We Are All Good at Something

Some of you have heard this one, but I need to share it again today.

I once took my brother in law for a ride in the only new car I've ever owned. (Long time ago)

"What kind of engine does this have in it?" he asked.

I quickly replied: "A black one."

"Really," he said "How do you know?"

"Well because I opened the hood and looked and it's black." "Oh wait," I stopped myself. "It's a V6."

Laughing he replied: "How do you know that?"

"Because there's a sticker on the side that says V6, and I know that has something to do with engines."

I often tell this story at the end of the basic computing classics I teach when my students are telling me they still don’t think they can do it, or they feel inadequate, or they’re still clearly afraid, for lack of a better word.

I stop them and I ask them if they have something that they are good at. Of course, they always reply yes, and I tell them that everybody has something they are good at, something they can do better than other folks, and the reason is because they need to / want to do that, and in this day and age, they will probably need to or want to do something, eventually, that will require a computer and then they will have buy in.

I then tell the story above finishing by sharing with them then that once I started paying for auto repair I had a reason to know more about engines. Save for replacing a battery and basic things like wiper blades and tail lights I never did learn to repair cars,  but I can tell the difference between when my alternator is going bad, and when my thermostat is stuck, and I know there’s no such thing as a “wobble shaft.” At least I think there’s no such thing as a wobble shaft. ;-)

In general, they get it, and they walk away smiling,  feeling good about being good at something which hopefully will give them confidence to go on and learn new things, and improve themselves.

We all are good at something. Say it with me. Say it out loud.

I think, and I’m seeing a lot lately everybody spending so much time focusing on what they need to do, and what they can’t do, or don’t think they are capable of doing... and I wonder why instead of focusing on the can’t, they don’t focus on the “how can I learn?” or “Who do I know that can teach me / help me?”

We were all put here together for a reason.

You know, it’s just a thought.

Have a good weekend!

Taking Care of My Kids

Mr. Wright,

I'm going to begin by asking that you not send me the "canned response," and you not refer to what happened with your school's football team and the Westland High School Band as a mix-up.

This was not a mix-up. This was a blatant disregard for the rules. You know it, and I know it.

I still cannot believe that with more than 3 minutes left during halftime the Liberty football team actually  came onto the field while the band was still performing and refused to leave...even after their coach was asked by both the Westland band staff and the athletic director. (photo credit to Julie Prater)

In fact your coaching staff essentially told our band directors as well as parents in the press box, who were counting raffle money, that they didn't care that they were breaking the rules.

Did they also not care that children's safety was in danger? Two band members were kicked. That's two too many.

One wonders what your reaction might have been if your football players had pushed the wrong tuba player to the brink? That's a pretty heavy instrument.

Do you comprehend where this could go wrong on so many levels?

I learned afterward that the Liberty football team has a reputation of doing this repeatedly. REPEATEDLY? even to your own band at times.

That is wrong! An immediate, and unequivocal apology should be issued by every coach, and every administrator in your building to every band it has shown this type of disrespect.

I have friends whose children attend Olentangy Liberty. Their kids are good kids. I am confident that the kids on the football team are probably good kids just doing what they were told.

I am not, however as confident in the goodness of your coaching staff, or frankly in you sir with the copied and pasted response referencing a "mix-up."I have seen you give to many, MANY concerned parents.

It's a sad day when the adults are the ones who need to learn the lesson.

Please do the right thing here and apologize, and have your coaching staff apologize with assurance that this will not happen in the future. Don't apologize to me. Apologize to the Westland Band, every single member and director.

It is my understanding that several media outlets have been copied on many of these emails. One can only hope that at the very least the threat of bad publicity will compel you to do what is right.

Sincerely,

Jim Brochowski
Westland Band Booster Treasurer

Be Happy Where You Are... But GO When You Need To...

Today I am returning for my 3rd week back to work since vacation. I cannot lie, at the end of last week I was tired. It had been a challenging week, long days, surprise assignments, stressful... and yet -

I still feel rejuvenated enough from my vacation that today, (admittedly after a long weekend) I am ready to jump back into the fray.

And?

