Ever Wonder?

This is my second post in a row that wasn't what I had planned on writing about. Today, I had planned to share recipes and stories about the food that Netter has been talking about in her updates to folks letting them know how her recovery has been going. I'm going to put that one off for now and talk about something that happened last night.

The world lost a great champion when Stefanie Spielman passed away yesterday. As often happens when such things occur, I became consumed in the task of finding more and more information about Stefanie. I've always been a big Chris Spielman fan so I knew about Stefanie's fight against breast cancer, but I didn't know all the details, all the stories behind the stories that I found in my research last night. One quote keeps coming back to me today.

In the diary she kept during her first bout with cancer in 1998 Stefanie wrote:

"I do not feel sorry for myself. I do not wish this would have happened to anyone else, I pray I grow stronger with each passing day."

I cannot imagine a greater faith, a greater courage, a greater moment of selflessness. Really, that's what Stefanie's life was about.

God took her anyway.

I'm not afraid to say that I looked up last night and said: "Why?"

I know, nobody can explain why bad things happen to good people. Nobody can explain a lot about what happens in this world, and really a lot of it doesn't make any sense at all.

Ever wonder who makes these rules?

Yeah, me too.

RAGE - Whatever... Shut up Jimmer

A week ago today my lovely wife had outpatient surgery to repair an incisional hernia. She scheduled the surgery ahead of time. Her doctor told her she would be up and about, ready to return to work in 5-7 days. Netter went back to work yesterday. Her recovery is going well. She has an appointment with her doc for a follow-up exam tomorrow afternoon. It seems rather routine from a rational perspective, but the last week has been anything but routine, and in many ways I have been anything but rational.

I have to be honest here and share that today's post was on its way to being a rant about all the things that I think are wrong about Hospitals, and Doctors, and Nurses, and outpatient surgery, and projected recovery times, and boy I was ready to just let loose...

And then - My pocket (Blackberry) buzzed. I had a message. I had received an email update about our friend Harrison.

Suddenly I felt very small. Suddenly all the things that seemed like a big deal to me, just weren't anymore.

Harrison is one of the kids Netter took care of when she did daycare. He is D's age. He's a great kid, and he has Leukemia. You can read about him here.

Yeah, my wife had surgery. At most, her recovery will take about six weeks. For the most part - our lives will return to normal.

Harrison has been battling Leukemia for the last year. He has been in and out of the hospital. He has had a stroke. He has endured spinal taps, and treatments that have made him physically ill. He is in the hospital right now with an ear infection. The hope is that he'll be able to go home tomorrow.

All of what I think my family and I are going through, all the trials and tribulations that are really just inconveniences all seem rather trivial.

In the past week I've had moments where I just felt this rage welling up inside of me, and now I just feel well, silly. Beyond the things that are necessary for my wife to feel better, to heal, to not have to push that hernia back into her belly, the rest just seems superfluous.

So, I'll spare you the details of our (really just) different week. I'll set aside my rant. I'll take the perspective gained from a buzzing pocket, and be happy with what I've got. A wife on the mend, and a happy healthy family.

For that, I am grateful.

Wherever you are, whatever you do please do me a favor and throw up a prayer, or a thought, or a wish, whatever you got for our friend Harrison.

He's good people.

Baby Sydney

We received a message this morning that our brother-in-law's niece died in her sleep last night.

She was 5 months old.

I know.

I've been walking around stunned for the last 4 hours or so. I'm on the verge of tears, had a hard time eating lunch, and my body is just out of kilter.

No parent should have to bury their child. I believe it is one of the cruelest things our Lord allows to happen.

Pretty frustrated with the man upstairs right now, but unfortunately that doesn't mean he's gonna be providing answers any time soon.

Sometimes we just have to find them through faith.

Not a day goes by that I don't miss our Meghan Joy, that I don't wonder what might have been. I have all the physical and practical answers, but I'll never really know why.

No one can.

Not long ago, I reconnected with an old friend who had also lost a child, and I could tell that she hadn't really come to terms, that she didn't know what to expect. She wanted some answers, some closure.

I reached out to her, and told her that there is no right way, no time table, and no formula for dealing with the grief of losing a child.

It is a pain you can never know unless you have experienced it yourself. It's a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It is a wound that may not heal.

But it is not the end, and it can be overcome. Eventually we all find a way to survive. As Netter is fond of saying - "That which does not kill me makes me stronger."

I'm sure that's the last thing Sydney's parents would want to hear right now. I don't know them very well, but I have met them. They are a wonderful young couple. My heart aches for them today.

I know that one of the things that helped us the most was the support we felt from our friends, from our community, from people who would reach out to us and tell us they understood.

Today, if I may I'd like to ask all of you to look up, around, over above and through whatever you do and say a prayer for Baby Sydney and for her parents, that they may find peace.