Took Me a Minute... But listen...

 I have to admit it took me a minute, or two, or a few days or eight I guess to be exact...

Still, I wasn't expecting so much feedback on my post from last week. I want to start out by saying I am very appreciative of all the support - the comments, the messages, even the phone calls, (still hate talking on the phone for the record), all of it. I felt the support and the love and... well, thank you.

But here's the thing - I know -

I know I don't owe anybody anything. I know I can just be my own person, my own self, without apology. I know. 

Yes, I have a history of over thinking things. I've been known to be a pleaser, to promise my time, etc... and so on, and I know it's okay to let that all go. 

Really!

I'm not asking for forgiveness. I'm asking to be heard.

I want to let people know - I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING TO BE SELFISH! MY FAMILY IS NOT DOING ANYTHING TO BE MEAN, OR VINDICTIVE! 

But people don't want to hear that do they? 

They'd rather assign their own meaning, to make it about them...

Why on earth would anything not be about them?

We are a selfish lot aren't we..? Humans...

Eh. 

My brain hurts - 

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, or call anyone out personally, but I'm tired of keeping this all bottled up so let's just get this out there...

I once had a teacher who told us flat out she was going to grade us how she liked us. She really meant she'd help our grades if we at least acted like we gave a shit, but go with me here... (Extra points to the Ready grads who can tell me who I'm talking about.)

So - going forward - if you think I'm talking about you - Sure, whatever, I am... Have fun with it. 

Life is supposed to be fun after all... 

Have a good week - I'll talk to you soon. 

When you gotta write - I guess.

 Conflicted? Confused? Perplexed? What's the word... I don't know... But I have to find out.

So, I'm writing this time purely for me - Up front, I want everyone to know that. I know some people like to read my work so I'm sharing it, but if I'm being honest - I'm doing this, trying this again - for me. 

Just about four years ago my life changed significantly, and I had to shift my focus, change my lifestyle, hell change how people know me...

... and in the last few months I'm finding out that not everyone is okay with that - 

That decisions I've made aren't the ones they wanted me to make... aren't the ones that serve them best? Even if they serve me best?

I don't know...

But I do know that just about every day in my head I have this dialogue going on where I'm trying to figure it out - so I thought I'd share. 

In little bits at a time - 

- So that's all for today. 

Thanks for listening...

The List, The Plan, My Life... Retirement? I don't know what you call it.

The reality is that it was right there in front of me. Right there, organized, ready to be tackled the entire time. I just didn't see it. 

Know who helped me...? 

Have you been paying attention? 

Of course it was my wife. Let me say that again. Of course It.Was.My.Wife.

Love that Woman!

How do we survive without these women in our lives? I don't even want to contemplate that beyond the words on the page. 

Anyway... as they say...

It was right there in front of me. When I retired 6 years ago (Yes, that says 6. I can't believe it either.) I had already started making a list of things I was going to work on for the first month or so before I headed back to work at some job, somewhere, somehow...

And then I didn't head back to work.

Our life and financial situation were such that I didn't really need to work after all. I mean I'm still never saying never, but so far - we're good. We were good then. We're good now. 

Beautiful.

But I still had that list, and I added to it and without even trying scratched some things off - just living life... 

... and then I ran into some health issues starting in 2018, and again in 2019, and then we all ran into health issues in 2020.

On the other side of all of that - hopefully, maybe... But

 - I now find myself stuck. S.T.U.C.K. STUCK!

So, being the organized soul that I am, and many will say I am overly organized oddly enough... I decided to make a list, to find a better way, to get started... to finally find a way to be retired.

In doing that - I rediscovered that list. So, over the last week or so - I know it was longer than I'd promised, but you know - life... I reviewed the list, and updated the list, and began trying to find a way to do something with the list that moves me forward. 

No, not just moves me forward, but also helps me become unstuck. 

I've got a pretty solid routine of things I do every day, ways I live my life, things I do without even thinking... The routine of the retiree so to speak. 