Well I haven't told anybody, (except my wife) this, but I really thought about not going on that vacation. I thought I had so much "stuff" to do that I should stay home - do a little "staycation" and get some things done around the house instead.

Yes, that would have been colossally stupid.

To Netter's credit she let me decide on my own to go ahead and go on vacation. She reminded me as much when I thanked her as we walked down the beach. "I didn't say anything," she said. "I just told you I was going, and sort of let you figure it out on your own."

Ah... That wise wife of mine.

I hadn't been to the ocean in 10 years. It will not be 10 more. We hadn't taken a vacation of consequence in 3 years. It will not be 3 more. The time away means too much. The time with family is everything. The time experiencing different things and finding new day to days cannot be measured.

I've talked before here about over extending yourself, and needing a break. I needed that break this time whether I knew it or not.

I'm glad "I" figured it out.

Home from the Isle of Palms, and still Happy Where I am.

A Birthday Mystery

As I reflect today on 43 years on God’s green earth three stories keep rolling through my mind. I’m not sure exactly how they are connected, but I have a feeling they are, and I’m fairly certain I’m supposed to figure it out. Maybe you can help me?

(Note* The first two stories are things I don’t talk about very often, and many do not know. If you’re not looking for that much knowledge about me well, you’ve been warned.)

The first story - When I was 3 my Mom got divorced, and while I know there are different sides to every story and details I probably wasn’t aware of, the fact of the matter is that my biological father was largely absent from my life from that point forward. There were some visits. There was some contact, but what I remember most is that he would cancel visits often, show up very late, and sometimes not at all - and his new wife is one of 3 things I’ve had nightmares about in 43 years. She was just not a nice person. His stepsons were no walks in the park either.

So it’s understandable I think that after awhile I became detached, and eventually I just got pissed off and said I didn’t really give a damn, and I didn’t.

The last time I remember seeing Wayne, his name is Wayne - was the Christmas of what must have been 1978. I remember the year because it is part of the story. You see Wayne asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and with my “I don’t give a damn attitude,” I decided to go pie in the sky and ask for all the things I really wanted - top 3 on my list.

I wanted a rocket, a whole box of hockey cards, and a television set, and when I showed up for Christmas at my Grandmother’s (Wayne’s mother), I got exactly those 3 things and that was the last Christmas I spent any time with Wayne.

The rocket went back to his farm where we were “going to” set it off together. The hockey cards were combined with the rest of my card collections, played with and eventually sold when I was 19 or so because I was short on cash.

I still have the television. It still has the sticker that says 1978. It hasn’t been turned on in years. Even with a cable adapter it’s probably not even usable with all the new digital cable and such, but I cannot seem to let it go. I once put in on the truck at the thrift store, but immediately panicked and pulled it back. It was in our last garage sale, but I was relieved when no one bought it. Today, it sits with a collection of other garage sale items that have yet to be disbursed. I don’t know that it will be among those to go.

I don’t know why...

The second story - When I was 6 my Mom met and married a great guy who had no qualms whatsoever about her having kids. Instant family just add Rick, as a friend of mine would say. My Dad (Rick), wasn’t an instant father sensation, but he did pretty well for himself in the parent department and we grew very close. When I’m talking about my Dad, I’m talking about Rick. By the time I was 7 or 8 I was using Rick’s last name and when I was 14 he adopted me and I was officially his son.

My Dad is in Quality Control, which for folks who don’t know means - we moved a lot. QC folks can take one of 3 paths when they come into a new job. 1. They go into the company and tell the employees what they need to change, the employees balk - eventually the QC guy pisses off the wrong head honcho and they part ways. 2. The QC guy goes in, the employees adopt his methods, everybody loves everybody - The QC guy gets bored because there is nothing to fix. He stays with the company and retires pretty miserable. 3. The QC guys finds a new challenge at a new company, moves and the cycle continues.

My Dad chose the 3rd option so we moved a lot. Sometimes that was not as much fun as it sounds like.

