Step 1: Finance

This is a cautionary tale.

When I was young, all of 19 or 20 I think, I entered credit counseling. This was due to the fact that in about 2 years I had managed to run up almost $7,000 in debt working only a part-time job and thinking: “Somebody has given me access to all this money, I need to find a way to spend it.”

Nope, not very smart.

Still, by 1991 I was 22-23, I had recovered, paid off my debts, learned my lesson, and become one of the most careful money managers I know. Netter and I were married by then. (Yes, she was a great factor in my growth as well.) We paid off bills as they came in. We had very little debt. We were living by the book. Saving. Planning. Doing things the right way as they say.

Then in 1994 we lost Meghan Joy and our entire world changed. We decided that we weren’t going to wait for anything ever again. Life was too short we reasoned. We were going to seize the day and make things happen, no matter the cost.

For 11 years or so that worked. If we wanted to do something, buy something, live something, go somewhere, go to college (me), stay home and do day care to be with our girls (Netter), whatever - I found a way to make it happen. Cash, credit cards, savings, loans, mortgages, 2nd mortgages - you name it, I used it. There had been some bumps along the way, even some roadblocks, but I always found a way... We lived the life we wanted to, without apology.

Looking back, it was a lot of what might be termed “grief spending,” or maybe even “grief living.” Of course, we didn’t identify it that way then. We had no idea. A friend tried to talk to me once about the house of cards I was building. I didn’t hear him. In my mind I was doing what had to be done, and quite honestly I thought I was brilliant. We were spending, but we never missed a payment, we had never been late, and we always had what we needed, (or what we thought we needed anyway). It would be years before I realized my friend was right, and honestly I only just admitted that to him a couple months ago.

In 2004, as Netter was beginning her second year back in the real work world, I realized that our spending was going to be a problem going forward. From 2000 - 2003 while she was doing daycare we were operating at a significant loss. I just didn’t do the math until it was too late. So, by the time the summer of 2005 hit, I knew something had to be done. We had to make some changes, and they needed to be significant.

In the fall of 2005 we undertook a major financial overhaul. We refinanced. We paid off debt. We formulated a plan to pay everything off - and it was working - until the economy began to crash in late 2008.

Of course there was no immediate answer to dealing with the economy, and so we’ve ridden a roller coaster of uncertainty for the last 3 years.

As you might guess I feel very responsible for that uncertainty and I'm kinda tired of riding that rail. I'm also a lot more comfortable these days admitting when I need help and when I can't, and I'm remarkably unemotional about the whole thing believe it or not. For a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, that’s sort of saying something.

Netter, that wise woman who I don’t listen to enough, has been saying to me for years: "you can't kick yourself for what happened in the past."

Yes, I should listen to her more often.

… and so we are looking for a solution.

I did some math and discovered that if I quit my job and cashed in my retirement I could take the 30% penalty and still pay off the majority of my student loan, our credit cards, and our second mortgage, which would make for a savings of a little over $1,500 a month in payments and more importantly mean not having all that stress, not riding that roller coaster.

I have to admit I’m more than a little tempted.

I’ve mentioned this to a few folks and the opinions are kind of split. Some worry about giving up all my time at the library, some worry about giving up all that money. But it’s not really all that much money, and the time at the library is really more an emotional attachment than anything else. There’s something to be said for peace of mind; comes the reasoning from the other side of the fence.

I also have one child heading into college, and another not far behind. I’d really like to have some financial freedom to be able to help them with their education.

I don’t know. What would you do?

*Note: This is not a poll where the reader will make the decision for me or anything like that. We do plan to seek the advice of a real expert, but I’m also interested to hear what other folks think. Would you be tempted? Or am I off my rocker? Let me have it...

“He’s gonna be late for his life.”

 “He’s gonna be late for his life.”

That’s what the announcer said. He wasn’t talking about me of course, only making a general statement about some  less than successful folks, but this has been resonating in my head for the better part of the last week.

We live in an a.m. world, and I am a p.m. person. I didn’t choose to be this way, it’s just how I’m wired. Always have been. I come by it honestly. My Mom is a p.m. person. My Grandfather was a p.m. person. Just never big fans of morning...

This can be, well no it is a problem in an a.m. world, which let’s face it is the world we live in.

Very often, I am late in the morning. Usually I can make an early tee time or hockey tournament game. Beyond that, don’t hold your breath. I’m never “really” late of course. Just enough to rub the morning people the wrong way. They look down their nose, unapprovingly, shake their head, make me feel about “this” big and I vow that I’m going to... I’m gonna change.

“I’m gonna.” There’s that phrase again. That nickname my parents tagged me with when I was a kid. I don’t like that phrase, that name at all.

