Be Happy Where You Are... Part 1

A little series here as I’m on vacation with lots of time to ponder.

Here’s the first installment...

I often think we make things too complicated in our  world. We never seem to be satisfifed with what we have, where we are. We're always on the lookout for ways to get ahead, to make ourselves better, to change things, to... well just be different.

Here's my question

What's wrong with where we are?

I was at breakfast with an old friend a few weeks ago. He's seen a fair share of trials and tribulations in the last few years, but I could tell as we were talking that he's come to a place where he is finally - happy.

We talked a great deal about what's been going on in our lives, family, kids, jobs, and such. When we were finished he said: "I'm just happy where I am you know. 'Be happy where you are, that's all that matters.'"

It struck me that I feel very much the same way. I've spent sooooooo much time over the last few years trying to change, to adjust, to get better. It's all chronicled here, over and over, time after time...

But lately?

Not so much.

In March of this year I stepped on the scale. The number I'm ashamed to say was a whopping 210 pounds. I know there are bigger numbers, people who weigh more, but at all of 5' 7" - 210 is a pretty big number. I admit I walked around in shock for a few hours that day, trying to convince myself that it didn't mean anything. After all, I had been gaining weight for quite sometime. I've talked before here about weighing 202. Obviously, that didn't bother me as much as I thought it did - Because now I weighed 210.

Now, if you ask me I'll tell you, but I'm not going to break down all the hows  and whys today. I will share that there's an app called "myfitnesspal," that I owe a debt of gratitude for showing me that the best diet is paying attention to what you're putting into your body and trying to get some exercise. (I also owe a great deal of gratitude to my wife, but you knew that if you are paying attention.)

I am aware that life isn't all about fitness levels, but I have to tell you - Feeling healthy - sure makes the rest of life a heckuva lot easier to tackle. But we can talk about that another time.

Today - I tip the scales some 30 pounds lighter (pre-vacation - although I'm trying to keep it sensible) and though I've more to go, I'm happy - where I am.

Because the lesson is - If you're not happy where you are...

Um, maybe you should find a way to get there.

Writing today from the Isle of Palm, and happy where I am.

Resolved for Dummies

As I paddled backwards I watched Netter working on her reel and line and realized that for the first time, in pretty much ever, I was going to have to do this myself.

Patiently, I maneuvered the canoe so it angled just so. Quietly I put down my paddle and picked up my rod. A quick side arm flick of the wrist putting my line exactly where I knew he was...

Pow, the fish grabbed my artificial worm and started to swim.

Furiously I started to reel him in, then remembered that I needed to be more patient and not let him jump, or otherwise find a way to pull away from my line... and there he was.

As I put down my fishing pole and pulled the fish from the water I could see that he wasn’t all that special. Average size, not all that big, not even as big as two I had caught the day before actually, but there was a difference.

I didn’t wait for Netter to help paddle me into position, or wait for her to say: “Good cast Honey,” to know I had gotten it right. I had put all the lessons of our 19 previous trips to Akita, everything Ranger Annette, (as we only half jokingly call her) and her Dad had taught me, grabbed opportunity by the hand and I just caught it. I mean I just did it.

You know... like the Nike commercial.

Incredible satisfaction, the only one of my fish we took a picture of the whole weekend in fact.

Today, I am focusing on that as we mark the 18th anniversary of the passing of our daughter Meghan Joy.

I’m reflecting a lot on past and current successes and wondering why sometimes it takes me so long to learn.

Just do it Jim!

In February of last year I let loose my rant of a lifetime...

Because I wasn’t getting anything done.

For the remainder of 2011 I tried to “get stuff done.”

I had my three words and I tried to stick to those, but as 2012 approached I realized that I wasn’t going to accomplish everything I had set out to in 2011, and I needed to find more time, to get stuff done.

I’ve held off talking about it here because I didn’t want to have yet another - New Year’s or Lenten resolution, reflection, good gawd you’re making me gag with all this mushy, gushy life is too short, fulfill your dreams blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH... and so on...