Inevitably, at some point shortly after a move my Dad would notice that I wasn’t happy or I was sulking or I was bored or some other indicator he never shared with me, and we would head off on a Saturday morning car ride, and then to breakfast or brunch. Something like that. As an adult, I realize that my Dad was trying to get me to talk to him, to let him know how I was feeling, what was going on in my head, probably trying to determine if there was something he could fix.
As a kid, because my Dad would just say: “let’s go for a ride,” I always thought he had something up his sleeve. Were we going somewhere really cool? Were we picking up one of my friends from our old neighborhood at the bus station? Things like that.

I would get all amped up, end up giving him one word answers to every question he asked, be pissed off that we didn’t do anything “good,” and eat a disappointing meal I couldn’t wait to get home from.

Why didn’t I ever just ask my Dad what he was doing?

The third story - Last Saturday we went out with some friends to celebrate 2 birthdays, mine and my friend Renee’s.

While we were out I was talking to another friend and she stopped and asked me: “How are you doing?”

I could tell that she really wanted to know how I was, my mental state, my life condition if you will, so I paused, thought about it and said: “You know, I’m doing really good.”

She said: “I can tell. You seem a lot happier lately.”

We talked a little more about things that were happening, jobs, family, such... but I in the back of my mind, and still today apparently I keep coming back to that. What does “You seem a lot happier lately” mean?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad my friend noticed that. I’m glad I’m showing folks I’m as happy as I am. Still, as it has been quite some time since I was unhappy I’m wondering what has changed.

How have I changed?

So there you have it - Three stories rolling through my head -all with what I think are pretty significant questions - not seemingly related, but somehow I think they are.

Can you help me figure it out?

Brimming with...

You may have noticed that lately I’ve been trying to confront some things in my life and make some changes.

One of the things I don’t talk about much is my lack of... well, let’s call it bravado. That’s a nice enough word I suppose.

Pretty simply I don’t talk trash. I’m the guy that firmly believes that if you score a touchdown you hand the ball to the official, act like you’ve been there before and you plan on coming back again soon.

But what I’m learning as I begin to really break down some of my lack of professional success is that this can be a problem.

People ask me, “what do you do?”

“Oh, I work at the library.”

A long time ago, I got invited to an impromptu lunch with the then library director.

“What do you do Jim?”

“Oh, I work in Order Division.” (for all of 4 months)

“Yes, I know. But, what do you do?”

I don’t remember what I stammered out after that. I do, you know - stuff, I do my job. I earn my keep, but here’s the thing...

Even today, I just don’t think there’s anything all that remarkable about what I do.

“But Jim, think of the lives you’ve touched. Think of the impact you’ve had. 25 years is a long time. You don’t JUST work at the library.”

Or, I just took the easy road out and figured “Eh, I have a job. That’s good enough.”

“Jim you take difficult situations and turn them into learning opportunities.”

Really? Because I’m just trying to be helpful and keep things simple.

“Jim, you explain computers in a way that anyone could use one, and learn more about them.”

Really? Because I’m just teaching you the way I would want to be taught.

“Jim, think about the work you do with The MJB Foundation, the children and families you help.”

Okay, that’s something, but I also feel very selfish sometimes because in reality that’s just me keeping my daughter’s memory and spirit alive.

“Jim, you are a wonderful father, a terrific husband.”

Um, thanks I guess but as a father I’m just trying to keep things simple for my kids so they don’t hate their childhood, their teen years, so they’re prepared to go out into the world with values I think are important.

As a husband, I just try to remember that I married my best friend. Life happens and friends work through things to be better friends.

Last Sunday I went to an interview seminar / workshop and I learned unequivocally that the majority of my answers suck.

I had 2 watershed moments.

I talked about having once run my own kitchen table company doing end-user computer support for individuals.

Someone in the workshop said - “Don’t belittle that, (although Kitchen Table Company is kind of a buzzword right now more than anything) you’re an entrepreneur. Highlight that.”

Um, okay - But I feel like I kind of gave up on that, defeated by one customer who just wanted me to do it for her (sometimes the money is not worth it), plus the extra time away from home and Windows ME. (Not a pretty story, trust me.)

Okay, so those are some examples and I realize that my critics are spot on.