But why does it have to be the same tomorrow? 

It doesn't. I know that. I'm working on it. I'll get there. I am now keenly aware that I was stuck. 

Was. 

Not anymore.

It's time to look forward - 

To tomorrow. 

What's next on the list?

Have a good weekend!

Having a Plan...

While I want to write more, I don't want to just share random thoughts everyday. That's boring, or it could be - at least it seems like it to me. 

So, here's what I'm going to do. 

This weekend, and to be honest probably into next week - I'm going to take some time to do some planning, to decide where I want to go and how I want to get there. 

The tomorrows are piling up after all

- and I'd like to make them count. 

See you sometime next week. 

Back in the Literary Saddle - as it were.

 Whew - Kinda dusty in these parts... Has it really been 8 1/2 years since I posted? Dems da facts as they say...

So much has happened - where to begin? What shall we talk about? Oh hell... who knows...

Here's what I do know - I've been retired for almost 6 years. One of my retirement goals was to write more. One of many goals... Life has taken many interesting, and not so interesting twists and turns... and well, I haven't written more. Although...

I do write in my head - every day. Not a very useful medium is it? 

Yes, I know how that sounds.

But - I've decided to give it a go, to find a space, to put down some words every day - well every work day anyway, and see if I can find this voice, my voice - again. 

I'm a lot older, a little grumpier, and maybe even a little wiser than the last time I decided to share some thoughts and stories... I feel like now is a good time. I will try not to be too grumpy.

I might stay here. I might move... I'll probably continue to share on Facebook - just because I know there's at least a few folks there who might enjoy what I write. Who knows...

The only thing I'm sure of is this: It is time to write. It's the one thing I have always enjoyed. Good, bad, indifferent. It's not work. It's just what I do. Why not share it... What do you think?

My very wise Mrs.

I’m not big on conflict. Even when I have the occasional argument around the house I tend to catch myself and let it go. My wife is usually, (read 99.9% of the time) right anyway, and my kids are really good kids with good hearts. 

Not much is worth fighting about.

Not much gets me amped up at all really. Maybe sports, particularly hockey, but even there I don’t yell and scream at the television like I used to.

When I need to advocate for my kids though... that’s when it’s on. I am a very protective Papa Chow, and I will do whatever I need to do to take care of my kids. All of them.

Which is where I think this all started. I’m not going to go into all the sordid details, but it lasted about a week, involved an incredible amount of discussion and in the end, once I knew things were taken care of, it was over.

I thought.

I’m realizing though that it wasn’t over. Not by a long shot.

I’m realizing that being in that defensive mode has carried forward and I’ve been putting up some walls.

I’m realizing that for a person who doesn’t usually know how to say: “no” I have been subconsciously saying: “leave me alone.” Emphatically.

Easy things have become complicated, even difficult, and that just doesn’t need to be.

When I woke up this morning, this all hit me like a ton of bricks. By the time I had arrived at work, or about 2 hours later I had some clarity. I’m still working it out because it’s still new, but it’s time to take those walls down.

I told Netter the other day that I thought “Skinny Jim” seemed like kind of a jerk, or an ass. Which probably was the beginning of recognizing the walls, now that I think about it.

She told me that was not the case, that I just needed to stop over extending myself and learn to be more patient, particularly with myself, and that the timing, (with the weight loss) was just coincidence.

Wise woman that Netter. Don’t you think?

You Drink Like You Did 60 Pounds Ago.

What the heck? I’m not proud. I’m not trying to hide anything. The public nature of this blog suggests that I’m comfortable sharing the good, and the not so good in my life. So, I’m sharing this one too.

One of the many side effects of losing weight that I hadn’t anticipated has been rearing an ugly head in my life. In short, well - I just can’t drink like I used to.