But as I sit here today and think about Meghan Joy, the Foundation we have established in her memory, and the children we have helped because of her with our golf tournament and bowling outing, I can’t help but think about how important it is to actually DO things.

After I did that little time study last year I started doing things. Instead of finding systems, and books, and ways to get organized and accomplish more, and blah, blah, blah... I just started doing things.

This pile - where does it go? Move it!
That pile - what do I need to do with that? Do it!
That phone call. That letter. Make it. Send it.

Just do it.

It still becomes quite a process sometimes, and I admit that I still overthink things, and I am very guilty of finding tasks that “need to be done,” to replace tasks that “really need to be done.” (I call this cleaning the junk drawer, a theory derived from this article by one of my favorite writers.)

Still, I’ve been steadily pecking away at things, finding the most success with getting healthy - which I thought would actually be the most difficult of the 3 words I wanted to tackle. (Or maybe getting healthy is cleaning out my junk drawer.)

I've been working on it since March 12 because I was supposed to start working with a trainer that day, but hurt my knee. I had to rehab it anyway so I stuck to the diet part of the deal and started with work in the hot tub, then walking, skating, onto the elliptical, and a new obsession with biking. I just told the trainer I would probably not be back because I really enjoy the cardio work I’ve been doing, although I really do get a lot from being on his email list with the fitness information he shares. I must confess I don’t agree with all of it, but I am learning and also remembering a lot from when I worked out as a young person.  

I've done something every day since with a couple of exceptions. I took the first weekend of March Madness off to spend time with buddies doing what buddies do when they are watching basketball. Would not have been a pretty calorie count, although I did cut out the fried food, pizza, and such after day 1. I also sometimes cheat on Saturdays and depending what I'm doing that can get a little out of hand. I'm coming into this with an open mind trying to learn and make changes that will be long term. As of today I’m proud to report I’ve lost 15 pounds and I’m halfway to my goal.

In the meantime, aside from the health kick I’m just doing the work. It takes me away from the blog and some other mediums more than I’d like, but in the long haul I think it will make for more quality in all areas of my life.

I am resolved to make it so.

Stuff...

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, okay for at least the last few weeks, about accumulation.

Maybe it’s because it is the season for accumulating. Maybe it’s the boxes and boxes... and boxes and boxes... and boxes and boxes...

And did I mention boxes? … of Christmas stuff Netter puts up to decorate each year.
(I like to tease her, but the truth is I really love the holiday decor. Shhh... don’t tell her. ;-)

It might be the lists that propagate this time of year. Grocery lists, guest lists, gift lists, lists for Santa and the like

Perhaps, it is because it’s that time of year when we all get together with our families, when we are reminded of our roots, of things that we learned as kids, traditions, stories, the evolution of ourselves, likes, dislikes, new likes, new dislikes... and you know … the like.
(last time, I promise)

For some one supposes a little more inventory is taken when we are inside all winter. Perhaps we notice more the number of material possessions we, (Hey, I’m saying we. Go with it.) tend to gather to our nests. Boxes upon boxes, closet full upon closet full, drawer upon drawer, pile on the desk upon pile on the desk.

For me it could be based on observing our oldest K, home from her first quarter at school, bringing with her a large accumulation of laundry among other things. How did she fit all that in that dorm room?

But I digress...

As I think about all of this stuff I wonder how it all comes together, seemingly without our knowing it is even happening. A lifetime of experience, and junk all rolled into one... Or do we know? Do we choose to ignore the stuff? Do we embrace the stuff?

I’m talking about some important stuff here.

It’s not always a bad thing - At our MJB Foundation board meeting last week I remarked that we had never really had a “business plan, “ that we had sort of hodged and podged and cut and pasted and put it altogether without ever really planning on what was happening next. Outside of our events we’re not always sure what’s happening, what’s going on... from one moment to the next and while some of that is circumstance the fact remains that  we are still helping kids, helping children experience the JOY of childhood. Don’t get me wrong, we are trying to find better ways, to plan better, to streamline and regulate, but while not knowing is sometimes frustrating it doesn’t take away from the fact that we have done some good along the way, and we should celebrate that success even as we try and improve for the future.