I do indeed suck at selling myself, at being confident. Some might say that while I’m confident in my work I still lack some level of self esteem.

Maybe...

So I posted something about that on my Facebook and Twitter status.

“Learning that while I know what I do, I don't sell it very well at all. This may not surprise everyone...”There were several responses, but these two particularly struck me: 

You didn't used to sell it very well. Start today doing something different...

Now that u know what u weren't doing well- DO IT! Don't dwell on it just change it.

I’m trying. I promise I’m trying. I’m not dwelling. I am learning. I’m being proactive, i.e. attending workshops, hiring job coaches, things like that. I’ve put in 12 hour days every day this week and included some (building) confidence work if you will.

It’s not as easy as it sounds in those replies, but I know it’s not impossible.

Here’s hoping anyway...

Pay Attention Daddy!

This is not my world.



If you can't see the video. Click here.

Sometimes things are difficult. Sometimes things are messy. Sometimes things are complicated. Sometimes we have to find ways to deal with difficult situations, and sometimes things are just flat out ridiculous, and all we can do is laugh.

But, we have to find a way to work through them.

Don't you think?

Or is it easier to say: "I don't know how."

That's not very self reliant, and it's not very productive.

When I was a kid and I needed to learn how to do something my Dad would very often point me in the right direction, but not always realize that sometimes folks like me need detailed instructions.

He would say: "Pay attention. It doesn't cost anything."

(It took me a long time to figure out what, exactly that meant, but when I did it served me well. Though - a note here to the fellas. Do not say "Pay attention. It doesn't cost anything" to your wife or significant other - EVER! You're welcome.)

While my Dad saying this could be frustrating and create a bit of a learning curve that didn't necessarily need to exist, it did help me become very detail oriented, it helped me learn to pay attention, it made me read signs, it made me read the directions, it helps me quite frankly to be able to read people.

Of course, I don't do all of these things all the time, but I am able to recognize when I need to revert back to these methodologies to get something done correctly.

Recently, I had one of these moments.

D needed to print something, but the printer was out of color ink. So, like my Dad might have done I told D to pull out the tray the printer sits on and open it up.

The problem being that she had never opened up the printer before, and I hadn't told her what "it" was...

"It's right there," I said. "Open it up! What do you think you need to do?"

A very confused D just stared at me. Netter rushed in to help D deal with me and the problem.

So I asked Netter: "Am I a bad Dad."

"You're not a bad Dad," she replied. "You just suck at home tech support."

Ouch!

Well, as tech support is essentially what I do for a living I needed to figure this out. What could I do differently next time?

Clearly, I needed to get back to my methods. So, I sought out D and apologized for not providing enough guidance and specific instruction. I told her I was sorry I had not read her reaction well enough, and I encouraged her to stop me next time and ask me for steps. I told her I would tell her sister to do the same so we were all on the same page.

The next day I found K and explained to her what had happened. I told her I'd clearly had a "Poppa moment," God love him and that while I had learned to learn from him and his gruff yet effective style I did not expect my girls to have to do the same.

"What would Poppa do to you?" K asked.

I could think of no specific example, but some 20 year old flashes ran through my brain and I came up with the following scenario.

"Well," I replied "Poppa liked to watch Star Trek, but when I needed help with my math homework he would come into the kitchen to help me go over a few steps and then tell me to get to it while he got back to watching the show.

It was all I could do not to yell out, Darn it Dad! Captain Kirk is gonna sleep with the Blue B****. That's how it ends. Now Get back in here and help me with my math homework."

What's that?

Yes, I said that out loud to my daughter, who of course then repeated it to her younger sister and all the while Netter was asking me if she could tweet that or Facebook it or something so everyone could laugh as hard as we were laughing.

I have no idea where that came from, but I'm glad I have teenagers who are old enough to know that I was really just trying to show them that I am human, I make mistakes and I understand so all they need to do is ask and I will listen and try and help.

As I told a buddy last night: "I think being a kid, being a teenager is one of the hardest things any of us ever has to do in this lifetime. If I can do something to help make it easier for my kids, as long as they cooperate and work with me, then I'm gonna do it."