Still, I have a lifetime of I’m gonna, and last week I couldn’t help but wonder:

“Am I late for my life?”

As fate would have it Netter and I ended up spending last weekend away. Well, technically we were still in town, but her company’s annual meeting was being held at the Easton Hilton. We decided to take advantage of the room supplied by her employer and take a mini-weekend. As it turns out we both spent more time working than playing, but it was the time away, out of the ordinary routine that made the trip important.

Fancy digs like this can make one’s mind wander, and wonder what could be different...


I spent a lot, a WHOLE LOT of time thinking about things I have and haven’t done. Accomplishments and failures, dreams realized and unfulfilled, projects, stressors, “what ifs,” could haves, would haves, and should have beens... Some things I hadn’t thought about in years, others are on my mind every single second, of every single minute, of every single hour, of every single day. The fog can get pretty thick sometimes. 

I needed this time to find a way to see through.


One thing screamed at me.

Every failure, every shortcoming, every “not yet accomplished” came back to one set of factors.

I didn’t know how. I didn’t know who to ask for help. I was afraid of what might happen if I even tried.

Kinda sad really eh?

To add to my melancholy, while I was going through all of this “self-examination” my wife was enjoying one of the high points of her  career, at least from my point of view. Her skills were in demand, she was needed everywhere she went, folks could not have spoken more highly of her when she introduced me to them throughout the weekend.

As I schlepped off to work myself yesterday, dressed in my sweatshirt and jeans I said goodbye to Netter and her co-workers, in all their professional attire, I was very happy for and proud of my wife and all that she’s accomplished in her career. At the same time, I was never more sad for myself.

Pretty selfish I know.

Fortunately, the fat lady has not yet begun to sing.

Keeping in mind my 3 words for 2011, I’ve decided to take some decisive action. Today, I made an appointment to talk with a job coach, someone who can help me identify what it is that I do, what it is that I’m good at, what I bring to the table and help me find a career where I can feel as valued as my wife is in her job, where I can feel the same success, the same sense of fulfillment.

I love my library, but the truth is I haven’t had that there in quite some time.

I’m also publicly appealing for someone to help me with our finances, to give me an honest objective viewpoint of the mess we are dealing with, listen to my ideas for straightening things out and tell me whether I’m crazy or if I might be onto something. I have another post I’ve been working on about the budget. It’s probably the next post in fact, but for now - this is my public appeal for help.

Of course, health is also one of my 3 words, and I am hopeful that working on the 2 things above will also help me to begin to improve on that as well. I can't help but think that losing the stress from words 1 and 2 will help an awful lot with the 3rd.


Yes, I said "HELP."


I hope I’m not too late.

What's Next? (and Thank you!)

To answer the question - yes, I feel much better. I also feel great about the reaction to yesterday’s post. You never know what to expect when you put out your first profanity laced tirade, (at least that’s what it seemed like at first) for folks to read. But you all made me understand that it wasn’t that at all, but instead was an important turning point, something to be well, proud of, and something to build on. Thank you!

So here goes - This is where I’m trying to go. This is what I’m trying to accomplish.

Every year, at least since I’ve been following his work Chris Brogan comes up with three words that will be his “guiding pillars” for what he will focus on in the coming year. Like me, Chris isn’t so much a fan of resolutions. He doesn’t think they help him very much. I kind of feel the same. Your mileage may vary. That’s okay.

In any case, Chris uses his words as a lighthouse, (his word) for his actions and efforts in the coming year. I do something like this with what I call True Intent, (Just scroll down a little if you want to read about True Intent. In reality that post is way too long, but it was my first year blogging so...) but that’s more about relationships and understanding other’s actions than it is about my own actions and my own goals for myself.

So this year, rather than saying something like: “Wow, that’s great that Chris does that. I really admire his work ethic,” I decided to come up with my own words. So I commented on Chris’ post.  

“All prefaced by change:

Career, Finance, Health - I keep talking about these, but never focus on them. Until they are fixed the rest is meaningless. Once they are fixed, the rest is everything.”

Those are my 3 words… and that’s where I started, and where I’m starting again after the temporary setback I talked about yesterday.

Do you have 3 words? Do you do resolutions?

What do you think?

Summing Things Up

This might get a bit rambly... What?

Of course rambly is a word. Check back for a link. Um, sometime...

Anyway, if you don't want to stick around for rambly that's okay. I'll be back soon with something different.

Still reading?

Last week, as I was finally whittling my way toward the bottom of the pile, (Yes, it really took that long.) Netter asked me what I was working on.

Without missing a beat, I replied. "I'm working on a bunch of 'little crap.'"