But there area also times when the junk piles up, when the stuff is overwhelming, when we don’t want to go, or don’t want to relate, or don’t want to deal with that... at least not right now.

Still you have to get there somehow....

But again, how does this stuff get here? How did it manage to accumulate without us even noticing? Does life go so fast, do the years fly by so quickly that we can manage to miss so much even when we think we are taking note of everything? Or did we notice after all?

Is it poor planning, good planning, a mistake, a success?

I’m not assigning a value here. I’m really just wondering... How does it all come together, how do we ease the flow, stem the change (charge?), let loose the tide...

Oh wait, that’s another blog post - or is it? (Did I mix up my metaphors?) Are we perhaps more in control than we realize? I mean, I know I make my own decisions.

Right Honey? ;-)

Seriously, I suspect we all have stuff, at least to a varying degree...


I wonder what might happen, how it would look, if we took it all away?

Time

You hear it all the time, (heh).

“If I only had more time...”

What?

I spent a lot of time this summer clearing things off my plate. It’s no secret that I have been doing a lot of reflecting, wondering about the “whys” of so many things in my life, and there has always been one consistent.

I am too friecking busy.

Or so I thought...

So, starting in the Spring I began to really look at what exactly was keeping me busy. As we progressed into summer I gave a few projects back, crossed a few things off the list that didn’t really need to get done, or just didn’t hold the same promise that they did when originated and started well, saying “no” sometimes.

I’m not going to lie, the last was the hardest. I don’t like to say no. It feels selfish. It feels wrong. It feels like I don’t want to help people, and that is not me.

But as a friend said to me recently, and Chris Brogan talked about here a few weeks ago saying yes too early or too often has its own set of ramifications.  If you’re working on too many things at once it’s hard to do them all well and then... Well then what are you selling?

Even with that - I felt overwhelmed.

I started to be really guarded with my free time, spending most of it with just family and a select group of friends. I wasn’t shutting anybody out per se, but I was making sure I was doing things that I “wanted” to do.

In August, eager to be rid of my Blackberry I wiped the phone completely clean as soon as I activated my new Droid. Oops!

So many notes tied to so many to do lists were obliterated. I had checked for contacts and pictures, but forgotten completely about all of the other info I had stored in that device.

As I considered the ramifications of this it began to dawn on me that it might actually be a good thing. I knew of only a couple of the things on that list that were “mission critical,” and as I remembered them I jotted them down. The rest... I left to history.

Still, I felt so busy.

If I just had more time...

So a couple weeks ago I started to try and really pay attention to how I was spending my time.

Here’s what I discovered.

Ready?

I waste a LOT of time.

I’m not going to break it down into a lot of intricate detail, but suffice to say that I spend large parts of my days paying attention to details that don’t necessarily lead to getting things done. Not all of it is bad or negative, but it became clear that it was definitely time to figure out what was more important...

The to do list and the stress of not having enough time, or just being comfortable being me?

I think the answer is really a little of both, but for the most part I’m opting for the latter. So, I’ll be revisiting my pockets and looking at what’s left of the to do list and trying to have a lot less stress about the whole process.

I think making sure I can do a few things well instead of a lot of things half-assed, (as my Dad would say) is a better plan in general, and a goal worth working on long term, a goal that will give me more time, or at least help me spend my time better. 

What are you working on?

Enough

Be forewarned - this is not your usual Jimmer post.

No, today I’m a little warm, a little hot around the edges, a little well, exasperated. No, actually I’m just a touch pissed off, and baby I’m here to rant.

I came into January this year with great intentions. I’m not a big resolution guy, but I’m also tired of seemingly always talking about and thinking about the same changes I need to make in my life. So, as January dawned on this year of our Lord 2011 I was pretty psyched to tackle some action items and make some real changes, some real adjustments, and... and...

It’s February 1st and I don’t feel like I have accomplished one damn thing, and I’ve only got one thing to say about it.

Ready?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

Alright I almost feel better. Thank you.