Parents - what do you think?

*A final note for the Star Trek fans. I know Captain Kirk's fantasy woman is green. For some reason I thought blue. Phase me!

It's Personal - But It's Not Just Me...

For anyone who hasn't noticed, I've been dealing with a bit of writer's block. One thing I haven't shared is that part of this is because I've had some very personal things happening in the last month, and I was being more guarded than I had realized, or quite honestly planned on. I really didn't know why, until the last week or so, when I started to think about my next post.

For the first time in, well ever I was seriously thinking about how much I wanted to share.

I want to get back to the personal, talking about common experiences that affect us all that maybe not all of us are comfortable talking about, though we are comforted knowing we are not alone.

But, is my stuff too personal right now? Would I be revealing too much? How could I do that? Are there other people dealing with the same kinds of situations and dilemmas?

Then, I talked to a friend who let me know in so many ways that I indeed am not alone, and people can absolutely benefit from that discussion. I won't tell you who, but I will say a public "Thank you" to my friend. You know who you are.

In the end, I've got to be me. I've got to be out there. I think that discussion, the conversation is more important than worrying about someone knowing all about my life.

What do you think?

Hello..?

Last month Netter and I attended a tour of the recently renovated Thompson Library at The Ohio State University.

As we arrived, we recognized many of our library friends on the tour, and a few familiar faces that maybe we couldn't put with names, nodded and said hello and took our seats.

Before the introductory presentation I stopped at the refreshment table for some chips a healthy snack, and I was greeted by a very friendly lady who commented that those chips snacks looked delicious, and then she paused...

"You're Jim. right?"

I replied that I was, well am, well whatever, you know what I said.

"Oh, we're Facebook friends. I know all about your life."

She then introduced herself as being a fellow library staff member who worked at another location, and explained that she didn't post very much on Facebook, but did pay attention to what others posted.

She was really nice, and I was glad to meet yet another Facebook friend in person. My general rule of thumb for friending people is that we have to have some common interest, know a few of the same people, and maybe have some chance of connecting in real life somewhere down the road.

All of the above criteria were met, so it didn't surprise me that I was only meeting this Facebook friend for the very first time. I thanked her for introducing herself, and we went off on the tour.

As the evening progressed, and then more time passed I started to think about this interaction and what it could have meant, for example in conjunction with my Internet Safety project.

This time I met a very nice person with nothing but good intentions.

But, what about the next time? What if that person had said:

"WE'RE FACEBOOK FRIENDS. I.KNOW.ALL.ABOUT.YOUR.LIFE."

Well, that would have been a little bit different wouldn't it?

Of Bounce Houses and Ballpits...

On my way into work the other day I noticed that one of my neighbors has a Christmas bounce house in their front yard. I have to admit a part of me wants to stick it with a pin.

I know, kinda Scroogish, eh? Grinchish if you prefer even. At least that's what folks on Facebook & Twitter said when I asked about it.

Really though, there is a reason I have issues with bounce houses, and ball pits, trampolines, and even Christmas & New Years. (What? I had to stick to all inanimate objects?) It's pretty simple really.

I think they're all over-hyped things that end up, (with few exceptions) being HUGE disappointments. Dreams unrequited. Bitter tear-stained lists never completed. Injury upon injury. Crushing blow upon crushing blow...

Okay, maybe that's a little too dramatic. Let's break this down...

The first time I went into a bounce house I got stuck in a corner, couldn't get out and eventually had to actually be rescued feet first. The second time - an overcrowded mess. Nobody could jump.

But the third time... I had the bounce house all to myself. I could bounce to my heart's content. It was mine, all mine. Mwahahahahahaha!

Wait a minute:

Who wants to go in a bounce house alone?

BoooooooooRRRRiiinnnnnggggg!!!!!

Pretty similar experience with the ballpit. Only if you dive head first into the ballpit, and it's not really "full" enough as it were... Did you know that you could hit your head and maybe cause permanent brain damage?!!???!! Okay, maybe not permanent. (Would explain a lot though, eh? ;-)

Trampolines? Well, I ask you - How could anyone who has seen the movie Big ever think any ordinary trampoline could ever be worth their while?!? (And, oh by the way, why can't I find that scene on YouTube?) If you don't know the scene I'm talking about - go out and rent the movie.