This isn’t to suggest that I drink or drank “a lot,” because quite honestly I think that varies by individual with several factors coming into play. I’ve seen small guys who could consume cases. I’ve seen large fellas who couldn’t drink a glass. I’ve known women who, as the saying goes, could drink anybody under the table. Nobody knows for sure what all of the variables are and how one might affect another.

But one variable that I haven’t been considering is my weight, and sadly in the last few months on more than one occasion I’ve had some embarrassing moments as I “drank like I did 60 pounds ago,” without realizing that that was what I was doing.

A friend said that to me on Friday, and honestly I couldn’t be more grateful.  

No, I’m not going to break it down into detailed stories. There haven’t been any trips to jail, or court, or anything like that. Fortunately, my wife and a great group of friends have looked out for me, and tolerated me, (my word, not theirs) listened to me, and given me good advice to go on.

Still the whole thing is both embarrassing and frightening.

A man has to do a better job of knowing his limitations, and knowing when enough is enough.

Never eat when you're angry

Ordinarily things like this just roll off my back, but today... Here's the story -

I went into a local eating establishment for lunch / dinner. (What do you call it when it's 4:00 p.m.?)

I was greeted with a hearty welcome to... Okay, no I wasn't, but I usually am.

A nice young lady came to the counter and asked me what I would like.

I'll have a.. "Um, excuse me," a voice interrupted from the side. "Can you tell me..."

The nice young lady went to answer that query.

Another young man came to the counter. "What can I get you sir?"

I would like a..."Um, can I get some water..." another voice interrupted... and the young man was gone.

Deep breath Jimmer. "Does somebody want to help me?"

The young man returned. "I'm sorry sir, what did you say?"

I said, "Does somebody want to help me?"

I just went to give that girl a cup. What, you having a bad day or something?

Insert screeching tire noise here. Did anybody else see that needle come off that record?

I couldn't help myself. "Forget it!" I snapped. I told the guy behind me to go ahead. To his credit, he just stood there and watched.

What sir?

I wheeled around - "She asked me what I wanted and then went to help that person. You asked me what I wanted and then went to help that other person. I.AM.STANDING.RIGHT.HERE...IN.LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Um, do you still want your sandwich?"

I did. I was hungry, and I have a long night ahead of me.

He hustled to finish making my sandwich, the transaction ended. He chopped $.50 off the price of my sandwich and offered me a free drink which I declined.

I then learned an entirely new lesson.

Never eat when you're angry.

Commence stomach ache.

!Sigh!

The Speech

(This is what it sounds like in my head. Who knows how it's going to come out...)

They say that: “Everyone who has ever passed through the doors of Bishop Ready knows that for as long as they live they have a home here and they are always welcome back.

Today, I feel that, and I thank you. I want to also thank those who nominated me, and accepted me into this select group. I am humbled by this honor, and I hope that in my life I am able to continue to do the work that brought me here, that is my passion. I want to thank an incredibly supportive family, a whole team of people, hundreds of supporters, and all the folks who inspire me to do the work I do. They’re the ones who deserve the recognition.

I was very nervous about being here today. I asked my girls, who some of you know, what I could say that wouldn’t make me sound like “some old” guy.

They just laughed.

So, I asked another friend, and she told me to just talk about what I do.  

As I look out at all of you I remember myself in those very same seats. I was excited for the future, even if I had no idea what that future held.

It took me sometime to figure it all out, and that’s okay. All I really knew was that whatever I did, it probably shouldn’t involve math. More importantly, I wanted to do it as best as I possibly could.

I learned here at Ready that each and every one of us has the ability to have an impact on our environment, and most especially the people around us.

Just being a Dad, carrying on my daughter Meghan’s legacy through our work with The MJB Foundation, and being the best Dad I can be to my daughters Kailey and Delaney I’ve found my life’s work, and somehow that lead me here today.

At The MJB Foundation we strive everyday to make sure that children, all of the children can know the real Joy that should be childhood.