Now, I’m not going to be  deterred. I am going to stay on track I am going to make those major changes THIS YEAR! I will talk about all of them and about my assessment in the coming days. I will roll it all out there and keep working, but I had to take this pause, this moment. I just got back to some kind of normal yesterday and while I spent the day hunkered down, being comfy in my fav sweatshirt I also resolved that it would be the last day I would let weirdness even think about being in charge. I am in control, and I am tired of screwing around. Last night when I got home, I got back to work and I’m staying on that path.

I just need a couple things:

I need my dog to be healthy. He is the best, smartest, most communicative dog I have ever had. Hey Big Man upstairs or whoever is in charge - Mulligan didn’t do anything to you. If  you are pissed at me, take it out on me, but please stop fucking with my dog. Can I say that? Well, I just did.

I need to stop being free.

From now on outside of my house there are only a handful of people who get free tech support from Jimmer’s computer shop. They are My Mother-In-Law, My good friend’s parents who are a lot like my parents and / or have at least shared and taught me that much, and my nephew because he listens to what I tell him about his computer and doesn’t say “Can you help me fix this? You’re doing it wrong.” Everybody else,  pony up. No more free. No more 12 packs paying for 2+ years of tech support, no more of me making time during the middle of the week when I am busy as hell and then having the shit break the next flipping day anyway, and then when I say “what happened?” you go “I don’t know.” I can’t work with that. The computer just didn’t suddenly start or stop doing something. You want to use the Force when you’re using your computer that’s fine. I am not  Obi Wan Kenobi and you are not Luke fuckin Skywalker. You want me to help you? Pony up! Somewhere between $70 and $150 bucks an hour depending how bad you broke that shit. Not my problem. Sorry. You need another solution - Go find Yoda and see if his ass might be available.

Speaking, (pun intended) of not being free - I’m somehow, (happily) booked into 3 speaking gigs this spring and while I appreciate the opportunity and love to speak with an audience I also think these will be the last 3 that are free. These folks gave me my chance(s) and got me going so I’m not going to change up now and charge them or be anything but grateful to them for letting me come speak, but - I’m not giving anymore away after this. I don’t know how much it will cost,  probably more than tech help but less than a family of 4’s monthly grocery bill. Building talks takes time and resources that I just don’t have to give away anymore. I love that folks value my experience and abilities. I just can’t keep giving things away. Is that selfish? Probably.

Sorry.

If I may, I do have a couple more. Hey, I said it was a rant.

Here we go...

Stop mailing me shit I didn’t ask for. I don’t just toss. If you sent it to me I am foolish enough to think it might have some value. Of course I’m finding out most of it doesn’t have any value at all and it is pissing me off.

As such, I’ve got new mail rules.

If I owe you - mail me. If I know you - mail me. If you owe me - mail me. If you want to play, (MJB related) mail me.

Everybody else - Knock that shit off.

Politicians - don’t send me a list of crap you think you did or you think the other guy didn’t. I read the news everyday - pretend I’m Missouri and show me. Thanks.

Advertisers - You want to sell me your stuff? I am plugged in probably 15 - 20 hours a day. Go where I am. Wow me! Be newsworthy. You can pretend I’m Missouri too. Just get the hell out of my mailbox.

And while I’m at it - stay off my phone. Don’t call me unless you absofuckinglutely have to. I HATE the phone. 5 email accounts feed into my Blackberry - use one of ‘em. Text me. Let me know you want to get together and talk in person, maybe over a beverage - I’m in. Don’t call me to talk on the damn phone. While you’re figuring out how to say goodbye - most of us have accomplished at least 6 or 7 other meaningful things.

I like to talk to one person on the phone. I married her.

Don’t misunderstand. I love people. I just hate the damn phone.

Finally, I’ve got one that’s kinda work related.

If I’m helping somebody else, Wait.Your.Fuckin’Turn. My name is not “Excuse me.” You are not more important than the person I am helping. You are just being rude. Knock.It.Off!

Whew!

As I read those above paragraphs a part of me is proud and a part of me is appalled, but here’s the thing - at some point you have to worry about taking care of you. My family and I sacrifice a ton of time together. I sacrifice a lot of free time to do things for people for free and I just can’t do that anymore.

