses will all be very similar to what we've already heard from so many others.

Or maybe I won't. Will it really make a difference? I've always called or emailed. What will happen, how will we feel if I don't?

What would you do?