As my children have grown I have stressed to them, and to their friends and other youth I have worked with, the importance of finding a way to enjoy their childhood.

That’s what life should be all about - Joy - and that is my wish for you today.

Thank you!

If Jim Brochowski can do it...

Maybe this is why:

As I stood up at third base I could see him looking at me and shaking his head. I had just smashed, (Hey I was 13 I still smashed things.) the ball into the fence in left field and while I was disappointed it didn’t go over I was also thrilled with what was probably the best hit of my life.
I scored on the next play and as I walked up to my Dad he said: “Just think how far it would have gone if it had been a strike.”

Ouch!

He was right though, the ball I hit was pitched almost over my head. As the infamous movie line goes: I like the high ones!

Now, I love my Dad and I don’t blame him for anything about my upbringing, but my point is I always have greater expectations, It’s taken a long time for me to learn how to be satisfied, and well, I don’t handle praise all that well.

The year to date has been a good one. The MJB Foundation has raised almost $7,000 with an event still to come, I’ve lost 42 pounds, (as of this morning), and I learned a couple of weeks ago that I’m to be inducted into my high school’s hall of fame, mostly for my work with the foundation.

Right and left I’m being congratulated and praised. Folks are using words like inspirational, and...

… And I have no idea how to handle this.

My wife even wants to have a celebratory get together after the HOF induction. She created a Facebook event, and made me a host so I can invite people who are on my friends list, but maybe not on hers.

Really?

“Hi, Come celebrate me?”

That just feels wrong. Egotistical, making a big deal out of nothing. To me, it’s just weird.

I feel like if I can do what I do, anybody can do what I do, and the reality is it’s not me. It’s an incredibly supportive family. It’s a whole team of people. It’s hundreds of supporters. It’s the folks who inspire me that help me do the things I do. They’re the ones who deserve the recognition.

I’m told I just need to learn to say thank you and move on, but when people are heaping this high praise, thank you doesn’t seem like enough. Not even close.

A friend once told me that she loves exclamation points because they add emphasis to what is otherwise ordinary. Okay - let’s give this a try...

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Hall of Fame? Really?

Dear Ms. Kelly,

I have to confess that I spent a considerable amount of time trying to write "my story," as it pertains to my Bishop Ready High School Hall of Fame nomination. Like many, I have a difficult time with this type of notoriety as I just consider what I do…well, what I do. With that said, what follows is just a summary, rather than some dressed-up version. I don't know how to do that.

I have 3 daughters. That’s not what I say when folks ask because it’s awkward and uncomfortable for them sometimes. Running The MJB Foundation is my way of keeping alive the legacy of my daughter Meghan Joy. This isn’t the life’s work I would have guessed for myself, but it is a mission I embrace, a position I am proud to hold. I’m Meghan Joy’s Daddy, but I’m also very proud of Kailey and Delaney. Being there for all of my children, in whatever capacity, is my biggest priority.

Coming out of Bishop Ready I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life except that it would be better if it didn't involve math. Naturally then, I became a theatre major at The Ohio State University. I thought that was it, the career for me. I even came back and directed a couple of plays at Ready. At the end of the academic year I realized that I wasn't ready for college in the traditional sense. I auditioned and was accepted to the American Musical and Dramatic Academy in New York, but having spent more than $600 in less than 2 days there, and not having received a scholarship I decided instead to continue to work at the library, a job I'd had since my senior year of high school. 

In 1988, I met the woman who would later become my wife. I still didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I knew that I wanted to be the best husband and father I could possibly be. I think childhood and adolescence is absolutely the hardest thing any of us will have to deal with in our lives (save for extraordinary circumstances), and I knew I wanted to make it as easy as I possibly could for my children.