It’s not really about money. It is however about feeling valued, about feeling like more than just “a nice guy.” Hell, I’ll admit it; it’s about feeling some sense of self worth.

Probably all very selfish, but yeah I feel better. I’m tired of treading water and always saying I’m gonna. I’m tired of wasting time. I need to find out if there is something else, if there is something more. I need to actually accomplish something before it’s too late, and I need some time to do it.

Fair enough?

Seems like its about damn time doesn’t it?

Or did the rant just piss you off? Be honest. I can take it.

Pockets

Recently I decided that I have too many to do lists. Not wanting to just let anything go though I decided that I needed a place to collect everything, kind of a brain dump if you will. This was partly because of my summer of rumination and partly because I had run into a couple of conflicts, particularly with my schedule and I found myself saying: “I need to learn to say no.” When Netter agreed with me, I knew I was onto something.

Before I started saying no however, I thought it would only be fair if I at least tried to keep the commitments and obligations I already have in place.

Wow! What a list I found for myself. A lot of ticky tac stuff, some big projects, some projects whose time had passed - the assessment was formidable.

Just look -

 
No, my handwriting is not worth a lick, but I can at least read my own chicken scratch.

How on earth could I ever even dream about catching up and changing my workflow?

What is it Major Winchester used to say on M.A.S.H. ? (Kinda dated myself there didn’t I?)

I do one thing at a time. I do it very well, and then... I move on.

Um, no that won’t work either... That means some folks have to wait longer than others which might be okay most of the time, but not when you’re already playing catchup.

Okay - I need to designate time. I’m calling that time pockets.

Each category or project will have a pocket. Currently there are 6. This is how I’m lining them up. I have a very big, very important project I have to finish first, but as soon as that is finished - these are my pockets.

1. MJB Foundation work - 2 hours every Tuesday until caught up, then every Tuesday thereafter as necessary - at least during down (non-event) times. So, yes this will be very much like regular business hours and if you have something MJB Foundation related you want to discuss, the office opens at 6:30 p.m.

2. Work projects - every Monday - while I’m fresh - could be Network Logix, Library or other career-related activities - anything that moves me forward in the professional realm. I’ve got an awesome family and friends. It’s high time I find my career.

3. Special projects - currently busy with a college football related activity. That comes on Wednesdays until bowl season is up.

4. Writing, blogging prep, (not to be confused with actual blogging which can happen any day.) Social Media maintenance is on Thursdays. Learning to pick my spots better - i.e. I don’t need to sign up for every service and I need to be conscientious about pulling myself off of the platforms I don’t use. Finding time to read and comment on other people’s work and digging my way through hundreds, maybe thousands, (years - yes plural) worth of favorites and must-reads and not letting that all get piled up again are among my other priorities in this area. This medium is very important to me. I think it is worth its own pocket.

5. Fridays and Saturdays are time for family and friends. Time to be social away from the computer screen. If you see me post something on Saturday or Sunday it probably came from my phone. I don’t want to completely miss the conversation on the weekend, but I need to fuel those real-life relationships too.

6. Sundays are time for family and family business.

Now, this doesn’t mean I won’t do other things on those days, but it does mean that I will devote some pocket of time on each of those days to each of those things, and for right now - those are the only things I’m working on on a regular basis. Does that seem fair? Exclusionary? Am I over thinking this?

Hey, a fella has to have a plan.

Doesn’t he?

What do you think? What are your pockets? Do you have a better or different idea?

Push Yourself

This is the last of 3 videos I shot while were at Camp Akita earlier this month. (I promise) I have to confess that I really didn't know how, or in what context I would use this until Sunday night. Even I sometimes think I'm beating a dead horse with my wheel spinning. (How 'bout that for two cliches in one sentence?)

Looking at my schedule for this week I discovered that I have no deadlines. As we've discussed previously, I need deadlines to get work done. But, I do still have that to-do list and I don't want to just waste a whole week, (plenty of stuff due next week). So - as the popular commercial slogan goes. It's time to just do it. I need to push myself. I need to be the turtle.  This will work. Right?

Eh, if nothing else it is really pretty scenery.