Now, obviously it wasn't "crap," but I am involved now with all the little things like Census forms, and property value paperwork, voter registration and life insurance minutiae, which even my insurance man grimaces about. In short, all the stuff that has to be filled out, sent in, dealt with whether we want to or not.

Of course, I've also got things that just don't fit in that box either, paperwork that needs to be filed when you buy something new, junk mail, and other stuff that piles up that we don't know what to do with and only deal with when the piles get that big.


Or - THAT BIG!

I have an incredibly difficult time applying myself to these types of tasks, but instead of moving past them or ignoring them they tend to hang me up entirely. I end up watching a bunch of television I wouldn't ordinarily have watched or surfing the web, or checking Facebook or Twitter, or... I'm guessing you get the picture.

So, here's what I'm doing to get myself motivated.

Ready?

I'm calling Timeout.

What does that mean?

It means that until I get those things done and progress beyond them I'm not adding any commitments or any other tasks, at least not during the work week.

I figure if I really apply myself it shouldn't take me more than a week or two to get on track.

But this isn't really just about my "to-do" list.

As part of staying on track and keeping on track I am renewing my commitment to my blog and to social media. I have been really evaluating my time in the space lately, figuring out if I belong, where I might fit in, what I'm missing, what I've tucked away and forgotten about, and how I might do better, learning how to scale as it were so that the time I do spend is quality time not only for me, but for everybody. For instance I've been using Foursquare, but I'm not sure I'm seeing the value from that tool as much as I just feel like I'm broadcasting my location to folks who may not care. (More on Foursquare in a later post.)

A friend asked me last week if I ever do anything "a little bit?" The answer is "No, no I really don't," but I do respect the things I'm doing and the other folks who are involved. Basically, I want to be sure I'm continuing to do that.

The other thing I'm doing is refocusing on my career. I had planned on doing this in the latter part of February, but of course my attention was pulled aside by my boy, who I am happy to say is doing very well. (Though he has turned into a bit of a nocturnal animal, which has been more than a little different. Still, we're figuring things out and making progress.)

So, about refocusing on my career? Yeah, another post maybe, but it is an important step, something I have to do for my sanity. I will say I will be spending a lot of time on my LinkedIn profile and even some time evaluating our finances, calculating risks and such.

I do have one other project I'm working on that is very exciting and may lead to a great opportunity with a local small business, but as nothing is official or even written down yet, I'm afraid I'll have only that to share today. Sorry, I know that's a tease.

I do have one other note, very positive, very happy news. Ms Single Mama has decided to continue blogging, and that makes me very happy. I think her voice is important to a lot of people, myself included, and I'm glad she's going to keep being heard.

What blogs do you read on a regular basis? What projects are you caught up in?

What are you rambling about?

I.Am.Tired!

I.Am.Tired!

FYI - Today's post is a little Monday rant. I'll understand if you don't want to hang around today. If you do, maybe you can relate or commiserate?

I'm writing this as a way of building toward a to-do list of sorts so maybe you can relate to that too?

I haven't blogged in a while. I feel like I've blown a great opportunity to grab some new readers and connect with new folks. Maybe not. I hope not. As usual I may be thinking too much. (A big thank you to Nate Riggs for that by the way. I feel very fortunate to have had that opportunity.)

More upside? After today's rant post - I promise a blog post on every topic I bring up today as part of my rant. Well, at least the ones I think might make a good story.

You see, once again here it is Monday morning and I find myself behind. Behind on replying to messages, behind on replying to emails, behind on - well still behind on things from before Golf for Joy, and many, many more...

Sometimes it seems like I spend my entire life catching up, and the cycle continues on and on.

If I do get time to focus on something, it seems something ALWAYS takes my attention elsewhere. Granted, that's not always a bad thing, like when I became obsessed with the television show Bones and wanted to see all the re-runs I could before the season premiere. More often, however it's because I have to tend to something silly.

Like the Blackberry fiasco. (That might even be two blog posts.)

It will especially turn into two posts if I talk about being tired of poor customer service, but that might be a post all by itself.

Or a broken T.V.

Or any number of things that just seem to pop up out of nowhere, and turn into hours and hours of time suckers.

Like Vista and connectivity issues - no Mom it's not just your computer...

Like tires for my truck.

Paying bills and juggling cash. I'm tired of playing by the rules they, (i.e. banks and mortgage companies and such) put in place and then having them change the rules, seemingly on a whim. (I know it's the economy, but this is a rant remember...)

So, I have to find a turning point, a positive if you will.

One positive is that part of the reason I am behind is the presentation I was fortunate enough to be able to give at Job Help Day at the Library last week.

Another is that I got to spend the day Saturday playing golf with my friends and enjoying college football for the balance of the evening.