Now!

You still here?

Moving on - Christmas? New Years? No, no. I don't have any detailed lists or stories. I've talked before about my issues with Christmas and New Years, and I think it's pretty clear that while I do have issues with certain areas of these two holidays, I also have come to terms with finding my own way to deal with them.

Huh?

Here's what I'm getting at.

If my 40th year was my year of inventory, then my 41st year has been my year of recognition. And the thing I've recognized the most is this:

Life is what you make of it.

You may have noticed I've been away from the blog and only found intermittently in the usual spots online in the past month or so. There's a few reasons for that, a few I'd rather not discuss, and a few I'm sure I'll discuss in the coming year. We're just gonna leave it at that for now.

As I review 2009, I'm recognizing that my life is a bit cyclical. Parts of that cycle are good. Parts of that cycle need to be changed. I need to make more of an effort to do that. So, that's where I'm going from here.

I need to find a way to adjust, to accept, to enjoy the bounce house and the ballpit, very much like I've come to terms with Christmas and New Years, and I cannot do it alone.

Wanna come with me?

What are you up to Jimmer?

Last week, very late Wednesday night I did something I have never done before. I asked specific people to go comment on my blog. Today, I want to thank everyone and explain my thought process a little bit.

Last Monday, I met with my friend Nate Riggs to talk about his affiliation with TeamBuilder Search. I am considering different career directions and I was intrigued by the possibilities there might be for me to work with Nate as part of his new endeavor. I also really wanted to talk to Nate because I think he's super smart, and has great ideas about taking advantage of our individual strengths.

During our discussion Nate and I started talking about Internet presence and I mentioned that I posted my girls' blogs to my network and community whenever they wrote something new. Nate gave me big props for that (Thanks, Nate!), and then an idea was born. (Thank you Nate for that too!)

I'm beginning work on building a base of information, outlines, something like that to use to present as a curriculum of sorts for kids' responsible use of the social web in particular. As this evolves I hope to find a way to share this information with kids and help them safely find their way through the maze of tools available. I love kids. I love to coach. I love to use social media. Why not coach kids in the best, and more importantly, the safest ways to use social media? Right?

On Monday, I put up a post talking about this new idea, and the feedback both public and private (from parents who didn't want to embarrass their kids or post too much about them in a public forum), was nothing but positive.

As the next step, I thought it would be a good idea to share this project with my family. I asked Netter and the girls to work on guest posts to talk about their thoughts on the subject. The girls are still working on their posts, but Netter finished hers, and I couldn't have been more thrilled. It was a perfect piece to kick off my project. Much better than anything I could have written, and exactly where I wanted to start things. I couldn't help but think: "More people have got to read this. This is really an important topic. I need to start a little buzz."

So, as Chris Brogan might say, I decided to spend a little social media capital and ask some folks to take a look. Thank you to everyone who took the time.

Now just to clear up a few questions folks may have:

• No, if this had been my post about my project I would not have done this.
• No, my blog will not become all about this one topic. There will still be plenty of stories about families, and IGs, and all the other things my brain rambles around all the time.
• No, I did not just ask the heavy hitters / rock stars of the Social Media community to take a look. I didn't even ask them all. I asked folks that I had interacted with in the last week or two using the tools I am discussing, and Netter was addressing.
• No, I will not be soliciting comments for every post on this topic. I put it out there and let folks know what I am talking about here from time to time. If they are interested, I trust that they'll come back. If they're not, that's okay too. I'm not really good at blowing my own horn so I don't anticipate I'll be beating my chest here or anywhere else anytime soon.
• Yes, I like the word "folks."
• Yes, I think you should check out Nate Riggs' work and follow his blog.
• Yes, I think NetterB is an awesome writer who should write more often.
• Yes, I am grateful I have such a great network and community of friends.
  

You're all rock stars! Thanks for stopping by.