If you can't see the video click here.

The truth is for the most part this has been working for me this week. Just have to keep it going. Keep on keeping on as they say...

The Wisdom of the Turtle

When is the last time you saw a turtle?

Okay, everybody except you outdoors types, the city kids if you will.

Think about it...

Annette and I saw several turtles on our camping and fishing trip last weekend.  

One fella was kind enough to let Netter take several pics, some from as close as 3 or 4 feet away. He was almost posing.
(photo credit to Netter)

Because we were so close, it is odd that he would stay still for so long for us to take his picture, but not so odd to see a turtle on a lake.

But wait...

On Monday, I saw a turtle trying to cross one of the main roads on my way to work. A 4 lane highway and this turtle was far enough into my lane that I had to swerve to avoid him. The car behind me swerved too. I don't know what happened after that. I thought about going back and moving the turtle off the road, but ultimately I didn't think that would dissuade him from going where he thought he needed to go. If anything, my pushing him back would be nothing more than a delay in his trip.

(Care to join me for a little side trip here.)

On Tuesday, legendary Detroit Tiger radio announcer Ernie Harwell passed away.

Ernie was an integral part of my young life. For a variety of reasons my family moved a lot when I was a kid. I went to 3 different kindergartens, 2 different second grades, switched to Catholic schools after 3rd grade, moved from Redford, Michigan to Lima, Ohio after 5th grade and to Grove City, Ohio after my freshman year in high school. For those of you who are counting that's 9 different schools. I had to make new friends a lot, which as we all know is not always the easiest thing to do.

Ernie Harwell was my constant companion. In those days not all the games were on television. Heck, we only had 4 channels for most of my young life. If we were lucky we got one Tiger game, (when we lived in Michigan) and one NBC Game of the Week each week.

But Tiger games were always on the radio on Superstation WJR 760 out of Detroit in those days and Ernie was always there to be my friend, to make me feel at ease. I felt like I was at home.

I met Ernie once before a ball game at Tiger Stadium. He was walking across the infield grass during batting practice and I was sitting in the stands directly in his view. "Ernie, Ernie, um - Mr. Harwell, Mr. Harwell." I shouted, remembering my manners at the very last minute. "Alright Son, I'm coming," he said, and that's all I remember. I was in shock. Ernie Harwell had talked directly to me. He signed my program, which I still treasure to this day, and went on his way up to the press box. A brief moment with a legend I feel privileged to have and to treasure.

(Back on track)

Before the beginning of every baseball season Ernie Harwell would recite "The Song of The Turtle" passage from Song of Solomon.

"For, lo, the winter is past,the rain is over and gone;
the flowers appear on the earth;
the time of the singing of birds is come,
and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land."

I had heard this in passing, but as I didn't listen to a lot of spring training ball games I had never actually heard Mr. Harwell in his recitation until I found this video on YouTube today.



Still, as I read about Ernie and studied his history as I am wont to do when someone famous dies I kept running across this passage, and Ernie's history with it all day Wednesday and Thursday.

Today I watched the library's Summer Reading Club promo video. And... you guessed it, another turtle.



"What the heck is with all the turtles?" I wondered.

Finally, today when I ran across this post from Seth Godin on Quieting the Lizard Brain, or that part of us that makes it so difficult to do what we say we are going to do...a lightbulb went off.

I thought about that turtle last weekend who let us take his picture, even posed for us because he wanted to be in the sun. We didn't phase him. I thought about that turtle on Monday who was going to cross that street because he needed to, he wanted to, 2000 pound vehicles be damned. I thought about the turtle and his song that he sings every spring without fail because it is a part of who he is, and I considered that the turtle in the clip I saw today was there to smack me in the head and make me think about the wisdom of the turtle.

Unwavering, steadfast in his determination, and committed to the task at hand. There are no doubts. There are no second thoughts. The turtle just moves forward and keeps on going.

Quite a contrast to the lizard brain. I've had plenty of lizard brain moments in my life. Too many to count, and the more I thought about this I realized that I have found most of my success when I have been the turtle moving forward without hesitation.

Slow and steady wins the race.

What do you think?