Okay, we do watch college football every week, but the golf was a nice bonus. Though I actually played very poorly, and we started the round in the rain, I was still happy to get out.

There's just something about being on the course with your friends, watching one of them shoot his best round ever, obviously happy as heck about it - and you can see the joy in his face.

Good job Dave!

I've got to get back to the to do list now...

What are you all working on?

Or - if you want - tell me what you're tired of...

I Don't Want a Million Dollars

One of the tasks I have had to add to my list this week is wading through my Twitter followers and get rid of the "get rich quick guys."

I don't know how I picked them up, but the wealth system builders are hot on my heels.

Unfortunately, even if you don't use Twitter yourself you know who the "get rich quick guys" are, especially if you've ever watched any late night t.v.

"Use my proven system," the sales pitch goes, "and you too could make millions in months." Blah, blah, blah, yap, yap, yap.

Shad-up!

Now, I'm not saying there aren't some ways that are quicker than others to garnering wealth. I am saying for the most part, folks get what they deserve and they get it through good old-fashioned hard work.

Besides - I don't want a million dollars.

WHAT?!?!?!????

You can't be serious Jimmer?

I am. I'll tell you why.

1. A million dollars doesn't go nearly as far as it used to.

B. I just believe it's better to have enough rather than too much.

III. I really don't mind life lessons, and working hard.

Here's what I do want though - I'd like to have about $75,000 after taxes.

This would make up for most of the financial mistakes I have made over the years, or at the very least allow me to start fixing some of my screw-ups.

There is so much you never learn about money until you're an adult. Oh sure, in 7th grade we practiced managing a "checkbook." This is not quite the same when you're handling real money now is it?

How do you know things like: How much life insurance do I need? - How much do I need for retirement? - How much should I really save?

How long will it really take me to pay off that those credit card(s)?

What does it really mean to take out a second mortgage?

Etc... and so on.

Most kids get their first jobs and boom, that money is gone almost as quickly as it gets in their hands.

Even my most fiscally responsible friend, one who has worked his entire life to have all the things that he has and the life that he wants, would be remiss if he didn't share the story of how he showed up at my house shortly after he got his first job, wanting me to check out his "sweet ride."

And the money just goes - Poof!

Now most folks rein themselves in in one way or another. Some do better than others. Some go broke. Some get rich. I get that. It's called life. It's called learning. That's cool.

I'd just like to have a chance to truly apply the "If I knew then what I know now" mentality and see how it might work out.

I know. Nothing but a dreamer...

Still - that conversation we all have whenever the lotto gets big and we sit around thinking, "What would I do if I had a million or millions of dollars...?"

Yeah, I don't know how to handle that.

My needs are a whole lot less.

I don't want a million dollars.

Do you?

Three Beautiful Things for Thanksgiving

It's been a pretty trying week as we have wrestled with car repair costs, Christmas budgets, and other various and sundry monetary concerns that may or may not be a subject for a later day, er um, post. (Probably not - who wants to read about money troubles?)

Of course, like many or most - I paused yesterday to take time to think about all that I have to be thankful for.

To share them and to provide a bright spot to the end of our week - I'm borrowing another idea from my friend Cat, (I told you I think she's brilliant) and sharing 3 beautiful things.

1. The four lovely ladies in my life. Showing my bias, but probably not facing much if any argument from many I'm sure - Netter is one of those people who you know from the moment you meet to be a special person in your life. Of course, for me she is the MOST special person, and I am lucky and privileged to have her in my life. I love you Honey.

D and K are brilliant, intelligent, and beautiful growing young ladies. I am very proud of their accomplishments, but even more proud that they are loving, caring and helpful individuals.

Meghan Joy is an inspiration for me and for many. Because of her, and the legacy she provides we have been able to share our gift of Joy with so many children with challenges in the Central Ohio area. I love you Meghan Joy.

I am grateful for the gift God has given me to be a Daddy to all of my daughters. I love you girls.

2. My extended family, especially my in-laws. So often I hear horror stories about grunting and groaning father-in-laws, manipulating mother-in-laws, and crazy sister and / or brother -in laws. I don't have any of that. I have a group of wonderful people who I am happy to call my family. Thanks Atchison clan.

3. My friends. I always thought I had great friends, but over the course of the last year I've discovered that I have many, many friends I may not have even thought of or known about. I am honored to have both old friends and new, and I very much appreciate knowing you are there for me as I hope you know I am there for you.

3a. Mulligan James - My boy is a crazy, energy driven, sometimes willful beast who I love with all my heart and soul because I know he loves me. Everybody should have a puppy dog, (man’s best friend) like Mulligan in their life.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

I hope you enjoyed the day.