In 1993, our twin daughters Kailey and Meghan Joy were born. We were not expecting twins, and there were many complications. The whole story is here. 
http://www.mjbfoundation.org/about-the-mjb-foundation/the-story-of-meghan-joy/

In May of 1994, we were devastated by the death of Meghan Joy. In an attempt to find some peace, some reason, my wife and I began to reach out to friends and family who told us that Meghan had inspired them, that she had a profound effect on their lives and many others. To continue her memory and preserve her legacy we started holding a golf tournament every year as we, and many of our friends, were avid golfers. Each year for 9 years we had the golf outing and a big party dubbed "The MJB" to celebrate Meghan's life. We settled into a pattern, and daughter Delaney joined us in 1996.

In 2004, our 10th year, we wanted to do something big. In talking to a friend I realized that we could do more with the story of Meghan, that we should use her inspiration to help other children. Children who, like Meghan faced more than their fair share of challenges. Cerebral palsy, autism and a whole host of other diagnoses affect the daily lives of so many children, and the resources for helping them are few and far between. So began The MJB Foundation.

We held our first Golf for Joy, the 10th annual family golf tournament and party remembering Meghan's inspiration in June of 2004. We raised a little over $1,800. We gained our 501(c) 3 status in 2005. We never looked back. In 2010 we added a bowling event and, to date, we have raised more than $40,000 for children with challenges in Central Ohio. From our Mission Statement: By sponsoring recreational and educational activities, donating physical goods and services, and making monetary contributions we hope to bring Joy to these children. 

When we started The MJB Foundation it was easy to identify a need that wasn’t being met. Simply put, some children just don’t have access, or enough access, as the case may be. When Meghan was born in 1993 we had excellent insurance, everything was paid for. If we needed equipment or some adaptive device for Meghan, no matter the cost, it was covered. In 2004 this type of insurance for anyone was nothing more than a faded memory, and the situation has not improved today. 

Even the children with the most challenges are often left at the bottom of some bureaucratic list with not enough funding to obtain the resources they need to just be kids, to experience the Joy that should be childhood. 

The MJB Foundation wants to be there to fill those gaps, to find those children who aren’t experiencing that Joy and help them with the resources they need. Whether that is an adaptive tricycle, some kind of therapy, a special tray or just an adaptive piece of furniture; we work with organizations like FCBDD to identify children in need, provide the needed funding and send them a gift of Joy from The MJB Foundation. 

Our next event is coming up in November as we are presenting Ohio Idols for Independence – Helping Kids with Cerebral Palsy Find Their Voice in conjunction with Ohio Idol, and CP Parent Columbus, a Family Resource Group for Cerebral Palsy. Attendance is expected to exceed 1,500 and the event should raise more than any other we have held to date. 

So does that make me a Hall of Fame inductee? I don't know. Even when I eventually graduated from college in 2001 I wasn't sure what I wanted to be when I grow up, but I have found that I really like to work with kids, and I really like to work with non-profits, particularly organizations that benefit folks who get missed. My community is very important to me... with a lot of emphasis on family. I’m also currently the treasurer for the Westland Band Boosters. (I had some spare time I needed to fill.)

I told my girls that they didn't come with an instruction manual and that we were going to figure out the best way to do things together. As my children have grown I have stressed to them, and to their friends and other youth I have worked with, the importance of finding a way to enjoy their childhood. 

I coached my girls’ sports teams when they played, and I have been fortunate to be a "second Dad" to many of their friends. I still have kids today whose eyes light up as they greet me with an embrace. Many of them call me "Poppa Chow." That's enough of a reward for me.

Be Happy Where You Are... But GO When You Need To...

Today I am returning for my 3rd week back to work since vacation. I cannot lie, at the end of last week I was tired. It had been a challenging week, long days, surprise assignments, stressful... and yet -

I still feel rejuvenated enough from my vacation that today, (admittedly after a long weekend) I am ready to jump back into the fray.

And?

Well I haven't told anybody, (except my wife) this, but I really thought about not going on that vacation. I thought I had so much "stuff" to do that I should stay home - do a little "staycation" and get some things done around the house instead.

Yes, that would have been colossally stupid.

