Unanswered Prayers

Warning - this is a silly sappy thing, but hey sometimes I can be a silly sappy guy.

This morning driving in I was playing my (boring I found out last weekend) iPod when this song came on. (Good luck finding a better link than that. Garth is a little protective with his copyrights.)

I tried to sing along, (Don't worry, I was by myself) but every time I hear this song I break down crying like a blubbering idiot.

See, I had a high school sweetheart. We were together for 4 years. There are people in my family that still can't believe we aren't married.

Of course what those relatives don't know is that like (al)most every high school boy, I was an idiot. Dating around, doing things with my friends I shouldn't have been doing, in general being what many would call "normal," albeit not acceptable.

I'm not afraid to admit it I was young and stupid and I was a boy after all. To answer the inevitable question - Yes, I am trying to convince my daughters to stay away from the likes of me.

In any case, after many breakups and fights and countless discussions about "our future," my girlfriend had (rightfully) had enough and threw me to the curb.

I was devastated. I thought I had thrown away everything that was good in my life and I prayed to God hoping that she would one day take me back. Even as I dated other girls, I still thought there was a chance, and I'm pretty sure those other girls knew that too.

But one day - One day that all went away.

That was the day I fell in love with my wife.

Okay - it wasn't magical like the snap of a finger, and I'm sure there are many that will be happy to share just how difficult I made things with some less than stellar judgment, but as I got to know this wonderful woman more and more it became increasingly clear to me that she was "the one."

So one day, finally we sat down and had a talk. I don't remember how long the conversation really was, although I usually jokingly say it lasted 4.5 hours or so. Like I said, I was a snake, and more than your "typical boy."

I do remember that I wanted Netter to know everything. Full disclosure - no detail left unsaid, no stone left unturned. I knew that I wanted to be with her, and I wanted to give her all the reasons she might not want to be with me, so that if she decided she still did there'd be nothing to hide going forward.

Remarkably, by the true grace of God, Netter decided to stay with me. I hope I've never made her regret that decision.

We didn't run into my old girlfriend "at a home town football game," wouldn't that be cliché? We did meet at my 5 year high school reunion, and started to make peace with each other. Our families even exchanged Christmas cards for awhile.

What stands out most to me though is how it was so instantly obvious to me that God had indeed left my prayer unanswered for a reason, and reflecting a little more how obvious it is that I have spent my life with the woman I was truly meant to be with "for all time."

There aren't enough pages or posts to tell you all about how special Netter is, what a great Mom, what an awesome Wife and best friend, still I would be remiss if I didn't take a minute to share the reasons I have mist, (hey that's what I'm calling it) in my eyes today.

I don't generally believe in applying songs to your life. I think if manipulated in the right way, all songs could be applied to almost everyone's life.

But sometimes I make exceptions, and sometimes the choices aren't really ours anyway...

Just remember when you're talking to the Man upstairs...

Plugged In? Why?

What's your goal Jimmer? What are you trying to accomplish?

These questions have been popping into my head all day. This is partly because of my discussion with my wife last Friday, but also for another reason...

Last weekend I came to the realization that I am almost always plugged in. I spend the larger majority of my time on a computer at home or work, If I'm working in the public service area at work I'm usually still checking my Twitter account. Heck even my cell phone is set to get some of those Twitter updates.

Save driving (I only drive when I have to), sleeping(I don't sleep much and usually in fits and starts), showering and such - I'm plugged in.

Yikes! Right?

Or is it okay?

So, I'm back to the question - what's your goal Jimmer? Why are you always plugged in?

Let's break this down.

Here are the networks I plug into (almost) every day and my primary reasons for doing so.

Email - This is a must do. If I could, I'd get rid of email - ALL of it.

LinkedIn & Plaxo - This is purely professional, trying to make business contacts.

Facebook - This is admittedly more personal than anything, but I have also made some professional connections. Just today one of our HR folks tracked me down via Facebook.

Twitter - This is both personal and professional, but the larger majority of the people I follow I at least started to follow for professional reasons. Getting to know them and building relationships has been a bonus.

I think that may be my answer. I'm building relationships.

I'm also learning better ways to communicate.

I've talked a lot this year about finding a focus for my blog, thinking my subject matter was all over the map. Hmmm...

I've also heard quite a bit lately that a number of folks think my blog is all about self revelation, introspection and such - but not just for me, for my readers too.

Hey - wait a minute I think I've got it.

Maybe I do have a focus after all. While the blog does cover a variety of topics they really all come back to the same things.

I'm all about the conversation, and building relationships. That's why I'm plugged in.

What do you think? Where do I go from here?

Who Wouldn't Want to be Me?

I call it "the other foot," sometimes "the other shoe" - and from time to time I just know it is going to drop.

It comes from nowhere without warning. Good days, Bad days, the foot doesn't care. When it gets here. It makes its presence known - sometimes longer than others.

What is it you say, this ominous thing?

