Took Me a Minute... But listen...

 I have to admit it took me a minute, or two, or a few days or eight I guess to be exact...

Still, I wasn't expecting so much feedback on my post from last week. I want to start out by saying I am very appreciative of all the support - the comments, the messages, even the phone calls, (still hate talking on the phone for the record), all of it. I felt the support and the love and... well, thank you.

But here's the thing - I know -

I know I don't owe anybody anything. I know I can just be my own person, my own self, without apology. I know. 

Yes, I have a history of over thinking things. I've been known to be a pleaser, to promise my time, etc... and so on, and I know it's okay to let that all go. 

Really!

I'm not asking for forgiveness. I'm asking to be heard.

I want to let people know - I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING TO BE SELFISH! MY FAMILY IS NOT DOING ANYTHING TO BE MEAN, OR VINDICTIVE! 

But people don't want to hear that do they? 

They'd rather assign their own meaning, to make it about them...

Why on earth would anything not be about them?

We are a selfish lot aren't we..? Humans...

Eh. 

My brain hurts - 

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, or call anyone out personally, but I'm tired of keeping this all bottled up so let's just get this out there...

I once had a teacher who told us flat out she was going to grade us how she liked us. She really meant she'd help our grades if we at least acted like we gave a shit, but go with me here... (Extra points to the Ready grads who can tell me who I'm talking about.)

So - going forward - if you think I'm talking about you - Sure, whatever, I am... Have fun with it. 

Life is supposed to be fun after all... 

Have a good week - I'll talk to you soon. 

When you gotta write - I guess.

 Conflicted? Confused? Perplexed? What's the word... I don't know... But I have to find out.

So, I'm writing this time purely for me - Up front, I want everyone to know that. I know some people like to read my work so I'm sharing it, but if I'm being honest - I'm doing this, trying this again - for me. 

Just about four years ago my life changed significantly, and I had to shift my focus, change my lifestyle, hell change how people know me...

... and in the last few months I'm finding out that not everyone is okay with that - 

That decisions I've made aren't the ones they wanted me to make... aren't the ones that serve them best? Even if they serve me best?

I don't know...

But I do know that just about every day in my head I have this dialogue going on where I'm trying to figure it out - so I thought I'd share. 

In little bits at a time - 

- So that's all for today. 

Thanks for listening...

The List, The Plan, My Life... Retirement? I don't know what you call it.

The reality is that it was right there in front of me. Right there, organized, ready to be tackled the entire time. I just didn't see it. 

Know who helped me...? 

Have you been paying attention? 

Of course it was my wife. Let me say that again. Of course It.Was.My.Wife.

Love that Woman!

How do we survive without these women in our lives? I don't even want to contemplate that beyond the words on the page. 

Anyway... as they say...

It was right there in front of me. When I retired 6 years ago (Yes, that says 6. I can't believe it either.) I had already started making a list of things I was going to work on for the first month or so before I headed back to work at some job, somewhere, somehow...

And then I didn't head back to work.

Our life and financial situation were such that I didn't really need to work after all. I mean I'm still never saying never, but so far - we're good. We were good then. We're good now. 

Beautiful.

But I still had that list, and I added to it and without even trying scratched some things off - just living life... 

... and then I ran into some health issues starting in 2018, and again in 2019, and then we all ran into health issues in 2020.

On the other side of all of that - hopefully, maybe... But

 - I now find myself stuck. S.T.U.C.K. STUCK!

So, being the organized soul that I am, and many will say I am overly organized oddly enough... I decided to make a list, to find a better way, to get started... to finally find a way to be retired.

In doing that - I rediscovered that list. So, over the last week or so - I know it was longer than I'd promised, but you know - life... I reviewed the list, and updated the list, and began trying to find a way to do something with the list that moves me forward. 

No, not just moves me forward, but also helps me become unstuck. 

I've got a pretty solid routine of things I do every day, ways I live my life, things I do without even thinking... The routine of the retiree so to speak. 

But why does it have to be the same tomorrow? 

It doesn't. I know that. I'm working on it. I'll get there. I am now keenly aware that I was stuck. 

Was. 

Not anymore.

It's time to look forward - 

To tomorrow. 

What's next on the list?

Have a good weekend!

Having a Plan...

While I want to write more, I don't want to just share random thoughts everyday. That's boring, or it could be - at least it seems like it to me. 

So, here's what I'm going to do. 

This weekend, and to be honest probably into next week - I'm going to take some time to do some planning, to decide where I want to go and how I want to get there. 

The tomorrows are piling up after all

- and I'd like to make them count. 

See you sometime next week.