To Netter's credit she let me decide on my own to go ahead and go on vacation. She reminded me as much when I thanked her as we walked down the beach. "I didn't say anything," she said. "I just told you I was going, and sort of let you figure it out on your own."

Ah... That wise wife of mine.

I hadn't been to the ocean in 10 years. It will not be 10 more. We hadn't taken a vacation of consequence in 3 years. It will not be 3 more. The time away means too much. The time with family is everything. The time experiencing different things and finding new day to days cannot be measured.

I've talked before here about over extending yourself, and needing a break. I needed that break this time whether I knew it or not.

I'm glad "I" figured it out.

Home from the Isle of Palms, and still Happy Where I am.

Be Happy Where You Are... Part 1

A little series here as I’m on vacation with lots of time to ponder.

Here’s the first installment...

I often think we make things too complicated in our  world. We never seem to be satisfifed with what we have, where we are. We're always on the lookout for ways to get ahead, to make ourselves better, to change things, to... well just be different.

Here's my question

What's wrong with where we are?

I was at breakfast with an old friend a few weeks ago. He's seen a fair share of trials and tribulations in the last few years, but I could tell as we were talking that he's come to a place where he is finally - happy.

We talked a great deal about what's been going on in our lives, family, kids, jobs, and such. When we were finished he said: "I'm just happy where I am you know. 'Be happy where you are, that's all that matters.'"

It struck me that I feel very much the same way. I've spent sooooooo much time over the last few years trying to change, to adjust, to get better. It's all chronicled here, over and over, time after time...

But lately?

Not so much.

In March of this year I stepped on the scale. The number I'm ashamed to say was a whopping 210 pounds. I know there are bigger numbers, people who weigh more, but at all of 5' 7" - 210 is a pretty big number. I admit I walked around in shock for a few hours that day, trying to convince myself that it didn't mean anything. After all, I had been gaining weight for quite sometime. I've talked before here about weighing 202. Obviously, that didn't bother me as much as I thought it did - Because now I weighed 210.

Now, if you ask me I'll tell you, but I'm not going to break down all the hows  and whys today. I will share that there's an app called "myfitnesspal," that I owe a debt of gratitude for showing me that the best diet is paying attention to what you're putting into your body and trying to get some exercise. (I also owe a great deal of gratitude to my wife, but you knew that if you are paying attention.)

I am aware that life isn't all about fitness levels, but I have to tell you - Feeling healthy - sure makes the rest of life a heckuva lot easier to tackle. But we can talk about that another time.

Today - I tip the scales some 30 pounds lighter (pre-vacation - although I'm trying to keep it sensible) and though I've more to go, I'm happy - where I am.

Because the lesson is - If you're not happy where you are...

Um, maybe you should find a way to get there.

Writing today from the Isle of Palm, and happy where I am.

Resolved for Dummies

As I paddled backwards I watched Netter working on her reel and line and realized that for the first time, in pretty much ever, I was going to have to do this myself.

Patiently, I maneuvered the canoe so it angled just so. Quietly I put down my paddle and picked up my rod. A quick side arm flick of the wrist putting my line exactly where I knew he was...

Pow, the fish grabbed my artificial worm and started to swim.

Furiously I started to reel him in, then remembered that I needed to be more patient and not let him jump, or otherwise find a way to pull away from my line... and there he was.

As I put down my fishing pole and pulled the fish from the water I could see that he wasn’t all that special. Average size, not all that big, not even as big as two I had caught the day before actually, but there was a difference.

I didn’t wait for Netter to help paddle me into position, or wait for her to say: “Good cast Honey,” to know I had gotten it right. I had put all the lessons of our 19 previous trips to Akita, everything Ranger Annette, (as we only half jokingly call her) and her Dad had taught me, grabbed opportunity by the hand and I just caught it. I mean I just did it.

You know... like the Nike commercial.