Some might call it depression, paranoia, sadness or anxiety. I have learned to just call it, "the foot."

Something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, this horrible feeling of helplessness.

- and it hits me - HARD

I don't mind talking about it. In most if not all moments I am able to be rational and deal with it. Just wait for it to pass.

Sometimes Netter will catch me and ask what is wrong, even she has learned that if I say, "the foot," it is okay to just let it pass. She always asks if she can get me anything or do anything. I usually respond that I just need some time.

It wasn't always this way of course and there have been times in my life when the foot was worse than others.

The key is I know I'm not alone. I am able to reach out to friends and family who will support me through thick and thin. I've built a pretty good network in my 40 years, some good folks - and they mean the world to me.

I am also there for them whenever need be and I support them through their tough times sharing my experience and hopefully providing some help, some relief along the way.

Sometimes you've just got to find a way to be good to yourself and hold on tight.

This all makes the good times even better.

Sitting at dinner with my wife yesterday evening she asked me what I could do, what could we do to make me happier.

I was a bit puzzled.

"You know, in your job. What do you want to be? What are you going to do?"

I considered that for a minute - in truth I don't have the answer. Every day for me now is an opportunity. I'm trying and learning new things, being social, being techie, being positive above all else. I'm happier in my job than I've been in a long, long time.

After a moment I looked at my beautiful wife and I said:

"Who wouldn't want to be me? I'm not saying this just to say this, (okay I really said I'm not saying this just to blow sunshine up your a**) but look at what I have, how lucky I am. I have the world's best wife who supports me in whatever I do. You are my best friend You're a great mother to our children. I have two wonderful kids who are smart, and beautiful, and responsible young adults.

Sure," I continued "I've faced my share of adversity. I've buried a child, my Mom went through a divorce when I was little, I'm sure some things that no one would ever need or want to know about.

Do I wish we had less debt, or new cars or new carpeting for that matter. Sure I do. Who wouldn't? But I'm not going to dwell on those things.

I've got an incredible family. I've got awesome friends. Who wouldn't want to be me?"

Take that "foot."

Friday Feature 2 The Team The Team The Team

Friday Feature number 2 is about the importance of your team. To keep things timely, I thought I'd riff a little on the importance of this week and a very important team.

In the spring of 2003 after the Iraq invasion had begun a number of people asked me what I thought of the president "sending our boys over there."

My reply each and every time was exactly the same. It doesn't matter how I feel about it, those are our boys, American boys and I stand behind them 100% no matter what.

America, the land of the free, the home of the brave and sometimes - a house, a team divided.

As I wrote in this space in November - we cannot afford such division, now or at any other time for that matter.

Our country is supposed to be the most powerful, the most respected, and perhaps most importantly - the most united.

This is how we will succeed. This is how any team succeeds.

They play hard and they play united.

The dictionary defines team as "a group on one side."

I have a funny feeling that the inauguration tomorrow and other activities from the week are going to put us to the test when it comes to America being the group on one side.

Why you may ask?

Well for starters there are the same old tired political differences. Republicans vs Democrats or Liberals vs. Conservatives or whatever labels you may choose.

I remarked to a colleague yesterday that I did not remember the inauguration and the accompanying celebration lasting all that long i.e. starting before and ending after the actual inauguration date. (Hey, the last one was a long time ago. Sue me.) My colleague got a little defensive which was understandable considering she had been flamed earlier in the day for celebrating the day's activities.

As she later told me - I love the pageantry and tradition of inauguration. It really is so very American ;o) of course better if your guy wins ;o)

We're supposed to celebrate our victories. The Giants had a parade when they won the Super Bowl. The Red Wings had a parade when they won Lord Stanley's Cup.

So yeah, her guy won and that made her happy, but that wasn't the "only" reason she was enjoying the day.

There is a question of technology. Do you think the president needs his Blackberry? How 'bout a laptop in the Oval Office?

Finally, there is the matter of race.

Yes, I said it. Why wouldn't I? It is important.

Barack Obama is our nation's first black president. It should be duly noted. It should be celebrated. It should be marked in time so that no one could ever forget.

Racism exists. You may not see it everyday. I don't see it everyday, but it does exist. For that matter so does reverse racism.

This ugly topic and all that go with it cannot be forgotten, nor should they be.

However, these things cannot be our focus, and I pray that those who predict that it will be are wrong.

Our focus has to be on America, on making our team united.

We need to seize the opportunity that new leadership affords us and use it as a time for change, a time for growth, and a time to come together as one team.

Therein lies our success.

So I am calling on my countrymen and countrywomen - regardless of your political affiliation, the color of your skin, your age, or your creed to remember this week that more than anything else you are an American.

To break it down to the simplest terms I'll borrow a phrase from a classic American moment and movie:

When you pull on that jersey, the name on the front is a hell of alot more important than the one on the back.

The front of that jersey says USA.

Please note - This post is not intended to support anyone's side. If you read it that way, I suggest you read it again. I don't believe in sides. I believe in purple.