Right Tool for the Job - A Guest Post from NetterB

Netter graciously shares her thoughts on Internet Responsibility with us today as a part of my new project. Give her a visit sometime at Practically Netter. In the interim we're lucky to have her here today.

Welcome Honey!

How many dangers do our kids face each day? The world is constantly evolving and is pretty scary when you think about it.

For example, something as simple as a paring knife can be used as a weapon or a tool – it all depends. A knife is sharp and has the potential to harm. It depends on the intent on how it is used. It could be used for bad purposes - to deface something or to harm someone. But it also depends on training. As parents, we train our kids in knife skills so they don’t cut themselves.

The same can be said for the internet and social media. It is a powerful tool, but danger lurks everywhere online. Any online interaction with the wrong intent poses a threat to our kids. Training and parental supervision are of the utmost importance.

My kids are digital natives. They are comfortable in this electronic world. They’ve grown up in the midst of it, using computers is second-nature and their cell phones have almost become another appendage.

I, on the other hand, am not a native. I’ll admit it, electronic gadgets and gizmos can be frustrating, confusing and intimidating. But I’d like to think I have become a digital immigrant. Some people may choose not to actively participate in online communities, but I feel as a parent of teenage daughters, it isn’t a choice for me. I am active in various social media communities and keep a close eye on what my girls are up to.

There are some who would say to just not let your children have access to the internet, or limit it through filters. Sort of like not letting them use a paring knife because they might cut themselves. I think this is unreasonable and more of a disservice to the youngsters. It’s more important to teach them the right and wrong than to try to shield them from it completely.

We can’t protect our kids from the dangers they will encounter in the world, online or virtual. We can only try to give them the tools they’ll need to be successful and prepare them for what they might face to help them make good decisions and choices.

Internet Responsibility - A new project ?

I have a few inspirations for today's post. A conversation I had this morning with my friend Nate Riggs who also posted on the subject earlier this year. An article in Today's Detroit Free Press, and last but not least a note I got from a friend via Facebook last week.

So, Jim, how does one block one's child from Facebook? If I go in and change her password, will that take care of it? Or could she request the password and they will send her the new one on her email? I'll keep looking at the FB site....

Short story, My daughter was going to send a letter to a someone she met through Facebook somehow. Gosh the address of the person was a P.O. Box. What a shocker. And should we alert police that this might be a potential stalker/creeper? Or am I overreacting?

I really want to strangle my daughter.

Okay, obviously my friend is not going to strangle her daughter, but this does raise a very real, and ongoing question about Internet safety, particularly for our children.

So what's the answer? Well, the simple answer is to turn everything off right? If we ignore it, the problem goes away...

Or does it?

Personally, I don't think the Internet is going anywhere anytime soon. In fact, I think the Internet is going to continue to become more and more a part of our daily lives, particularly with the continued growth of the social web.

So, what are some other answers?

I think the answer is to involve our children in the Internet, direct their involvement, or as Nate put it this morning - channel that water that is already running downhill.

Rather than elaborate right now though, I'd like to ask for your input. What do you think the answer is? How would you solve my friend's problem with her daughter?

A bigger question to tackle in the process of course is how do we direct our child's involvement in the social web? Do you think there should be rules? What do you think those rules should be?

As the discussion continues, I hope to post more about this by talking about the various tools that are available, and how our kids can make the best use of them.

But as we kick this off, I'm giving my readers the floor. I'm really interested in your input here. What say you?

How Are You?

Have you ever considered this phrase? Or maybe you say "What's up?” or “How's it going?” “What's going on?” Any one will do. Here's the question I have today. When you ask this question, do you really care?

I once asked a friend how he was. His reply: "Do you care, or are you just asking to be polite?"

It was a fair question at the time, we weren't really close friends, didn't see each other very often, just passing by from time to time. In such an instance this question could reasonably evoke such a response.

How do you answer this question when you're asked? Do you ever catch yourself answering the wrong question? Someone asks you "what's going on," and you respond "fine." Or they say "how are you?" and you respond "nothing."

This has been rattling around in my head for awhile. I've posted before about being a better listener. I think really hearing folks when they respond or ask this question is a great first step.

What do you think?