Incredible satisfaction, the only one of my fish we took a picture of the whole weekend in fact.

Today, I am focusing on that as we mark the 18th anniversary of the passing of our daughter Meghan Joy.

I’m reflecting a lot on past and current successes and wondering why sometimes it takes me so long to learn.

Just do it Jim!

In February of last year I let loose my rant of a lifetime...

Because I wasn’t getting anything done.

For the remainder of 2011 I tried to “get stuff done.”

I had my three words and I tried to stick to those, but as 2012 approached I realized that I wasn’t going to accomplish everything I had set out to in 2011, and I needed to find more time, to get stuff done.

I’ve held off talking about it here because I didn’t want to have yet another - New Year’s or Lenten resolution, reflection, good gawd you’re making me gag with all this mushy, gushy life is too short, fulfill your dreams blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH... and so on...

But as I sit here today and think about Meghan Joy, the Foundation we have established in her memory, and the children we have helped because of her with our golf tournament and bowling outing, I can’t help but think about how important it is to actually DO things.

After I did that little time study last year I started doing things. Instead of finding systems, and books, and ways to get organized and accomplish more, and blah, blah, blah... I just started doing things.

This pile - where does it go? Move it!
That pile - what do I need to do with that? Do it!
That phone call. That letter. Make it. Send it.

Just do it.

It still becomes quite a process sometimes, and I admit that I still overthink things, and I am very guilty of finding tasks that “need to be done,” to replace tasks that “really need to be done.” (I call this cleaning the junk drawer, a theory derived from this article by one of my favorite writers.)

Still, I’ve been steadily pecking away at things, finding the most success with getting healthy - which I thought would actually be the most difficult of the 3 words I wanted to tackle. (Or maybe getting healthy is cleaning out my junk drawer.)

I've been working on it since March 12 because I was supposed to start working with a trainer that day, but hurt my knee. I had to rehab it anyway so I stuck to the diet part of the deal and started with work in the hot tub, then walking, skating, onto the elliptical, and a new obsession with biking. I just told the trainer I would probably not be back because I really enjoy the cardio work I’ve been doing, although I really do get a lot from being on his email list with the fitness information he shares. I must confess I don’t agree with all of it, but I am learning and also remembering a lot from when I worked out as a young person.  

I've done something every day since with a couple of exceptions. I took the first weekend of March Madness off to spend time with buddies doing what buddies do when they are watching basketball. Would not have been a pretty calorie count, although I did cut out the fried food, pizza, and such after day 1. I also sometimes cheat on Saturdays and depending what I'm doing that can get a little out of hand. I'm coming into this with an open mind trying to learn and make changes that will be long term. As of today I’m proud to report I’ve lost 15 pounds and I’m halfway to my goal.

In the meantime, aside from the health kick I’m just doing the work. It takes me away from the blog and some other mediums more than I’d like, but in the long haul I think it will make for more quality in all areas of my life.

I am resolved to make it so.

Perspective

photo credit to Netter.

I took this one.

Sometimes, in fact a lot of times, it's just depends how you look at things...

Took this one with Mulligan pulling me the other way.

A Birthday Mystery

As I reflect today on 43 years on God’s green earth three stories keep rolling through my mind. I’m not sure exactly how they are connected, but I have a feeling they are, and I’m fairly certain I’m supposed to figure it out. Maybe you can help me?

(Note* The first two stories are things I don’t talk about very often, and many do not know. If you’re not looking for that much knowledge about me well, you’ve been warned.)

The first story - When I was 3 my Mom got divorced, and while I know there are different sides to every story and details I probably wasn’t aware of, the fact of the matter is that my biological father was largely absent from my life from that point forward. There were some visits. There was some contact, but what I remember most is that he would cancel visits often, show up very late, and sometimes not at all - and his new wife is one of 3 things I’ve had nightmares about in 43 years. She was just not a nice person. His stepsons were no walks in the park either.

So it’s understandable I think that after awhile I became detached, and eventually I just got pissed off and said I didn’t really give a damn, and I didn’t.

The last time I remember seeing Wayne, his name is Wayne - was the Christmas of what must have been 1978. I remember the year because it is part of the story. You see Wayne asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and with my “I don’t give a damn attitude,” I decided to go pie in the sky and ask for all the things I really wanted - top 3 on my list.

I wanted a rocket, a whole box of hockey cards, and a television set, and when I showed up for Christmas at my Grandmother’s (Wayne’s mother), I got exactly those 3 things and that was the last Christmas I spent any time with Wayne.

The rocket went back to his farm where we were “going to” set it off together. The hockey cards were combined with the rest of my card collections, played with and eventually sold when I was 19 or so because I was short on cash.

I still have the television. It still has the sticker that says 1978. It hasn’t been turned on in years. Even with a cable adapter it’s probably not even usable with all the new digital cable and such, but I cannot seem to let it go. I once put in on the truck at the thrift store, but immediately panicked and pulled it back. It was in our last garage sale, but I was relieved when no one bought it. Today, it sits with a collection of other garage sale items that have yet to be disbursed. I don’t know that it will be among those to go.

I don’t know why...

The second story - When I was 6 my Mom met and married a great guy who had no qualms whatsoever about her having kids. Instant family just add Rick, as a friend of mine would say. My Dad (Rick), wasn’t an instant father sensation, but he did pretty well for himself in the parent department and we grew very close. When I’m talking about my Dad, I’m talking about Rick. By the time I was 7 or 8 I was using Rick’s last name and when I was 14 he adopted me and I was officially his son.

My Dad is in Quality Control, which for folks who don’t know means - we moved a lot. QC folks can take one of 3 paths when they come into a new job. 1. They go into the company and tell the employees what they need to change, the employees balk - eventually the QC guy pisses off the wrong head honcho and they part ways. 2. The QC guy goes in, the employees adopt his methods, everybody loves everybody - The QC guy gets bored because there is nothing to fix. He stays with the company and retires pretty miserable. 3. The QC guys finds a new challenge at a new company, moves and the cycle continues.

My Dad chose the 3rd option so we moved a lot. Sometimes that was not as much fun as it sounds like.

Inevitably, at some point shortly after a move my Dad would notice that I wasn’t happy or I was sulking or I was bored or some other indicator he never shared with me, and we would head off on a Saturday morning car ride, and then to breakfast or brunch. Something like that. As an adult, I realize that my Dad was trying to get me to talk to him, to let him know how I was feeling, what was going on in my head, probably trying to determine if there was something he could fix.
As a kid, because my Dad would just say: “let’s go for a ride,” I always thought he had something up his sleeve. Were we going somewhere really cool? Were we picking up one of my friends from our old neighborhood at the bus station? Things like that.

I would get all amped up, end up giving him one word answers to every question he asked, be pissed off that we didn’t do anything “good,” and eat a disappointing meal I couldn’t wait to get home from.

Why didn’t I ever just ask my Dad what he was doing?

The third story - Last Saturday we went out with some friends to celebrate 2 birthdays, mine and my friend Renee’s.

While we were out I was talking to another friend and she stopped and asked me: “How are you doing?”

I could tell that she really wanted to know how I was, my mental state, my life condition if you will, so I paused, thought about it and said: “You know, I’m doing really good.”

She said: “I can tell. You seem a lot happier lately.”

We talked a little more about things that were happening, jobs, family, such... but I in the back of my mind, and still today apparently I keep coming back to that. What does “You seem a lot happier lately” mean?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad my friend noticed that. I’m glad I’m showing folks I’m as happy as I am. Still, as it has been quite some time since I was unhappy I’m wondering what has changed.

How have I changed?

So there you have it - Three stories rolling through my head -all with what I think are pretty significant questions - not seemingly related, but somehow I think they are.

Can you help me figure it out?